


For your eyes only

by DomHaught



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Graphic description of drug use, Happy Ending, I used a bunch of OneDirection songs in here, It's not going to be that sad, Jeremy approves it, M/M, Nicole is in a bad place, There's going to be bad moments, Waverly is a big nerd who is in love with Nicole since High School, Wayhaught endgame, WynHaught brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 61,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25598722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DomHaught/pseuds/DomHaught
Summary: Waverly comes back to her hometown to work for the Ghost River University History Department. When she was walking to her office at the campus on the first day at her new job, Waverly saw a blur of red hair. It couldn’t be who she thought it was, could it?ORNicole was a teenager hockey star, but her career was over after an injury. She got involved with drugs and alcohol and has been in a bad place for years. Waverly was always in love with her but never said a word.
Relationships: Doc Holliday/Kate (Wynonna Earp), Jeremy Chetri/Robin Jett, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Xavier Dolls/Wynonna Earp
Comments: 367
Kudos: 913





	1. If I could fly

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my dear friends Earpers!  
> I have been writing this for a while, I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> As some of you may have noticed, I used a One Direction song at the title and I'll use others during the next chapters. You don't need to listen to them/like them to read this. I just love music in general and I always struggle to find good chapter titles, so it's a win-win.
> 
> (Jeremy approves it after all)
> 
> Well, I guess I'll see you guys at the end...
> 
> P.S. I'm Brazilian, so if you find anything weird, out of place or incorrect, you know why. I hope it doesn't happen often.

**Chapter 1 – If I could fly**

_I've got scars even though they can't always be seen_

_And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing_

_Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down_

_Right now I'm completely defenseless_

That was it, the moment of truth. The moment she has been waiting for days. Deep breath in and a slow breath out, Waverly exited the car and walked inside Ghost River University. Her steps sounded loud while she made her way following the signs toward the rector’s office. She used the reflection from the glass door to take a final look at herself and she was happy to be carrying a briefcase because her hand was shaking at the moment she ran it through her brunette hair.

“Good morning. I have a meeting with Ms. Lucado,” Waverly said to the secretary once she was inside the room.

“Good morning. Who should I announce?”

“Waverly Earp. I’m here for the History department position.”

“Would you mind waiting a few minutes, Ms. Earp?” The secretary asked. “Ms. Lucado is in a call right now, but I’ll let her know you are here as soon as possible. You can sit if you want.”

“Ok, thank you,” Waverly moved to the chair and noticed her breath was shaking. She needed to calm down. Lucado was known for being tough and Waverly needed to meet her expectations.

“Ms. Earp,” the secretary said a few minutes later, “if you follow me I’ll take you to meet Ms. Lucado.”

“Ms. Earp, please take a seat,” the woman who Waverly judge to be Lucado spoke. She had strong features, blonde hair tightened behind her head. She didn’t look up from the papers she was so eagerly analyzing. When their eyes finally met, it almost scared the brunette. “I’m going straight to the point here because we don’t have time to lose, Earp. The budget that I have is all I can give you. If you accept the offer, we’ll sign a contract for at least a year and you’ll have to fulfill it. Do you understand these conditions?”

“Yes, it’s all very clear.”

“And are you sure you want to work at Ghost River University?”

“Ah... yes,” Waverly wasn’t quite understanding what was happening. “I’m sorry, you don’t want me to take this position or…”

“Don’t get me wrong, Earp, I want someone, anyone, to take this position,” Lucado said. “The thing is that it feels like nobody wants to do it. I had so many candidates, but all of them gave up right on the start or not even began. So I ask again, are you sure?”

“Definitely. I’m from Purgatory and I’ll move in with my sister and her family,” Waverly smiled at the thought. “I’ve been wanting to come back home for a while and this is a great opportunity.”

“All settle then,” Lucado looked relieved, but not enough to smile. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll have all the papers ready for you to sign in the morning and I can show you around.”

“Thank you, Ms. Lucado,” Waverly could almost giggle. “You won’t regret having me here, I promise.”

Waverly felt like she could dance around the campus, but decided against the idea. She still wanted to be taken seriously at her job. She hopped in her red Jeep and drove to the homestead. Ever since she went to college in BC she had only come back to Purgatory for the day Alice was born. One thing was for sure: Wynonna was going to flip.

Almost half an hour later, Waverly parked at her childhood home. She instantly saw Alice Michelle playing with some tools at the porch. The seven-year-old girl looked up and a smile spread all over her face.

“Mama, come outside. Auntie Waverly is here,” she screamed.

“Hey, Alice. It’s so good to see you,” the brunette said. “Oh, you are so grown up, I can believe it.”

“I missed you so much, Auntie Waves.”

“Baby girl, what are you doing here?” Wynonna came out of the house and hugged her sister.

“I just wanted to surprise my family,” she answered. “Besides, I have some news to tell.”

“Let’s get inside,” Wynonna led the way to the homestead. Waverly looked around and she was flooded by memories. “So tell us everything, baby girl.”

“Well, I just got a new job. I’m going to work as a researcher and translator for the History Department…” Waverly smiled trying to keep the mystery for a few more seconds. “… at the Ghost River University.”

“What?” Wynonna gasped. “GRU? Like here? Like close to Purgatory?”

“That’s right, Nonna,” Waverly felt her sister hugging her even harder than a few minutes before. “And because of that, I need to ask you a big favor.”

“Anything. The answer is yes,” Wynonna replied.

“You should talk to Dolls first,” Waverly said. “I was wondering if I could crash in here with you guys for a while.”

“Of course you can, Waves. This land is as much mine as it is yours, you know that. This is the family home.”

“I promise I won’t bother you too much.”

“You could never. What do you think Alice? Would you like if Aunt Waverly moved in with us?”

“That would be so cool, Mama. Please, Auntie. You have to come,” the little girl jumped. “We can ride on bikes and have ice creams and have sleepovers.”

“We can, sweetie.”

“Come on, baby girl. Let’s unpack your car,” Wynonna hugged her on the shoulder and guided them outside the house.

* * *

The next morning, Waverly woke up early because she wanted to be at GRU as soon as she could and the drive from the homestead to there would take her almost 30 minutes. She was surprised to see the house at full speed. Dolls was making breakfast and Wynonna was helping Alice organize her backpack for school.

“Morning, Waverly,” Dolls said. “Pancakes? They are vegan.”

“Morning Dolls and thank you, that’s very sweet of you,” she approach him with her plate in hands. “I could have cooked, you know?”

“I’m cooking for everybody, don’t worry about that,” he said.

“Morning, baby girl. You’re up early.”

“Too much to do today,” Waverly moved and kissed her niece on the head. “Are you ready for school, sweetie?”

“Yes! I just need Dad’s pancakes,” the girl smiled brightly.

“Let’s all make it quickly, Alice,” Wynonna poured some coffee in her mug. “I have a meeting at PeaceMaker.”

“I still can’t believe she’s the boss she goes to meetings,” Waverly whispered to Dolls and he smiled behind his food.

“What are you laughing at?” Wynonna asked him.

“Nothing,” Dolls tried to hide. “I’m out. See you all later,” he pecked Wynonna on the lips and kissed Alice goodbye.

“You always take his side,” Wynonna complained with Waverly.

“He made me vegan pancakes,” Waverly frowned her brows.

“Yeah, alright. Come on Alice, ten more minutes and we go. We’ll have to meet your Daddy before school,” Wynonna said and laughed at her daughter taking big bites of her food.

Once they were all done, they went to their respective appointments. Waverly arrived at Ghost River University and smiled to herself. She felt good and confident to start at her new job. She walked and smiled at everyone who crossed her path but she froze at the vision in front of her. That was… _no, it couldn’t be_. But it was. Even from afar, Waverly would always recognize her. Tall, red hair and still making her heart skip a beat after all these years. She couldn’t act like that. She was a grown woman now, she had to keep it together. Waverly tried to convince herself that she was just surprised to see Nicole after all these years.

As she was getting closer, she realized that Nicole hadn’t seen her yet. The redhead had headphones on and she was carrying a box, maybe a tools box? When they were only a few feet away, Nicole finally noticed Waverly.

“Hi, Nicole.”

“Waverly Earp. Wow, you haven’t changed a bit,” Nicole showed her dimples.

“It’s good to see you,” Waverly hugged the other woman. “I haven’t talked to you in so long. I haven’t seen you even longer. I guess ever since… well, since…”

“Ever since I got hurt,” Nicole cut her.

“I’m sorry I haven’t got in touch with you more times after that, I really should but…”

“Waves, I get it, you had just got in college and you had too much to worry about,” Nicole eased her. “I didn’t want to add any more drama to your plate.”

“Nicole…”

“No, Waves, please. It’s all good, I promise. It’s nice to see you now.”

“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Waverly said.

“I came back a few years ago,” the redhead admitted.

“Years? I had no idea,” Waverly was genuinely surprised. “Wynonna never said anything.”

“Yeah… So tell me, what are you doing here at GRU?” Nicole quickly changed the subject. “You’re definitely not a student or I’d have seen you before.”

“I’m working here now, at the History Department,” Waverly said proudly. “First day today.”

“That’s amazing, Waves. Congratulations. I always knew you’d be great at everything you tried.”

“Thank you. What about you? What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Nicole looked down at her feet. “I work here, too. I’m a handyman. Handywoman if you prefer.”

“Oh, so we’re colleagues then.”

“Yeah, right. I don’t think it works like that,” Nicole said and seeing the confusion on Waverly's face she continued. “Professors and scholars don’t usually hang out with the other employees.”

“It won’t happen with us, I promise. You were always kind to me, you always treated me like, well… me. Not Wynonna’s baby sister.”

“You are your own person, Waverly,” Nicole showed her dimples again.

“Maybe we can have lunch together?” Waverly said anxiously.

“Maybe tomorrow,” the redhead replied. “I think today you’ll have so many other things to worry about.”

“Tomorrow then. I’ll have to go now. I don’t want to be late on my first day,” Waverly hugged the other woman one more time. “It was good to see you again, Nicole. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“See you, Waves.”

As the brunette walked away, Nicole couldn’t help but notice some kind of tightness inside herself. She didn’t know if it was seen Waverly after so many years or realizing she had thrown her own life away. Everything could have been so different for her, but she had given up on herself so long ago. On the other hand, it could have been the fact that she hasn’t been a subject of the Earp’s sister conversation for a while. Perhaps it was all of those things combined and it was worse than a punch in the stomach.

_For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart_

_For when you're lonely and forget who you are_

_I'm missing half of me when we're apart_

_Now you know me, for your eyes only_


	2. A.M.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Nicole talk some more over lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my friends!  
> It feels so good to be back here with a new story. Thank you for all the responses you guys gave me in the first chapter! Let's keep going on! This chapter is important because it will explain a little of what happened to Nicole during college.  
> Let's go to chapter 2!

**Chapter 2 – A.M.**

_Feels like this could be forever tonight_

_Break these clouds, forget about time_

_There could be a World War three goin' on outside_

_You and me were raised in the same part of town_

_Got these scars on the same ground_

_Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?_

It was her second day at the job and Waverly was amazed. The book collection at GRU was amazing. It surprised her that nobody wanted to take the job before her. Living in Purgatory was probably the biggest reason. Not for Waverly, though. She was living with her family and she planned to get closer to her old friends. One _very specific_ friend came to her mind. Nicole always made Waverly feel different things then other people did. It was almost lunchtime and she wanted to surprise the redhead. Nicole still looked beautiful and she still seemed to care about Waverly, but something was odd with her. A remarkable trade on Nicole was her look, her kind, sweet, and heart eyes. Even if she had been nice to Waverly the day before, the brunette noticed something was off.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” said the man knocking on the door and taking Waverly out of her thoughts. “I just saw you arriving this morning and I had to check who could be the one to finally use this room.”

“Oh, no problem. Hi. I just started yesterday,” Waverly got up to shake hands with him.

“I’m Jeremy. Jeremy Chetri. I work in the science department.”

“Nice to meet you, Jeremy. I’m Waverly Earp.”

“Oh, are you family with Willa and Wynonna?” He was curious.

“They’re my sisters. Do you know them?”

“I know Dolls for a very long time, so…” he smiled. “Would you like to have lunch together? The first week can be hard.”

“I’d love to, but I already have a date,” Waverly open her eyes widely. “Well, it’s not a _date_ , date. It’s just a friend and yesterday we talked about having lunch today, so. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. We can have lunch tomorrow, I’m free. I’m always free,” Jeremy faked a laugh. “Anyways, I’m out. I’ll see you around, Waverly.”

Having been already distracted, Waverly decided that it would be good to go and pick up their lunch sooner than later. It could prevent Nicole from ditching her. She decided to play it safe and bought a hamburger for Nicole and just a vegan sandwich for herself. Waverly walked around the campus looking for the redhead, but she was nowhere to find. She realized that the first place she should look for Nicole was the maintenance area. And she was there, with her back turned at the door, organizing something that Waverly couldn’t see.

“Hey, you.”

“Waverly,” Nicole said as she turned around. “What are you doing here? Do you need anything?”

“Well, I came for the lunch you promised me,” Waverly showed her the bag with the food.

“Oh, yeah. Right,” Nicole scratched the back of her neck. “Are you sure you want that?”

“Nicole, if you don’t want to…”

“No, Waverly, please, no. It’s not that, I swear,” Nicole sighed. “It’s just that I meant it when I said the university elite doesn’t hang with the handymen. I don’t want to ruin your reputation.”

“Things don’t go like that between us, they never did,” Waverly got closer. “When we were teenagers, most of the people in town only pity us, the three girls who lost their parents. I could count in one hand the number of real friends we had, but you didn’t care about it. You came into our lives and you stayed. You were best friends with Wynonna, you helped Uncle Curtis around the house, and you even helped me when I needed to rehearse for a presentation.”

“You needed someone to ask you about what you wrote and we both know Wynonna wouldn’t pay enough attention to make the right questions,” Nicole smiled.

“See? You were there for me and I want to be here for you. I want to be close to you again. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I should,” Waverly apologized.

“I would love to hang out with you some more,” Nicole finally accepted. “But with one condition: you have got to stop apologizing, ok? It’s all good between us, no hard feelings.”

“Yeah, ok, that was the last time, I promise. So, shall we?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Outside, under the trees?”

“Lead the way,” Nicole nodded.

It was a surprisingly beautiful day and they decided to sit under one of the tallest trees at the campus. The shadow was refreshing, yet most people decided to stay inside.

“I got your favorite: a hamburger with lots of cheese and no pickles,” Waverly's smile died once a thought hit her. “Oh, I didn’t even ask you if it’s still your favorite or even something you still eat, I’m sorry.”

“I do, Waves, don’t worry,” Nicole giggled. “Thank you for this. What about you, any changes in food?”

“I’m vegan now.”

“And I’m not really surprised about it,” Nicole replied. “So, tell me what made you decide to come back to Purgatory?”

“Honestly? I missed here,” Waverly looked ahead of her and then turned to Nicole. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved going to BC and studying there. It was a dream come true, but there was always something missing. And I know it may seem crazy, but this place is home. I had a few friends in there, but no one close, you know? Here I have my family, the homestead. The big city can be lonely sometimes. There was a spot open here, so I e-mailed Lucado and she asked me to come, so I didn’t have to think too much.”

“I’m glad you are here. I feel you, life can get lonely sometimes, so it’s good to have a familiar friend around,” Nicole admitted.

“Wynonna didn’t tell me you work here,” Waverly decided to finally ask. “Doesn’t she know it?”

“I… I suppose she does,” Nicole mumbled.

“So, you two don’t talk anymore? Why, Nicole? You used to be best friends.”

“It’s not that we don’t talk anymore, Waves. When we see each other we talk, we’re just not so close anymore. We grew apart, I guess.”

“Did something happen?” Waverly was getting more and more curious.

“No, Waves. How is your sandwich?” Nicole clearly changed the subject.

“Good, good,” Waverly got the hint and went with it. “What about your food? Too spicy?”

“Not at all, why?”

“Your eyes are red,” Waverly stated.

“Oh, ah, I didn’t sleep very well,” Nicole rumbled and rubbed her eyes. “And there’s so much dust in the maintenance room. That’s it. Just… allergies.”

“We can talk to Lucado about it,” Waverly suggested. “I admit it, that place looks a little creepy.”

“No, no. No talking to Lucado,” Nicole quickly replied. “I already caused some trouble for her. I don’t want to step on her toes again.”

“Ok. I won’t say anything. It was just a suggestion,” Waverly showed her hands making it clear that she surrendered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. The truth is that I’m not the employee of the month,” Waverly noticed that Nicole looked defeated. “I never am. She puts up with a lot of my crap. I don’t want to sound ungrateful.”

“I understand, Nicole.” Waverly noticed that Nicole wasn’t only complaining about her last few days. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

“I had a plan when I was younger," Nicole admitted. "I was going to play on the university league and then play for Boston Pride. I already had an invitation to that. I guess my mistake was to only have a plan A, never a plan B.”

“In no way I want to make you feel uncomfortable, and if you don’t want to talk about it I understand,” Waverly tried, “but what actually happened, Nicole?”

“How much do you know?”

“I know that you hurt your knee on one of the games,” Waverly replied. “Just what you told me before the surgery. But I thought that after that, things would go back to normal.”

“I tore the medial collateral ligament on my left knee,” Nicole explained. “This is not uncommon on hockey. It was a grade 3 tear, but I was told that after the surgery and some physical therapy I would be able to go back to hockey. They estimated 3-4 months away from the ice. I thought I was ok because after the third month I was only limping a little. But it wasn’t the case. I was so eager to go back to the game that I rushed to the ice too soon. The first time I went gliding again my knee couldn’t take it. I tore it one more time. The doctors said that it wasn’t fully healed to move like that again. I went through two more surgeries after that. Turns out the doctor that performed surgeries 1 and 2 screwed up. I changed my surgeon after that, but all he could do was fix my knee so can walk normally. Now I just limp sometimes, by the end of the day. But hockey was over for me after that.”

“Oh, Nicole. I had no idea about any of it.”

“I was so good at it, Waves.”

“I remember,” the brunette got closer so she could reach her friend’s hands. “I know that I don’t understand much about hockey… or sports, but I know you were good and you loved it. I really am sorry that you had to go through all of that. You came back to Purgatory after that?”

“No, I tried to stay in Toronto for a while, but when Uncle Mike passed away he left me his house here, so I knew that I had to come back to this place.” Nicole sighed.

“Gosh, Nicole. And you have to go through all of that alone. It’s not fair.”

“It’s ok, Waves. I’m sorry, I just destroyed the mood of our lunch and ruined everything again.”

“No, you didn’t ruin anything,” Waverly reassured her. “I was the one asking all the questions.”

“I promise next time I won’t talk about my shitty life.”

“Hold on. First of all, your life is not shitty, you just went through a lot,” Waverly looked deep into Nicole's eyes. “And second: does that mean you want to meet me for lunch again?”

“If you are not too tired of me…”

“I could never,” Waverly could hear her heart beating hard against her rib cage like she was 14 years old again.

“It’s always nice and easy to talk to you, Waverly Earp. Even though you are younger than me, you were always the friend I looked up to while growing up.”

“You were friends with Wynonna and Mercedes,” Waverly teased. “What other options did you have?”

“True, but they end up better than me. Mercedes is running her family business and Wynonna has PeaceMaker now.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Waverly reassured her by squeezing her hand again. “Your life isn’t over. I understand that you can’t go after your first dream anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have other dreams. New dreams. You can still make your life happy.”

“I know I sound like a broken record,” Nicole said, “but my life is full of crap, Waves.”

“So we will work to make it better, we’ll find a way for you to feel like you can enjoy your life again,” Waverly stated.

“ _We?_ ”

“Yes, we,” the brunette smiled. “I’m here for you for whatever you need and for how long it takes. I’ll make you understand that. I can be very persistent.”

Nicole could only chuckle before she took the last bite of her lunch. If there was one thing that she would never do was to doubt of Waverly Earp.

_Won't you stay 'til the A.M.?_

_All my favorite conversations_

_Always made in the A.M_

_'Cause we don't know what we're saying_

_We're just swimming 'round in our glasses_

_And talking out of our asses_

_Like we're all gonna make it_

_You know I'm always coming back to this place_

_You know I'm always gonna look for your face_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about this chapter? This chapter was kind of slow, but things will go faster from now on.  
> So, what do you guys think PeaceMaker is in this story? It's been mentioned more than in two chapters... (One clue: it's not a gun or a sword). Comment here your ideas, let's talk some more!  
> Today is Sunday, so don't forget that tonight WE EARP! (and Mel is the director, that is SO EXCITING!!)


	3. You & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly takes a trip down memory lane. Some old friends talk after some time apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends! Are you guys doing okay?  
> Thank you for the kind response you're giving me with this story. I was nervous about posting this chapter because it is super important. I hope you like reading it as much as I did writing it.  
> This is a long chapter, I don't know if I'll be able to keep it always this long (I'm a 2k words for chapter kind of girl, sorry).  
> Just one thing that I want to clarify: there are no villains here. Just people living their lives, with flaws and good actions.  
> We are finally discovering what is PeaceMaker. I hope you like it.  
> Ok, that's it. Let's go to action now!

**Chapter 3 – You & I**

_I figured it out_

_I figured it out from black and white_

_Seconds and hours_

_Maybe they had to take some time_

_I know how it goes_

_I know how it goes from wrong and right_

_Silence and sound_

_Did they ever hold each other tight like us?_

_Did they ever fight like us?_

The work for the day was almost over, but there was a feeling of uneasiness inside of Waverly ever since her lunch with Nicole earlier that day. She was feeling overwhelmed, but the brunette didn’t want to go down that road again. She had done such a great job by keeping all the feelings she had for the redhead buried inside her for so many years and now just a couple of hours together were enough for them to rise to the surface. She was feeling like an idiot and she hated it. Nicole had never had feelings for her when they were teenagers, why would it have changed over the years? All the times she had made a fool of herself around the redhead all those years ago haven’t been enough?

“Waverly Earp,” a woman arrived at her office and Waverly smiled at the sight in front of her.

“Willa,” she moved inside the room to get closer to her sister.

“I’m this close of being offended that you haven’t come to meet me yet, kid,” Willa hugged her sister. “How are you doing, Waves? Already adjusted to the new job?”

“Almost,” Waverly smiled. “Wynonna told you the news?”

“Yeah, I called her today and she told me you moved back to the homestead. The question is why _you_ didn’t tell me before.”

“I wasn’t sure I would get the job, I didn’t want to jeopardize it.”

“Oh, please,” Willa smiled and sat at the chair in front of Waverly's desk. “Lucado would be crazy if she didn’t hire you. Purgatory has never seen anyone smarter than you, kid.”

“Says the youngest principal Purgatory High School has ever had,” Waverly teased. “I missed you, Willa.”

“I missed you too, Waves. So, how does it feel to be back home?”

“Ah, it is so good. I was homesick if I’m being honest.”

“So I was thinking: since you’re here now after so long, what if we made a girls night? Some vegan snacks, a good red wine for us, the cheapest whiskey we can buy for Wynonna,” Willa chuckled. “Dolls can have a movie night with Alice and I’ll give a free night to Robert.”

“Oh, I’d love it,” Waverly smiled. “Is Robert going to be ok with that?”

“Having all night for himself to watch as much History Channel as he wants? I think he’ll be just fine,” Willa joked.

“Ok, I’m all on board.”

“I’ll go home and change into something more comfortable, this principal outfit is upsetting me,” Willa said. “Then I’ll go to the grocery store to buy some things and I’ll meet you at the homestead.”

“I’ll go to PeaceMaker and I’ll let Wynonna know we have plans,” Waverly said already standing up. “I’ll finish all of this tomorrow.”

* * *

Waverly parked in front of PeaceMaker and just by looking at the building, she felt incredibly proud of her sister. Wynonna had quite a ride so far in her life and to see her creating something to help other people was amazing. Even though it was open for just a few years, PeaceMaker was already considered one of the most respectable rehab centers inside the Ghost River Triangle.

Walking inside, Waverly noticed some people engaged in a conversation, but Wynonna was nowhere to be seen.

“Hello, can I help you?” A woman with very dark brown hair approached Waverly.

“Hi, I’m looking for Wynonna Earp.”

“She’s at her office, who should I announce?”

“I’m Waverly, her sister.”

“Ah, so you are the famous Waverly. I’m Rosita Bustillos. I’m working here at PeaceMaker for the last 6 months.”

“Waverly!” A voice of surprise came behind her.

“Chrissy! Ah, so good to see you,” Waverly said hugging her.

“Please, never disappear like that again,” Chrissy said and turned to Rosita. “Waverly and I were friends at school. I can’t believe my eyes after so long.”

“It’s good to know you’re back, Waverly. It was nice meeting you. I’ll tell the boss you are here,” Rosita said.

“Thank you,” Waverly replied

“Yeah, thank you, Rosie,” Chrissy said, never keeping her eyes off the woman as she left.

“Ok, spill your guts, Chrissy Nedley.”

“What do you mean?” She replied still getting out of her trance.

“ _Rosie_. I saw the way you just looked at her.”

“We’re friends and we work together,” the blonde said. “But she’s just great. The way she talks to our patients, you should see it. She cares so much about everyone. She's one of the best psychiatrists I have ever seen. But I’d never have a chance. Besides, we are colleagues, it would be incredibly unprofessional.”

“You could have a relationship and still keep it professional,” Waverly said. “And please, you are beautiful. She’d be crazy not to give you a chance.”

“You think so?”

“For sure. And Randy Nedley didn’t raise no coward.”

“How I missed you, Waves,” the blonde woman squeezed her friend’s hand.

“Baby girl, what a surprise,” Wynonna showed up interrupting the friends.

“Hi, Nonna. Do you have a moment?” Waverly asked.

“For you, all the time in the world.”

“I’ll leave you two to talk. You and me, a night out at Shorty’s this week Waverly,” Chrissy said.

“Count me in,” the brunette replied.

“Let’s check the backyard,” Wynonna said. “I think you’ll like it.”

Just by walking outside the center, Waverly could feel at peace.

“You did so well, Wynonna. This place is amazing.”

“Thank you, baby girl. I hope everyone who comes here feels it, too. So, how is work?”

“Good so far,” Waverly bit her lip in anticipation of her next question. “Nicole Haught works at GRU, too.”

“Yeah, that is true,” Wynonna simply said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, it just slipped from my mind. Things moved very fast these last few days and it didn’t occur to me to mention it.”

“Apparently you two don’t talk so much anymore,” Waverly ventured more questions. “What happened between you?”

“What did she tell you?”

“Just that you grew apart, which is so hard to believe,” Waverly replied. “You two were so close. Poor Father Juan Carlo couldn’t have one peaceful Sunday because you were always together smoking behind his church.”

“Some stories are not ours to tell, baby girl. I think it’s better if Haught tells you this one,” Wynonna was too mysterious for Waverly's liking.

“It seems like she closed herself,” the younger woman admitted.

“Give her some time,” Wynonna had a playful smile on her face. “She always had a soft spot in her heart for you.”

“Oh, please,” Waverly looked away. “You think so?”

“No one who didn’t care about you would voluntarily spend a sunny afternoon hearing you talk about Greece or Egypt, let alone an entire summer,” Wynonna could see the dreamy look on Waverly's face. “I know you had feelings for her back then.”

“You always knew that, right?” Waverly asked but she was now focusing on her shoes.

“I noticed after a while, I’m not that stupid,” Wynonna chuckled. “I don’t know how you feel about her now, but be careful now, ok? She has gone through a lot. She may be a little different than what you remember or expect.”

“How does someone do that?” Waverly sighed. “How does someone manage to be careful and take it slow with feelings?”

“I don’t know, but if you figure it out we can be millionaires.”

“Ok, let’s move on, I’m not ready for this conversation,” Waverly blurted out. “I talked to Willa. Sisters’ night tonight at the Homestead. How does it sound?”

“I’d love that. Dolls doesn’t have the night shift, so he can hang out with Alice.”

“Great,” Waverly tried to focus on that and forget the talk about Nicole. “Willa will meet us there. Do you want to ride back home together?”

“You go ahead, baby girl. There is someplace I have to go first,” Wynonna dismissed her.

“Ok, I’ll see you at home,” Waverly said and she didn’t wait for Wynonna to go back to her Jeep and drive to the Homestead.

* * *

Her head was running a thousand miles per hour, Waverly couldn’t help but think about how enigmatic Wynonna had been. Why couldn’t she tell her what happened between her and Nicole? She understood that the redhead might have changed, but who hasn’t changed since leaving High School?

Sitting behind the wheel, Waverly allowed her mind to drift back to when they were younger and she first realized how in love with Nicole Haught she was.

_(2005)_

_It was lunchtime and Waverly was walking in the library, running her hand on the old books that seemed forgotten at the bookshelves by the other students. It was quiet there and the girl loved that feeling. Every other student was probably outside having fun with friends and she was there alone. At least she had thought so. Someone was mumbling something almost inaudible a few steps to her right. Much to her surprise, she saw that it was Nicole. She was so focused looking for the book that she hadn’t seen Waverly there._

_“I think you’re lost in here, jock,” Waverly approached her friend._

_“Ha, very funny Waves,” Nicole smiled when she finally realized who was talking to her. “But you are right, I am kinda lost.”_

_“What are you looking for?”_

_“The Scarlet Letter, by…”_

_“Nathaniel Hawthorne,” Waverly cut her and walked to her left. “You are three shelves away from it.”_

_“Of course you know exactly where it is,” Nicole teased. She was smirking but followed Waverly close. “What are you doing here?”_

_“I thought I could read a while before my next class,” Waverly found the book and pulled it out, handing it to Nicole._

_“Thank you,” the redhead replied. “Where are Chrissy and Robin?”_

_“They didn’t come to school today, so I came here.”_

_“But you are alone here,” Nicole tried to understand._

_“It’s better to stay alone in the library than at the lunchroom,” Waverly looked at the books next to her. “There’s only so much I can take of Stephanie and Champ talk, you know?”_

_“You could sit with us,” Nicole said as it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_“What? With you and the hockey team?” Waverly couldn’t believe her ears. “Yeah, right.”_

_“I don’t have to be with them all the time. I know they can be annoying. What if it’s just you, Wynonna, and me today?” Nicole offered. “Listen, if you want to be alone, that’s cool, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”_

_“I don’t want to be a burden to you…”_

_“You could never, Waverly Earp. Please, come to have lunch with me.”_

_“Alright,” Waverly agreed. “Let me just grab my bag.”_

_When the girls arrived at the lunchroom, Wynonna was already there._

_“Hey, baby girl. Are you joining us today?”_

_“If that is okay with you.”_

_“Always, Waves. Come on.” They grabbed some food and found a table close to one of the windows to sit. “So, baby girl, where are your nerds?”_

_“They didn’t come today, Nonna.”_

_“Oh, so Haught and I are your second option? Good to know,” Wynonna teased._

_“Ok, Earps and Haughts, what are our thoughts about Perry Crofte?” Mercedes arrived at their table without any announcement and sit there bluntly._

_“We already have a jock,” Wynonna pointed at Nicole._

_“Hey,” Nicole protested._

_“He invited me on a date,” Mercedes ignored Nicole's complaint._

_“So you and Perry are a thing now?” Wynonna teased her friend._

_“Oh, no, no, no. Nobody said anything about it. I’m talking about going out to have fun,” Mercedes moved anxiously._

_“I think he is cute, Mercedes,” Waverly interjected._

_“And you know everything about athletes,” Wynonna smiled, “don’t you, baby girl?”_

_“What does that supposed to mean, Wynonna?”_

_“I live with you, Waves. I see you daydreaming all the time,” Wynonna replied._

_“Wynonna…”_

_“Waverly, are you into Perry?” Mercedes asked. “Because if you are, I promise I’ll walk away.”_

_“Don’t worry, Mercedes. Waverly's jock is not in_ that _team,” Wynonna laughed at her own joke._

_“No, Mercedes,” Waverly said, glaring at her sister. “I don’t have anything with Perry, but you should go for it.”_

_“We can go somewhere else if you want, Waves,” Nicole whispered at her friend’s ear._

_“It’s okay,” Waverly could barely believe how attentive and careful Nicole always acted around her._

_“What are you two whispering about?” Wynonna asked them._

_“I’m just telling Waverly that you cry watching A Walk to Remember,” Nicole successfully changed the subject of the conversation._

_“Haught! Shut your mouth, what are people going to say if they hear you?”_

_“That you are a big softie, Nonna,” Waverly smiled._

_“You two are unbelievable,” Wynonna complained._

_Waverly looked at Nicole and the redhead was laughing at Wynonna. Showing her beautiful dimples. Waverly felt like her chest was being compressed by an anvil that weighed a thousand pounds. It was weird because at the same time it was like she was floating like a feather in the breeze. Her mouth went dry but the thought of what her sister had said a couple of minutes ago: she knew Waverly had feelings for someone. Did she know it was Nicole? Had she been that obvious? Oh, no. Did Nicole know, too? She must think that Waverly was such a stupid little girl who had fallen in love with her sister’s best friend, such a cliché. Nicole must have felt how nervous she was because she squeezed her hand and winked at her. How could she not fall in love with this girl? She was always looking out of her, making sure she was comfortable._

Arriving at the Homestead made Waverly wake up from her daydream. She got inside and quickly jumped into the shower. She wanted to be ready when Willa arrived. A memory from another day that she waited for her older sister hit her hard and she lost herself in the past once again.

_(2005)_

_She was sitting at the front porch at Gus and Curtis’s home, and she saw a car getting closer and closer to the place. Even from afar, she could distinguish the old brown Toyota that belonged to Nicole's uncle._

_“Hi, Waves.”_

_“Hey, Nicole,” she greeted the redhead. “Wynonna hasn’t arrived from Shorty’s yet.”_

_“Yeah, I know, I talked to her earlier,” Nicole sat next to the girl. “I came here to see you.”_

_“Me? Why?”_

_“Well…” Nicole looked nervous, searching for the right words to use, not wanting to hurt Waverly. “I know your parents' death anniversary is in a few days and that you go to the cemetery before the day, so I wanted to offer to go with you, so you don’t have to go alone.”_

_“That’s very sweet,” Waverly shyly smiled. “I actually have the flowers already. Would it be okay if we go today?”_

_“Of course. I want you to know that I’m here for you, okay?” Nicole looked deeply at her. “Willa is coming home from university today, isn’t she?”_

_“Yeah, thank goodness,” Waverly replied. “It will be good to have her here for vacation. I miss her.”_

_“After we go to see your parents we could go pick her up at the bus station,” Nicole suggested. “What do you think?”_

_“I’d love that,” Waverly happily said. “But that would take your entire afternoon, Nicole.”_

_“What, spending the afternoon with you? That sounds amazing,” Nicole bumped her with her shoulder._

_They arrived at the cemetery and Waverly placed the flowers she had next to her parents’ grave. Nicole just stood there, next to her._

_“Thank you,” Waverly laid her head on Nicole._

_“What for?”_

_“For being here and being you,” Waverly let down a tear._

_“I’ll always be here for you, for anything you need,” the redhead kissed her in her head._

_“Can we stay here a little longer?”_

_“As much as you want, Waves.”_

_They sit there for a while, quietly thinking and remembering. Nicole was hugging Waverly and running circles on her forearm with her free hand._

_“I think we can go wait for Willa now,” Waverly lifted her head._

_“You sure?”_

_“Yeah, let’s go.”_

Waverly had just gotten out of the shower and she was still half-naked when she heard the sound of a car getting to the homestead. Looking out of the window, she saw Willa getting to the front door.

“Waves, I’m here.”

“One second, Willa,” Waverly screamed from her room. She finished getting dressed and went to the kitchen where her sister was. “Hey, sorry. I was jumping out of the shower.”

“No worries, kid. Is Wynonna still working?”

“Yeah, she said she had to go somewhere first,” Waverly started helping her sister take the food out of the bags.

“I think that’s for the best,” Willa confessed. “We can have everything ready for when she arrives. She’s the worst cook ever.”

* * *

Wynonna sighed loudly as she walked alone on the sidewalk. She wasn’t far from her destination, but she knew the talk she was about to have wasn’t going to be easy. On the parking lot at GRU, she saw her, closing the trunk of her car. Nicole seemed distracted and Wynonna noticed that she looked thinner then she was since they last saw each other. When the redhead looked up her eyes met Wynonna’s. She clenched her jaw and moved toward the car’s door and opened it.

“Haught, wait,” Wynonna screamed and jogged so she could get closer to the car before Nicole left.

“What do you want, Earp?”

“I’d like to talk to you a bit,” Wynonna said.

“About what? I thought we didn’t have anything else to talk about.”

“Look, Nicole, I know we said things that both of us regret, I just want us to be able to talk again.”

“You want to talk? Now? After you kicked out of your life the way you did?”

“Come on, you know that it didn’t happen like that,” Wynonna tried again. “You are my best friend. I just wanted to help you.”

“That’s peachy, Wynonna,” Nicole laughed humorlessly. “I don’t need your pity and I certainly don’t need your help. Why this change all of a sudden?”

“Waverly.”

“What about her?” Nicole asked apprehensively. “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing, don’t worry. It’s not my place to do that. But she cares about you,” Wynonna admitted.

“Oh, I get it now, you’re here to tell me to stay away from her, too,” Nicole challenged her old friend.

“No, Nicole, I’m not here to tell you that. I’m just going to ask you to be careful with my sister. You know she puts everyone else before herself.”

“I would never hurt Waverly,” Nicole almost screamed. “Never. I care about her. I always did. I thought you knew that, but I guess I’m only another junkie to you.”

“Nicole, I need you to know that I love you and…”

“You _love_ me?” Nicole slammed the car’s door. “You don’t even talk to Waverly about me. You threw me out of your life. You closed the door on my face. You and I were the same, still, you told me I was no longer welcome at the Homestead and now you have the audacity to come here, on the place I work to tell me you love me?”

“It was not like that, please Nicole. You are, and you will always be welcome in my house, but not when you are like _that_ ,” Wynonna tried to clarify. “If you are like yourself, you can go there anytime. However, I have a kid now and I can’t have someone drunk or high around her, she can’t have that as an example for her life. As much as I love you, and I really want you to understand that I _do love you_ , Alice, Waverly, and Willa will always come first to me. They always have and they always will.”

“Are you done? Have you _made your peace_ already?” Nicole asked sarcastically. “Because I have more things to do with my life than to stay here with you pretending to care about me.”

“I’m not pretending anything, ok? I care about you and I have been here for you all along. I know that right now you can’t see the things I did for you and I don’t expect you to do it. At some point you’ll understand that I have always been on your side,” Wynonna said. “And about Waverly, the only thing I ask you is to be careful and honest with her. You know she deserves it.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, Wynonna. As I said, I’d never hurt Waverly. You can go back to your perfect bubble, to save people’s lives. There’s no need for you to stay around me anymore,” Nicole didn’t wait for any reply and just got inside the car and drove away as fast as possible. Wynonna sighed, left behind alone in the parking lot.

* * *

Nicole arrived at her house and she couldn’t stay still. She was pacing all over the living room. She had run her hand over her hair so many times that it looked a mess. How could Wynonna think she would hurt Waverly? Yes, her life was shit, but she would never make anything to cause any harm to the woman. She cared deeply for Waverly.

The walls seemed like they were closing around Nicole and she needed to get out before she began to suffocate. Only a few minutes after arriving home, she left again. She needed to go to someplace she could forget. Forget her past mistakes, forget the bullshit around her life, and forget that her once best friend was now thinking so poorly of her. She needed to go somewhere, anywhere. The first place that crossed her mind was Shorty’s, so that’s where she went.

_You and I, we don't wanna be like them_

_We can make it 'til the end_

_Nothing can come between you and I_

_Not even the Gods above_

_Can separate the two of us_

_No, nothing can come between you and I_

_I figured it out, saw the mistakes of up and down_

_Meet in the middle_

_There's always room for common ground_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, are you guys here with me? Good. Let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments. Kudos are always welcome, too.  
> I don't know if you guys need this kind of information, but it's important for my brain to cope with the story if I have sort of a timeline to follow. So, the age difference between the character in this story is not the same as it is in the show. This is the year in which the characters that studied in Purgatory High School were born:  
> Willa, Doc, and Kate - 1984  
> Wynonna - 1987  
> Nicole, Mercedes - 1988  
> Waverly, Chrissy, and Robin - 1990
> 
> Thank you for giving a chance to this Brazilian girl. I appreciate all of you!


	4. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole walks in a dangerous path.
> 
> TW: Please read the notes at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! How is everyone doing today??
> 
> Thank you for all the responses you guys have given me on the first chapters of this story. It means a lot to this Brazilian girl! In today's chapter, we will explore more about Nicole's addiction. This is a heavy subject and I'm trying to approach it with the maximum respect that I can. I take addiction as a serious disease that should be taken care of with professionals' help. I'm no expert, but if you want to talk about it, you can always DM me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dom_Haught). I've been reading a lot about it because I have no intention of offending anyone. Please know that you are going to some trouble, you can always talk to me or someone and we'll be there for you.
> 
> **TW: Nicole is going to use drugs in this chapter. If this triggers you, please skip the part where she starts to talk to Jonas until the end of the chapter. Your health should always come first. We have a graphic scene here, but I don't think I'll write anything more graphic than this in the future.**
> 
> P.S. I know that "Falling" is not a One Direction song, but it's a Harry Style's song. That still counts, right?

**Chapter 4 – Falling**

_I'm in my bed_

_And you're not here_

_And there's no one to blame_

_But the drink and my wandering hands_

_Forget what I said_

_It's not what I meant_

_And I can't take it back_

_I can't unpack the baggage you left_

The cold breeze hit Nicole in the face when she arrived at Shorty’s. She noticed her hand trembling in anticipation when she touched the handle to open the door at the bar. She put just half of her body inside; she wanted to see who was there. Then she approached the counter and sit there alone.

“Hi, Kate. Is Doc here?”

“Hello, Nicole. No, he is not here.”

“Bring me a bottle of whiskey, please,” the redhead said relieved and Kate sighed loudly.

“Are you sure about it, Haught?” Kate asked, holding a bottle in her hands.

“This is a bar and I want to drink. I have the money to pay,” Nicole frowned her brow. “I’m not a child.”

“Alright then,” Kate poured the first shot. “You know you can come here to drink when Doc is here.”

“No, I can’t,” Nicole signed so the other woman poured her another shot. “He has the biggest mustache in human history but it’s still not big enough to keep his mouth shut.”

“You are a big girl and you can decide for yourself,” Kate ventured a smile. “Please remember that we just want to help you. All of us.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help,” Nicole drowned the whiskey without even noticing it. “Leave the bottle when you away.”

Drinking one shot after the other, Nicole allowed her mind to wander back to her happiest days.

_(2010)_

_She had just put on her gloves and she was running her hands all over her stick, like a ritual before the game. Inside the locker room, her teammates were talking to each other to prepare for the match. The coach had already made the pre-game speech to motivate all of them._

_The team lined up at the aisle and waited for the other one to stand there next to them. Next to Nicole stood a blond girl she knew ever since she had started college. Even if they didn’t play at the same team they were kind of acquaintance because of the many times they had played against each other._

_“Are you ready to eat the ice from my skate today, Haught?”_

_“You would love that, wouldn’t you Shapiro?”_

_“We’re going to crash you guys tonight,” the blonde girl said. “You know it.”_

_“You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better,” Nicole smirked. “But we both know that’s not true.”_

_“I think there’s a scout from the Whitecaps here tonight,” Shapiro whispered so only Nicole could hear her._

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yeah, pretty sure. I recognized her from one of their practice that I watched last summer.”_

_“So, who do you think she came here to see?” Nicole anxiously asked._

_“What do you think?” She asked ironically behind her helmet. “You and I, of course, Nicole.”_

_“The manager from Pride called me the other day,” the redhead admitted._

_“Well done, Haught! This is just the start.”_

_“For both of us, Eliza. We better give them a hell of a show,” Nicole smiled and hit her slightly with her elbow._

_“Come on ladies,” a man behind them screamed. “Off to the ice, let’s go!”_

_“Good luck tonight, Eliza,” Nicole said._

_“You too, Haught. No taking it easy, ok?”_

_“Neither of us,” Nicole gave her a final look._

_The game was almost on the half of the second period and the score was a tie. The teams were giving their best and both Nicole and Eliza had already scored two goals each. The particular competition between them only helped to make the game more attractive and anyone inside the rink could guarantee that because the noise coming from the crown was almost deafening._

_Nicole had the puck under her control and she was skating fast toward the opponent's goal. She was getting ready to shoot when suddenly, without she realized or even understood what was happening, she wasn’t gliding over her skates anymore, but with her body against the ice. Imposing over the sound of the crowd, Nicole heard a loud pop coming from her knee, and following it, the long mourning coming from the bleachers. A second after that it was when the redhead felt the pain. She couldn’t quite describe it, but it was like someone had tied both ends of her leg and pulled them with a thousand pounds of strength to opposite sides. Nicole screamed her lungs out._

_And then there was silence. Not a single breath could be heard inside the arena. Nicole could only hear her heart pounding against her chest. She didn’t notice when three or four other players approached her to check what was happening._

_“Nicole!” Eliza screamed as soon as she got close to her. “Don’t move, stay exactly where you are.”_

_“My knee, Eliza. I blew my knee,” she was almost crying._

_“It will be okay, don’t worry. We need a doctor here! Fast!” Eliza screamed at the bench._

_A few minutes later, Nicole was being carried out of the rink over a stretcher._

“It’s been quite a long time since I last saw you here in my bar, Ms. Haught,” Doc walked behind her, pulling the woman out from her memories.

“I thought you were not working tonight,” she put her hand inside her jacket to pull out her wallet. “Wouldn’t have come here if I knew you’d be around. How much do I owe you, Kate?”

“Thirty dollars is enough for what you had,” Kate told her.

“Here are fifty and I take the rest of it with me,” Nicole grabbed the bottled and walked out of the bar.

“Nicole, wait,” Doc tried, but she didn’t look back. “You know we shouldn’t encourage her to drink, Kate. Why did you let her do it?”

“One: I’m not her mom. Two: she’ll drink anyway, so I think it’s best if she does it here, where there are people who can take care of her,” Kate didn’t even blink. “I think you should call Wynonna and tell her Nicole was here. I have a feeling that she’s not going to stop on the whiskey tonight.”

“I think you are right. Excuse me, I shall go downstairs and call Wynonna right now,” he sighed sadly.

* * *

“Then Wynonna dropped all the food on the ground and if that wasn’t enough she even slipped on it,” Waverly laughed by the end of the story.

“I’d die to be there at that moment,” Willa poured them the rest of the wine that was inside of the bottle.

“What is this now? Make-fun-of-Wynonna day?” The middle sister complained.

“Oh please, like you would lose any opportunity to make fun of us?” Willa said. “Kid, did you know that she made Alice go inside Robert’s store and mess with the antiques he was preparing to sell last Christmas?”

“Wynonna!”

“Come on, baby girl,” Wynonna waved her away. “He didn’t even care. He loves to organize that old stuff.”

“It’s not old, Nonna. It’s an antique store,” Waverly protested. “They are treasures.”

“Well, did you know that perfect Willa over here broke of the vases in the store and blamed me over it?”

“I just didn’t want to hear about it for a week,” Willa replied. “And I paid you for that, Wynonna.”

“How I missed you two,” Waverly smiled.

“I’ll open one more bottle of wine,” Wynonna said. “Who’s in?”

“Not me,” Willa said. “I still have to drive back home.

“I’m out too,” Waverly said. “I have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”

“Oh, you two used to be stronger than that,” Wynonna said.

“You have to wake up early too, Wynonna. Alice will be down here in with the sunrise,” Waverly tried. “Demanding a bowl of cereal.”

“You should listen to the kid, Wynonna. She’s the one soon to be doctor,” Willa teased.

“She thinks she’s the smartest, right, Willa?” Wynonna joked. “Remember when she wrote a letter to Nedley with a list of things that should be fixed in Purgatory?”

“Yeah, I had almost forgotten that,” Willa tried to remember. “She was on what? Fourth grade?”

“Third I think,” Wynonna smiled.

“I could do a new one now,” Waverly said.

“You are one of a kind, baby girl,” Wynonna’s phone started to ring and the woman stood up to go to the living room. “It’s Doc. Excuse me. Hey Doc, what’s up? I think Alice is already asleep.”

_“It is pretty late, I imagined my little sunshine would be asleep,”_ Doc said. _“But I called to talk to you, actually.”_

“What’s wrong? You sound serious.”

_“I arrived late at Shorty’s today and much to my surprise I found an old friend of ours there,”_ he sighed. _“Nicole Haught.”_

“God damn it,” Wynonna replied. “Was she drinking?”

_“She was. I have not seen her there in the last few weeks, but I believe she was just avoiding me. I assume she goes somewhere else when she knows I am working. She left Shorty’s already, but Kate talked to her a bit and she thinks Nicole is not going home yet. Her night is not over.”_

“Fuck,” Wynonna leaned her head against the wall. “I’ll see what I can do. Thank you, Doc.”

_“Always, Wynonna. Call me if there is something else I can do.”_

Wynonna walked upstairs to her room and found Dolls sitting on the bed reading.

“Hey, is Alice already asleep?”

“Yes. We finished the movie and I put her to bed,” he answered. “Willa left already? I didn’t listen to her car.”

“No, they are still downstairs,” Wynonna sat at the edge of the bed.

“What is going on?” He moved so he could hold her hand.

“Doc called. I think Nicole is having a bad day again.”

“Is she at Shorty’s?”

“Not anymore,” Wynonna said. “I talked to her earlier, I think I got under her skin.”

“Where do you think she went?” He asked.

“She went after either Jonas or Samuel,” Wynonna guessed.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Can you take her home, please?” Wynonna sighed. “I don’t want her to wake up alone in the gutter. I would go, but I don’t want Waverly to notice that I left.”

“Of course. I’ll put on some clothes and I’ll look for her,” Dolls got up and after he changed, he kissed the side of her head. “You call me if you have any new information about her, okay?”

“Thank you,” she held both sides of his face with her hands and kissed him lightly.

“I love you, Wynonna. You are a good woman, don’t forget that.”

“I love you, too. Even if you are a lizard,” she smirked.

“Yeah, I’m out.”

Wynonna allowed her body to fall on her bed once she was alone in her bedroom. She knew she could do more for Nicole, but she didn’t know how to do it. Her friend never agreed to go to PeaceMaker and if Wynonna was being completely honest, she could see that Nicole was never the one to accept help from anyone.

_(2010)_

_Wynonna was waiting for her food at the café when she decided to try calling Nicole again._

_“Hey, Earp,” the redhead said from the other side of the line._

_“Finally, Haught. I’ve been trying to talk to you for days.”_

_“Sorry, I had to deal with some things and kind of forgot my phone. What’s up? How are you?”_

_“I’m alright, nothing new. Now, let’s move to what really matters,” Wynonna hurried. “How are you? Your knee?”_

_“Fine, I guess. I had the surgery last week and doctor say it will be alright,” Nicole answered. “I still can’t put it down and I’ll do some physiotherapy next month, I think. I just want to go back to the rink soon.”_

_“Don’t push yourself too much, Nicole. Be smart.”_

_“I’ll be fine, Wynonna. Don’t worry.”_

_“Do you want me to go there to stay with you for a while? We could play some Mass Effect.”_

_“There’s no need for that, Wynonna. But, thank you. How is Waverly?”_

_“Awesome as always,” Wynonna proudly said. “She’ll probably be the best student BC has ever seen. I talked to her today and she said she tried calling you, too.”_

_“I’ll try calling her back.”_

_“Don’t shut us out, okay?” Wynonna plead._

_“We are forever, Earp. You are stuck with me,” Nicole said and Wynonna could feel her smiling._

* * *

Eyes glued on the ground, Nicole walked one step after the other with her head down. There were some puddles on the street, but she didn’t bother to deviate from any of them. She was walking to Pussy Willows because she knew she would find Jonas there. He was always there to sell for anyone who was desperate enough to go that way and Nicole was one of those people. She hadn’t felt this hopeless in weeks. She knew that if she wanted to sleep that night, she would need some help.

Nicole was less than half a mile from the place she knew she would find Jonas when her mind went back to the breaking point of her longest friendship.

_(2017)_

_She drove down the same country road she had been going ever since she moved to Purgatory. They had had some arguments about it, but Nicole knew that Wynonna was probably her last option at that moment._

_Arriving at the homestead, the redhead saw the family in the kitchen. It looked like they were having dinner. The little girl was the first one to see Nicole and she pointed at her through the window. As soon as her mother saw her friend, she walked outside._

_“Hi Nicole, I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” Wynonna said. “Come inside, Dolls made lasagna.”_

_“No, no, no, Wynonna. I can’t stay.”_

_“Nicole,” Wynonna got closer to take a better look at her in the dark of the night. “Are you high?”_

_“Wynonna….”_

_“Don’t Wynonna, me. I told you that you can’t come to the Homestead when you are high. A kid lives here.”_

_“I know. I know the rules. I’m not high. I’m just in a hurry, I swear.”_

_“That’s bullshit,” Wynonna said. “Don’t you dare to lie to me. I can tell when someone just used it and I know you.”_

_“Yeah, because you are saint Jesus that saves the lost.”_

_“I knew it,” Wynonna grumbled._

_“Sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight and I’m not high, believe me. I just need to ask you a favor.”_

_“What kind of favor?”_

_“I… I need some cash,” Nicole anxiously asked. “I’ll pay you back, I promise.”_

_“You need a job, Nicole.”_

_“I’ll find one, I swear. It’s just that I don’t have Uncle Mike’s money anymore. I just need 2k and I’ll leave you alone tonight.”_

_“What?” Wynonna asked bewilderedly. “What kind of trouble did you get yourself into?”_

_“It’s just some people that I have to pay,” Nicole admitted._

_“Dealers. You have to pay drug dealers. If you have the balls to come here asking me to pay for your drugs at least be brave enough to admit it.”_

_“Yeah, fine, you are right! Is that what you want to hear? I need money to pay Sam, are you happy now?”_

_“Of course I’m not happy, Nicole,” Wynonna sighed. “Please, let me help you. Let me drive you home and tomorrow we can go to PeaceMaker together…”_

_“No, I don’t need your pity, Wynonna,” the redhead huffed. “Do you want me to beg you? You want to feel that greater than me?”_

_“I’m not greater than you and I don’t pity you. You are my friend and I just want to help you get better.”_

_“So lend me the money.”_

_“I can’t. I don’t have it and even if I did,” Wynonna settled, “I wouldn't help to feed your disease. We can work pass through this together like we always did.”_

_“You know what? Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have come here,” Nicole had a fire in her eyes. “You think that you are a hero, but you are nothing more than a hypocrite, Earp. You and I used to spend days drunk together and now you think you preach what is right and what is wrong?”_

_“That’s exactly why I want to help you because I have my share of mistakes in the past. But I’m better now, I’m happy,” Wynonna ventured a smile. “You can have it, too. I’ll go with you to find you a job and we’ll walk the first steps together until you are strong enough.”_

_“Save your speech for your patients at PeaceMaker, Earp.”_

_“It’s not a speech. I’m just trying to be your friend…”_

_“What friend are you?” Nicole interrupted her. “You don’t even let me go inside your house! I lost count how many times we pass out in the living room and now I’m not good enough to cross the door?”_

_“You’ll always be welcome to my home, wherever my home is, but you need to be yourself to do that,” Wynonna reasoned. “I have a daughter and I can’t make any mistakes with her. Alice is the best thing I ever did and I won’t corrupt her.”_

_“She can’t be around a piece of trash like me, right Earp?”_

_“That’s not what I meant and it’s not how I see you. I know you are still inside there, even if things are still a bit confused now.”_

_“Oh, I get it now,” Nicole took a step back. “You just want to be able to say that you saved me. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that Nicole doesn’t exist anymore. You’ll need someone else to work your miracle on. Do you wanna know something else? I won’t bother you ever again. Have fun with your perfect life, there’s no need for you to worry about me anymore. Don’t forget to put on your perfect mama face before you go in, Earp.”_

_“Nicole… Nicole!” Wynonna screamed, but it was useless because the redhead never turned around._

Nicole shook her head trying to clear it from her thoughts when she walked inside Pussy Willows.

“Hey, what’s up, Jonas?”

“Haught. What can I do for you today? Something to drink?”

“I was looking for something else, you know?” She asked him.

“Come here,” he signed her to follow him. “What do you want?”

“Oxy.”

“I don’t have any tonight.”

“Oh, come on man. I just need a little to help me calm down tonight.”

“I’m telling you. Businesses are great today,” he smirked. “I have something else if you want.”

“What is it?”

“Heroin.”

“I haven’t used it in a while,” Nicole looked around to see if she would find any familiar face.

“Tell you what, one hundred bucks and I’ll give you two baggies plus the tools.”

“A hundred? Are you out of your mind?” Nicole protested.

“Take it or leave it, Haught. And I’m making you a special offer because you are a good customer,” Jonas crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I don’t have that money, man.”

“How much do you have?”

“Fifty.”

“You know what? I’ll take it because I’m feeling generous today,” he opened his hand. “You can give me the other fifty some other day, Haught.”

She sighed loudly, but she gave him the money. Once she had the bag with her purchase in hands, the redhead walked out of the bar.

Nicole rushed to the alley behind Pussy Willows and she found the place empty. Her hands were shaking so much with the eagerness that she almost dropped all the content from the baggie while she put it on the spoon. With the lighter, she boiled the product to put it in the syringe.

The needle broke her skin with a sting that created a wave of fake relief on her. The hole in her skin couldn’t compare with the one in her life. She closed her eyes and thought about Wynonna. She ruined everything with her and there was no coming back now.

The last thought that went into her mind before she fell asleep was Waverly. Her beautiful face and her pure heart. She was an angel and Nicole knew the girl would feel so disgusted if she could see the redhead at that moment. She could never allow Waverly to see her like that. She would be so disappointed.

Nicole passed out after some moments and she didn’t see when a tall figure approached her. She didn’t feel when he pulled her up in his arms and walked with her to his car. Nicole didn’t know that it was not the first time that Dolls helped her find her way back home after she reached her lowest. She didn’t know how to be any better than that in the past years of her life.

_What am I now?_

_What if I'm someone I don't want around?_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin' again_

_I'm fallin'_

_What if I'm down?_

_What if I'm out?_

_What if I'm someone you won't talk about?_

_And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting here! Leave kudos and comments, so I know how you guys feel about this story!  
> Next chapter, Nicole will have to deal with the consequences of her actions!


	5. Change my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes have consequences. A jazz festival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earp friends!  
> I'm sorry I didn't update last week. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. Thank you so much for all your support with this story, you guys are amazing.  
> Now that we'll only have Wynonna Earp next year, I think we'll have to live with fanfic, right? So let's go to it!

**Chapter 5 – Change my mind**

_The end of the night_

_We should say goodbye_

_But we carry on_

_While everyone's gone_

_Never felt like this before_

_Are we friends or are we more?_

_As I'm walking towards the door_

_I'm not sure_

The first thing that she noticed when she woke up was that both her arms were numb. Probably because she was in a very uncomfortable position, with them laying above her head. Nicole felt like her head could explode at any moment.

She didn’t quite remember how she made at home the night before. The entire night felt like a blur, but she pressured her brain to retrace her steps from the previous day. She was living work and Wynonna stopped her for a talk. Then she remembered. Shorty’s, Pussy Willows, Jonas, the alley. The only thing she couldn’t recall was how she made at home. The redhead noticed that she was still wearing the same clothes she was the day before and she saw her phone was charging on top of her bedside table. It was somewhat strange, but also it wasn’t the first time it happened.

When she could finally move her arms a bit, Nicole pulled her phone close to check the time. It was almost 11 a.m., which meant she was incredibly late for work. The redhead tried to get up quickly but it only made her get a little dizzy. She sat back in her bad and took a deep breath. Not only her body felt slow, but her mind, too. Moving slower this time, the redhead stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She needed to clean herself.

Nicole walked under the shower and let the warm water touch her body. Her brain insisted on going back to the memories of her misery, but she shook her head, refusing to go there at that moment. Once she was done, she walked back to her bedroom to change into clean clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror one more time, but beside her wet hair, she couldn’t see a much of a difference. There were still big bags under her eyes and she looked tired.

It was almost 12 p.m. when she arrived at GRU. She was organizing her tools on her box when someone arrived behind her.

“Finally decided to show up, Haught.”

“Leave me alone, Carl,” she didn’t even bother to turn around to see him.

“Whatever. Lucado said that as soon as I saw you I should tell you that she wants to talk to you.”

“Thanks,” Nicole muttered. She just finished organizing everything and went to Lucado’s office. “Hey, Maggie,” she said to the secretary. “Lucado wants to see me.”

“Hi, Haught. She said you could just go in whenever you arrived.”

“Thanks,” the redhead walked inside the office. “Ms. Lucado. Did you want to see me?”

“Close the door behind you,” Lucado said. “Are you aware of your working hours, Haught?”

“I am really sorry, Ms. Lucado. I…”

“I hadn’t finished yet,” she interjected. “You are an employee here just like anyone else. And don’t even think that I don’t know the reasons why you are late so often. I just hope that at least you don’t involve any of the students or professors from this University in your personal business.”

“No. I would never, Ms. Lucado. I swear.”

“You swore you would commit to this job and here was I this morning, asking Carl to fix the heating at the music department. He burnt the whole equipment,” Lucado sighed.

“Stupid Carl.”

“You’ve been working here for years, but enough is enough. This is your last warning. No more arriving late or being here hangover. I gave you too many chances already. I am the boss here and you are going to behave. I don’t care who asks me to keep you…” Lucado wandered off.

“What do you mean?” Nicole asked.

“Never mind. Just be here when you are supposed to be. Now go, you have too many things to do. Start with the music department.”

“Yes, thank you, Ms. Lucado,” Nicole walked out of the room. She didn’t understand what her boss had just said, but she didn’t have time to think about it at the moment.

She knocked at the door at the music department and didn’t wait for an answer.

“Excuse me, Professor Jett. I’ve been told you need some assistance here.”

“Oh, yes, yes, finally you, Nicole” he almost screamed when he saw her. “The heating is messing with the tuning of the instruments.”

“Let me take a look.”

“Your colleague came earlier, but I think he made the situation worst.”

“He’s not very good with this part,” Nicole giggled. “Carl is better at gardening.”

“Do you think you can finish today? We have the last rehearsal before the festival tomorrow.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Professor Jett. I’ll do my best.”

“I didn’t have lunch yet, so I’ll do that and leave you to work,” he waved at her before leaving the room.

Nicole worked all afternoon in the music room because the damage Carl caused was bigger than she expected. Robin and she could even talk a bit when he came back from lunch. Before she went to change to her regular clothes, she decided to check on Waverly, since they haven’t seen each other that day. She opened the door of the other woman’s office and smiled at her.

“Hey Waves, how are you… Oh, I mean, Professor Earp,” Nicole realized that Waverly wasn’t alone. “I just came to check if everything was alright here. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Nicole, hey. Come on in,” the brunette waved at here. “And don’t “ _Professor Earp_ ” me. Jeremy and I were just chatting a bit.”

“Doctor Chetri,” Nicole nodded.

“Hello, Ms. Haught.”

“Please, you two. We are all friends here. No formalities,” Waverly got closer to Nicole and held the redhead’s hand, trying to make her get closer to them. “I didn’t see you at lunch today.”

“I arrived late today,” Nicole explained.

“Is everything okay?” Waverly worried.

“Yeah, all good,” the redhead dismissed her.

“Jeremy and I were saying that we should go out someday,” Waverly said. “You should join us.”

“Oh, I don’t want to get in your way, guys.”

“Don’t be silly. You would be doing me a favor because Jeremy will probably meet some cute guy and ditch me right away,” Waverly teased.

“Yeah, right. Like that is even possible,” Jeremy scratched the back of his neck.

“You shouldn’t sell yourself so short, Jeremy,” Waverly told him. “I saw some posters about the music festival that’s going to happen tomorrow. We should go. I bet we’ll meet a lot of new people there.”

“The… the music festival? The GRU jazz band will play the opening show,” he stuttered.

“Is that a problem?” Waverly wondered.

“Well… Robin Jett will be there.”

“Ah, so we have our eyes on someone,” the brunette smirked. “I studied with Robin. He’s a sweetheart. You should go for it, Jeremy. We can talk to him tomorrow at the festival.”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy said. “He will be probably very busy with the band and everything else.”

“You could always offer him a helping hand,” Nicole suggested.

“You should listen to her,” Waverly teased. “She always has a girl around her. Nicole knows how to play this game.”

“Waves…” Nicole blushed.

“You really think I should talk to him at the festival?”

“We go there as a group of friends and you give it a try,” Waverly told him. “If it doesn’t work at least you can go back and have fun with us.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay,” he clenched his hands. “But you guys have got to help me.”

“We’ll be there,” Waverly looked at Nicole. “Both of us. Right?”

“We will,” the redhead said.

“Yay,” Waverly giggled. “This is going to be so great.”

* * *

The next day, Nicole arrived at the park where the festival was taking place. It was a little crowded, much more than Nicole was expecting to be for a festival in which the most expected attraction was a jazz band.

She looked around trying to find Waverly and it wasn’t a hard task. Even among hundreds of people, the brunette always stood up in Nicole's opinion. She was wearing a floral dress and Nicole couldn’t help but notice that Waverly was getting prettier every year that went by. She was talking to Jeremy and she looked like he was about to pass out at any minute.

“Hey, guys.”

“Nicole! I almost thought you wouldn’t come,” Waverly smiled at her.

“I’d never do that to you, Waves. I’m sorry that I’m late,” the redhead searched for the other woman’s hand. “Are you ok there, Jeremy?”

“No, no, I’m not,” he grumbled. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

“I was telling him that he should go there and talk to Robin,” Waverly said. “They just ended the opening act and he should go there before Robin goes out.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” Jeremy replied.

“I think you need some liquid courage,” Nicole walked away from them and when she came back, she was holding a few drinks and she handed them to Waverly and Jeremy. “Deep breaths, Jeremy. You can do this.”

“You can do this, Jeremy,” Waverly echoed.

“What do I say?”

“Just tell him that they were great and that you enjoyed their show,” Nicole said.

“Alright then,” he sighed deeply and walked toward the stage. “Here we go.”

“Do you think he has a chance?” Waverly asked once Nicole and her were alone.

“You know what? I actually think he does,” the redhead answered. “They are both sweet nerds, I think they’ll get along pretty well.”

“You talk like all of the scholars were big nerds,” Waverly laughed.

“Well, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you take that back, Nicole Haught,” Waverly pretended to be offended.

“Never,” Nicole took a sip from her beer.

“Let’s find a place free for us to sit,” the brunette suggested.

There was an open spot on the grass and the women decided to take it.

“Do you remember that we used to spend the weekends here waiting for the sunset?” Waverly asked.

“And Wynonna would always ditch us for one of the York boys,” Nicole laughed at the memory.

“Every single time,” Waverly smiled too. “But you always stayed. I’m not sure if you knew it back then, but that was really important to me. To see that you cared about me.”

“Always, Waves. You are one of my favorite people in the whole world.”

Waverly felt her heart overflowing with all the feelings she has been keeping only for herself. She wanted to tell what she feels, what she has always felt for the redhead, but at the same time, she knew there was a big chance that Nicole wouldn’t reciprocate and she would probably pull away from her. Deciding against taking any action, at least at that moment, Waverly took advantage of the fact that she saw her other friend walking alone and waved at her.

“Chrissy! Over here!”

“Hello, Waves. Nicole, hi. I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”

“Ah, yeah. Waverly invited me, so I couldn’t say no.”

“You could never say no to her, right?” Chrissy said.

“I have my charm around her,” Waverly teased. “Did you came alone?”

“No, I’m meeting some people from work,” Chrissy answered.

“Would some people attend to the name of Rosita?” Waverly curiously asked.

“Maybe…”

“Oh, I knew something was going on,” Waverly clapped her hands with the excitement.

“We arranged to come just as friends,” Chrissy clarified.

“They are just friends, but Chrissy Nedley over here wants to be more,” Waverly told Nicole.

“She is coming,” Chrissy rushed. “Please act normal.”

“I’m not sure if we can do that,” Waverly teased her again. “What do you think Nicole?”

“We could tell her all about Chrissy’s 16th birthday, right?” Nicole went along with Waverly's joke.

“Oh, that was a great day,” Waverly said. “We almost killed Nedley that day.”

“Shut up,” Chrissy tried to hush them. “What are you? Twelve again?”

“Don’t worry, Chrissy. We won’t embarrass you in front of her,” Waverly grinned.

“Rosita, hi,” the blond smiled. “I’m glad you made it.”

“Hello, ladies. Nice to see you all,” Rosita sat with them. “How are you doing, Nicole?”

“Good, good,” the redhead nodded, but she didn’t really cross eyes with the woman.

“Do you know each other?” Waverly asked.

“Just from around, you know?” Nicole quickly said. “Grocery store and stuff.”

“Alright,” Waverly didn’t look completely satisfied with the answer.

“They play well,” Rosita said moving a little with the song.

“Invite her to dance,” Waverly whispered to Chrissy.

“You think so?” She asked.

“Of course! Go on.”

“Hey, Rosie, would you like to go dancing?” Chrissy awkwardly screamed. “Because the song is good, as you said.”

“Sure, I’d love to,” Rosita stood up and held her hand for Chrissy to hold it. They walked to the middle of the crowd where other people were already dancing.

“Did you notice that we played cupid twice today?” Waverly asked.

“You are right on that,” Nicole giggled. “We are good at working together.”

“Yeah. You make it all easy. You always make me comfortable,” Waverly ventured a look.

“I’m glad. If it ever changes, you have to tell me,” Nicole frowned. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“Why on Earth would you say such a thing?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole shrugged. “Just thinking, I guess.”

“Don’t go down that road, okay? At least not alone.”

“Okay, sorry,” Nicole sighed. “Do you want to eat something? Popcorn maybe?”

“Popcorn sounds amazing,” Waverly gave her a full smile.

“I’ll see if they have caramel flavor,” Nicole said while walking away.

“You are the best,” Waverly screamed at her.

“I’d like a bag of caramel, please,” Nicole said when she got to the cart. “And one just with salt, too.”

“Just a minute, dear,” the woman selling the popcorn replied.

“Fancy seeing you around, Haught.”

“Jonas,” Nicole turned around startled at the unexpected voice behind her. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Working, of course. Lots of junkies here tonight,” he smirked. “Talking about junkies, is that anything that I could provide you today?”

“Just stay the hell away from me,” she shout-whispered. “I don’t want to be seen with you here.”

“Ah, so you are not alone tonight, alright then,” he shoved his hands into his pockets. “But don’t you start thinking that you are so much better than me. Not when you still owe me money. Are we clear?”

“Just keep walking, Jonas. And don’t worry, I will pay you. I always do.”

He walked away with a cocky and arrogant smile spread all over his face. Nicole bowed her head and let go of a relieved sigh. She wouldn’t know what to do if Waverly saw they talking.

“Here’s the popcorn, miss,” the woman in the chart said.

“Thank you,” Nicole handed her the money.

She turned around to go back to Waverly, and just a couple of steps later she froze at who she saw staring at her. Wynonna was under one of the trees, and as soon as their eyes crossed, Nicole knew that the brunette had witnessed her entire interaction with Jonas.

Even from afar, the redhead could see the disappointment look on Wynonna’s face. Nicole wanted the ground to open under her feet and that it would suck her in forever. She felt ashamed and embarrassed. She wanted to run toward her old friend and tell her that she didn’t buy anything and she would never do it on Waverly's presence, but Wynonna shook her head and turned around, walking away from Nicole one more time.

_Lean in when you laugh_

_We take photographs_

_There's no music on_

_But we dance along_

_But baby if you say you want me to stay_

_I'll change my mind_

_'Cause I don't wanna know I'm walking away_

_If you'll be mine_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Nicole doesn't have a break right? Let's see how this last moment will develop for her...  
> Keep hitting the kudos and commenting so I know how you feel about this chapter!


	6. Love you goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some ice cream. Some honest conversation. A hard decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earp friends!  
> You guys blow my mind every time with all the kind words you say to me. Thank you so much for your constant support.  
> For this chapter, I'd like to ask a little bit of patience. I know things are hard and it looks like all sadness, but keep in mind that we are dealing with a very serious subject here, that doesn't go away easily. And always remember: no matter how hard is the storm, the sun always rises the next day...

**Chapter 6 – Love you goodbye**

_It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end_

_It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends_

_I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me_

_Well, maybe you should show a little mercy_

_The way you look I know you didn't come to apologize_

_Oh, why you wearing that to walk out of my life?_

Walking on the hallways of the GRU, Nicole held a vase of flowers with one of her hands, and with the other, she carried a box with lunch for two. Arriving at the History department, she balanced the things in her hands and managed to open the door. Waverly was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice Nicole's arrival.

“Someone here looks pretty busy,” Nicole said.

“Hey, Nicole,” Waverly looked up from the books that were all over her desk. “Sorry I didn’t see you. Were you waiting there for long?”

“No, I just got here. I remembered that yesterday you told me you had a big day today, so I imagine that you didn’t go out for lunch,” the redhead gestured to the box in her hand.

“You are the best person on this entire planet. What do you have there?”

“Vegan tacos.”

“Oh, never _ever_ get away from my life again,” Waverly giggled.

“Don’t worry, Waves. I don’t plan to.”

“What about the flowers?”

“Well, these roses are basically the only thing that Uncle Mike left me that I managed to keep alive,” Nicole replied. “Do you remember how much he cared about them?”

“Yeah, he always complaint that Wynonna would pull them out before they were ready,” the brunette smiled at the memory.

“This is the only tradition I manage to keep doing. Sometimes they die, but then I buy new ones and we keep going. It makes me feel close to him. I thought you would like some of them in your office.”

“Thank you,” Waverly held the vase close to her chest. “That is very sweet of you.”

“I brought lunch but if you are too busy, there is no problem. I’ll leave it here and you eat whenever you can. I don’t want to bother you.”

“No, no, Nicole. I’d like to have lunch with you and I could most definitely use a break,” Waverly then looked at the books on her desk. “But this place is a mess right now. Do you mind if we sit under the window?”

“The place doesn’t matter,” Nicole smiled. “I came because of the company.”

“Flatter.”

“Just honest,” Nicole huffed a little when she bent her legs to sit.

“Are you alright?” Waverly worried. “Oh, is your knee hurting because we stayed out so late yesterday?”

“I’m okay, Waves.”

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it so long at the park.”

“Hey, this is not your fault,” Nicole eased her. “I just haven’t iced it for a while and I really should have. But don’t worry. That’s not something I’m not used to. It happens sometimes. I’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

“Well, next time we go out, I’ll plan something that won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“I’m honestly good, Waves,” Nicole smiled at the other woman’s concern. “But if you want to do something in a laid-back style, we can go to my place and I’ll cook for you.”

“I’d like that very much,” Waverly replied dreamily.

“I’ll make your favorite lasagna. Now tell me, what are you working on?”

“It’s a combined work with the archeology department. They were digging some sites in Calgary and they found something that looks like a document. I need to analyze and translate it to figure out when it was written. They need all the evidence they can have to establish the timeline,” Waverly explained.

“Wow, that seems incredibly hard. If you need any help, please tell me,” Nicole said. “And when I say _help_ I mean to bring you food, distract you on your break, do something so you can relax, not help you translate. Even if I had two brains I wouldn’t be half as smart as you are.”

“You are very charming today, aren’t you?” Waverly teased.

Nicole only laughed and they continued to have lunch peacefully. When they finished, the redhead began to collect the boxes to put them on trash.

“I’ll go now and leave you to finish your work. I already took too much of your time.”

“Thank you for bringing lunch to me,” Waverly said as she helped Nicole to stand up.

“I know that when you are deep in your work you only remember to eat when you start to have a headache,” the redhead said. “I couldn’t let that happen.”

“That is very kind of you,” Waverly got closer to her friend and placed her arms around her in a hug. She instantly felt Nicole doing the same. The brunette rested her head on Nicole's chest and took advantage of the moment to breathe the woman in as much as she could. “After all these years, you still smell like vanilla dipped donuts.”

“You are the only person in the world who can smell it,” Nicole kissed her on the top of her head. “I’ll come by later to check on you, ok?”

“I look forward to it already,” Waverly said while the redhead walked out of her office. “You had it really bad, Waverly Earp,” she said to herself.

* * *

It was almost the end of her shift and Nicole couldn’t be happier with that. She was just going to put the tools back in the box and then she would go see Waverly. The redhead wanted to invite her friend to come over. They could maybe watch a movie or just talk some more. Three knocks on the door behind her took Nicole from her thoughts. When she turned around to see who was there, it was like all the blood vanished from her body. Instantly her breathe was caught on her throat.

“Do you have a minute, Nicole?” Wynonna asked at the door.

“Wynonna. What can I do for you?”

“I want to talk about yesterday,” Wynonna tried her best to not show any emotion on her face or her voice. “I saw you with Jonas.”

“Listen, Wynonna. I didn’t buy anything from him yesterday,” Nicole rushed on her answer.

“Waverly had told me that you guys would hang out at the festival.”

“Yes, we were there together. But I swear I didn’t do anything to put her in risk,” Nicole said with far less confidence than she had shown the last time she talked to Wynonna. "I even told him to get away from me."

“I’m here to help and I will always be,” Wynonna said assertively. “But don’t you dare to drag my sister on this road.”

“You can trust me on that, Wynonna.”

“Can I?” The brunette challenged. “Because as far as I can see, you have been a regular customer to Jonas and Sam.”

“Have you been following me?”

“You are completely out of your mind if you think that I’ll let you sleep on the streets by yourself,” Wynonna stated angrily.

“Because the founder of PeaceMaker can’t see a lost cause without doing something?” Nicole challenged her.

“No. Because you are my friend, Nicole. Despite what you think about me I still care about you,” Wynonna sighed. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight again. Even if I care about you, and I really do, my biggest concern always was and always will be Waverly and Alice. So I’m asking you, don’t put Waves in a weird spot. She has worked her ass off to occupy the position that she has now. She cares about you and she might not see things clearly because of her feelings. Baby girl is the best of us. We both know that. She doesn’t deserve to be caught in your crossfire.”

“I’ll keep Waverly away from my shit. Just don’t tell her anything. Please,” Nicole said with begging eyes.

“You know that I won’t, but you better do. You know how smart she is. She’ll figure out soon.”

“I’ll work on that.”

“I don’t want to be hard on you, but I have to protect her. I’ll always do that.”

“I understand,” Nicole looked at her feet.

“I’ll leave you to do your work now,” Wynonna said. “And Nicole? My offer is still up. If you ever decide to take the lead of your life again, I’m here for you. My arms will always be open for you and PeaceMaker can be a start. I still love you, even when you hate me. Just don’t hurt my sister, please.”

Wynonna walked away before Nicole could give her an answer. She wanted to say that she didn’t hate her. That what she felt was a shame because of all the shit she had been doing with her life. She was sad, disappointed, and angry with herself. Most of all, Nicole wanted to say that she would rather die before she hurt Waverly because she thought the woman was the purest person in the world and no way she would want to corrupt her.

Nicole sat in an old chair in the room and tried to control her breathing. She still had to check on Waverly. She had promised that to the woman and she couldn’t let her down. She never did, she didn’t plan to start now. A few minutes had passed by since Wynonna had left when Nicole decided to go after the younger Earp.

When she arrived there, she noticed that Waverly was not alone. She could hear the woman talking to someone. Nicole put half of her body inside of the room and she couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the brunette’s company.

“And it is so unfair that she said that,” Alice complained about something Nicole knew nothing about. “Look, Auntie Waverly, there’s a lady at the door.”

“Hey, come on in,” Waverly signed to Nicole.

“I just came to see if you were not overworking yourself,” the redhead said.

“I think I know you,” Alice studied Nicole's face.

“Yes, you do, Alice. This is Nicole. She is your mom’s and I friend,” Waverly explained.

“You haven’t seen me in a while, Alice. The last time I saw you, you were very little. Something like this,” Nicole used her hand to show an imaginary girl. “You are so grown up.”

“Wynonna just dropped her here,” Waverly said. “She picked her up at school and they were going home when she was called back to PeaceMaker last minute. Dolls is working the night shift, so it’s just me and my favorite niece today.”

“I’m your only niece, Aunt Waverly,” Alice giggled.

“I was thinking that we could have some ice-cream to make up for your bad day at school,” Waverly suggested. “What do you think, Alice?”

“Yes, yes, pretty, pretty please!”

“Would you like to tag along with us, Nicole?”

“Oh, no. I don’t think that is a good idea,” the redhead heard her voice tremble and she took a step back. “It’s better if you go just the two of you. I won’t bother you tonight.”

“I told you before,” Waverly tried, “you are not a bother.”

“I just came for a quick check. I’ll leave you two alone. We can talk tomorrow. Bye Waves, bye Alice.”

With that, Nicole left the two Earps at the history department without fully understanding what had happened.

“That was… strange,” Waverly said no actually waiting for the little girl to respond. “Anyway, what if we invited Aunt Willa instead?”

“That would be awesome!” The little girl looked more excited than ever. “Aunt Willa always gives me extra chocolate when we go out.”

“Alright. Pick up your backpack and let’s go. She’s still probably at school.”

They drove to Purgatory High just in time to catch Willa before she left the parking lot.

“Aunt Willa,” Alice screamed from inside of the car. “We’re going to have ice-cream. Come with us!”

“Hey you two,” Willa replied from her car. “Go ahead and I’ll follow you, kid.”

When they arrived at the diner, Waverly couldn’t even say hi to her sister before the little girl jumped on her older aunt.

“Hello, pumpkin,” Willa kissed her on her head. “How are you?”

“Some kids were really mean today at school with me and Sarah, so Aunt Waverly said we could have ice-cream.”

“I’m so sorry, Alice. You know what? Because of that, you can have two extra chocolates today.”

“Nice!”

“Go there and choose what you want,” Waverly told her niece. “We’ll be waiting for you over here.”

“Babysitting today, Kid?” Willa asked as they sat at one of the booths.

“Wynonna was called back last minute, so she asked me to do take care of Alice.”

“It’s good to have extra hands,” Willa smiled. “I’m glad I’m not the only aunt around here anymore. Don’t you dare to leave us again.”

“I won’t,” Waverly smiled. “Should we really allow her to have that much of sugar on a weeknight?”

“We are the cool aunts, Waves. Her mom can worry about that.”

“I can see that you haven’t changed your mind about having kids,” Waverly guessed.

“I wasn’t built for that, neither was Robert, that’s for sure,” Willa didn’t sound any close to bitter. “I’m glad to have Alice around and that I can spoil her as much as I want, but I am not a mother.”

“As long as you are happy, I am, too,” Waverly smiled.

“Aunties!” Alice came to them in a rush. “Sarah is here too, with her mom. Can I sit you them just a tiny little bit? Please, please, please?”

“Yes, go on little one. But when I say it’s time we go, ok?” Waverly asked seriously.

“Ok, thanks!” She ran to her friend.

“What about you, Waves?” Willa asked. “How are you doing?”

“Good, good,” she sighed without noticing.

“Okay, spit it out,” Willa stared at Waverly just as hard as the younger woman was doing. “Come on, I think I know my baby sister enough to know when something is on her mind.”

“Promise to not freak out?”

“I promise to try very hard,” Willa replied with a grim.

“There is this person. Well, there always was. We are getting closer again now that I’m back home. But I think I’m alone on my feelings.”

“Have you said anything to them about your feelings?” Willa asked.

“No, I can’t do that,” Waverly shook her head. “I’m sure this is a one-side thing and I don’t want it to affect our friendship.”

“Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you must be completely out of their mind…”

“It’s Nicole,” Waverly interrupted her sister.

“Haught, of course. You always had a special look just for her,” Willa gave her a supportive smile. “I didn’t know it was still something you were feeling.”

“Wynonna said something like that, too.”

“Okay, now you are starting to annoy me with Wynonna knowing everything before I do, kid. You have to keep me updated, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” Waverly couldn’t help but giggle. “I promise I’ll do it more often.”

“And as for Nicole. She always treated you well. Maybe you do have a chance with her.”

“I don’t know,” Waverly replied. “It feels like every time we are getting somewhere, she just pulls away from me suddenly. She said she wanted to make me my favorite lasagna, but when I invited her to come to have ice cream with us she said no.”

“Did you consider that maybe it was because you were with Alice and not just because of you?” Willa tried to reason.

“I didn’t think about that, but you might be right. She and Wynonna are not into terms, she probably didn’t want to do something to make it worse,” Waverly nodded at the thought. “What even happened between them anyway?”

“Oh, no, kid. I’m not a snitch,” Willa leaned on her sit. “That’s something you have to talk to Haught about.”

“She doesn’t seem like she can open up to me,” Waverly admitted.

“She will, at her own time. Just be there for her. She has been alone for a very long time. Maybe she doesn’t remember how great you are, but she’ll come to her senses.”

“Since when are you so supportive of Nicole?” Waverly wondered amused.

“I am not. I’m supportive of you. Team Waverly all the way,” Willa said. “But you like her, so what can I do? Just remember one thing: no matter how much you care about her, you have always to come first, okay, kid? Don’t let her break your spirit or put you in a tough position.”

“She would not do that,” Waverly frowned.

“I’m just saying that she might not be exactly the same person you remember. High school was a long time ago. If she wants to be with you she must be worthy of the position.”

“I don’t even know why we are considering it as an option. She doesn’t see me like that,” Waverly felt a bitter taste on her mouth at that confession.

“We never know, kid. It might happen. And if it does, you better be prepared.”

“You know what? I can’t think about that right now or I’ll get anxious. Can we change the subject, please?”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel bad,” Willa said. “I just don’t you to break your heart. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Thank you.”

“So, Robert wants you to come over for dinner someday. Apparently you are ' _the only fun Earp to be around_ ’, he said.”

“That’s because you and Wynonna never let him talk about his antiques.”

“Yeah, no. I know enough about those things. I’ll let this kind of fun for you nerds.”

“Rude,” Waverly pretended to be offended.

“I don’t want to cut this short, but I do have to go,” Willa checked her watch. “I was planning to cook for him tonight.”

“Don’t let me get in your way. At least one of us has a decent love life to care about,” Waverly pouted.

“Oh, stop crying, you big baby. Remember that you are the responsible adult today and you have a kid to take care of.”

“And I’ll take the said kid home before she gets a sugar rush,” Waverly decided. “No one in the homestead needs a seven-year-old awake at 1 am. Alice, let’s go home, pumpkin.”

* * *

Nicole slammed the door behind her as soon as she walked inside her home. With a heavy sigh, she contemplated the empty house around her. Deep down she knew she was making one mistake after the other in her life, but at the same time, she didn’t have it in her to fight against it.

The redhead moved to the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets, taking two bottles of whiskey from it. She grabbed a glass from the cupboard, but she gave it up soon after.

Pacing the living room, she wanted to break everything that was around her, but it was useless. She was the only broken thing that should be in that room. It didn’t take long for her to drown all the liquid from the bottles inside her system. She stumbled around the hallway and into a chair that was in her room. She fell over it and instantly the urge to throw up filled her completely. Half crawling, half walking she managed to get to the bathroom and she leaned against the toilet. She put out all the bitter liquid from her body and sat tiredly on the bathroom floor. Nicole used the last piece of strength she had in her body to go back to her room. The chair was still on the floor and she crouched to try to put it up only to fall one more time. She decided to stay there, just a couple of minutes until she wasn’t feeling so dizzy anymore.

Minutes turned into hours and the whole night went by without Nicole realizing it. When she woke up in the morning, she noticed that her shirt was dirty from throwing up some hours before. She needed to admit that Wynonna was right after all. She was a complete failure and she would only cause trouble to Waverly. She couldn’t let that happen. She needed to step aside because she would hurt her anyway.

_Unforgettable together, held the whole world in our hands_

_Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand, yeah_

_I know there's nothing I can do to change it_

_But is it something that can be negotiated?_

_My heart's already breaking, baby, go on, twist the knife_

_Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know... Nicole can't have a break. The moment you all are waiting for is close, I can see it on the horizon.  
> Keep the kudos and comments coming, or how else will I know you guys still want this??  
> See you all next week!


	7. Story of my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy confessions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> I hope everybody is doing well. Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos you guys have been leaving me. You are amazing!
> 
> So, for this chapter... I never had a conversation like Nicole and Waverly have by the second half of this chapter, but I hope I made justice for such an important matter. I hope you like it...

**Chapter 7 – Story of my life**

_Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain_

_I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days_

_And I'll be gone, gone tonight_

_The ground beneath my feet is open wide_

_The way that I been holdin' on too tight_

_With nothing in between_

_The story of my life, I take her home_

_I drive all night to keep her warm and time is frozen_

_The story of my life, I give her hope_

_I spend her love until she's broke inside_

_The story of my life_

Waverly was almost leaving her office when her phone started ringing.

“Hello, Wynonna.”

_“Hi, baby girl. Have you had lunch already?”_

“Not yet, why?”

_“Chrissy is cooking for us today here at PeaceMaker and she wanted me to invite you.”_

“I’m sorry, Nonna, I can’t. I have something to do,” Waverly tried not to show her nervousness over the phone.

_“But you have to stop to eat at some point.”_

“I know, but I’m going to have lunch with… someone.”

_“Does that someone has red hair?”_

“I understand that something happened between you two, but I have to do this,” Waverly closed her eyes. “I have to tell her, Wynonna. I need to know if I can do something about these feelings or if should try to move on with my life.”

_“I know, baby girl. Don’t forget that I’m proud of you.”_

“Thanks, Nonna. I have to go now, bye.”

Waverly put her phone inside her back pocket and left her office, going after Nicole. After talking to Willa the day before, Waverly couldn’t stop thinking about admitting her feelings to Nicole. She knew that the redhead could reject her, but she was sure that was the right thing to do. She couldn’t live like that anymore, keeping it a secret. There was nothing wrong with what she felt for Nicole, she could even call it beautiful if she was honest. With one last deep breath, she walked inside the maintenance room.

“Knock, knock,” Waverly tried to break the tension, but she regretted it immediately.

“Waves, what are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you,” she got closer to the redhead and noticed that something was off with her. “Are you alright, Nicole? You look tired.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” Nicole dismissed her. “What is it that you want to talk about? Do you need something in your office?”

“No, no. This is more like a personal matter,” Waverly felt her hands start shaking. “Can we go somewhere else to talk? I don’t want to do this here.”

“Of course,” Nicole smiled but Waverly noticed that she was putting an effort to do that. They walked silently on the campus until they reached an isolated tree and sat under it. “What is it, Waves?”

“Well,” Waverly sighed loudly. “Sorry, it’s not easy.”

“Are you in trouble?” Nicole interrupted. “Whatever it is, we can fix it. I’ll do anything you need.”

“Anything? What if I told you that I killed someone?” Waverly teased the redhead a little.

“I’d tell everyone that I did it,” Nicole said seriously, not realizing that Waverly was messing with her.

“Wait… Would you really confess murder for me?”

“I know you Waverly Earp, and if you did something wrong, it was not because you are a bad person.”

“Okay, stop it,” Waverly smiled at her. “I didn’t kill anyone, obviously. I didn’t do anything wrong, silly.”

“That’s a relief. Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”

“You started talking about it, don’t blame me.”

“Well, I guess that you didn’t want to come here to only make fun of me,” Nicole said. “What is going on, Waverly?”

“It’s nothing bad. At least I don’t think it is. But it’s okay if you think it is, I don’t want you to feel weird about it, okay? Nothing needs to change between us, I mean,” the brunette couldn’t stop rambling.

“Hey,” Nicole held her hand. “Slow down. It’s just me here. You can trust me with…”

“I have feelings for you,” Waverly interrupted her. “I… I always had feelings for you, ever since we were in high school.”

“You mean…”

“I mean romantic feelings, Nicole,” Waverly sighed. “I fell in love with you all those years ago, but I kept all those feelings buried inside me because… well, because I never thought you would like me back. Or even look at me like that. And I know what you are thinking, that high school was so long ago, but my feelings never faded. You were always on the back of my mind.”

“Waves, I’m not the same person you met when you were thirteen.”

“I know, Nicole. I wished people stopped saying that to me. None of us are the same,” Waverly ventured a look at the redhead and she had a sad face in a way that she didn’t remember seeing at her friend’s face. “We all change with time. We are not even the exact same people we were yesterday.”

“What I mean is that I’m all fucked up. In every way. You have no idea. I will destroy you.”

“Don’t be so hard on you, Nicole. Please. I can still see your soul. Think about what you just told me. You were willing to go to jail for me.”

“Because you deserve the entire world.”

“Look, I don’t want to put you in a weird spot,” Waverly said. “I just felt like I needed to say this to you. And I don’t want anything to change between us because of that.”

“Waves, I think you are the best person in this entire world. I don’t deserve you.”

“Would you stop saying that?”

“It’s the truth, Waverly,” Nicole felt like she could throw up right there. “You feel all those things for me because you don’t know who I am right now. And I can’t even imagine the look of disappointment on your face when you figure it out.”

“Did _you_ do something wrong?” Waverly asked and just by the look on Nicole's face, she knew that there was something that the redhead wasn’t telling her. “What did you do?”

“Haught!” A man running screamed at them.

Nicole looked behind her and grumbled. “Stupid Carl.”

“Hey, Haught. I need your help. Like, really, really need you,” he sounded breathless.

“I can’t right now, Carl. I’m busy.”

“It’s important, Haught.”

“I don’t care,” Nicole hissed. “This is important, too. A lot more important than you.”

“Please, Haught. The restroom on the second floor of the business building is flooded. I think the pipes exploded. It’s a dirty mess there. Literally.”

“Go, Nicole,” Waverly said.

“No, Waves. I won’t leave you here in the middle of our conversation.”

“We can finish this talk later,” Waverly gave her an understanding smile. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nicole bit the inside of her mouth.

“I know. Just don’t disappear on me. Please?”

“I won’t,” Nicole stood up and walked toward Carl. “Come on, show me the mess.”

Waverly stayed there for a couple more minutes before going back to her office. She decided to push away her feelings for a few more hours and she wouldn’t allow herself to feel heartbroken until she ended that conversation with Nicole.

* * *

After spending almost 20 minutes under the water, Nicole stepped out of the shower. She smelled her wrists and a wave of relief invaded her when she noticed that she wasn’t smelling like shit anymore. When Carl and she finished fixing the plumbing, Nicole decided to go home to clean herself properly. She knew that she needed to talk to Waverly and explain herself, but she couldn’t have done that cover in dirty. She had just put her t-shirt on when she heard a knock on the front door.

“Waves,” Nicole was surprised when she opened the door.

“Hey. I looked for you at GRU this afternoon, but you were not there. I figured you had come home. Can I come in?”

“Of course, yeah,” Nicole moved so Waverly could walk inside. She looked around her living room and notice that she had left some clothes hanging around. She started to pick them up to take them to her bedroom. “I’m sorry that this place is a mess.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Waverly said. “You kind of disappeared on me.”

“I didn’t mean to, I swear. But Carl was right. It was a big dirty mess in the restroom and I didn’t want to talk to you when I was like that. It took us all afternoon to fix it.”

“It’s been so long since I came here the last time,” Waverly looked around. “It looks different.”

“Yeah, I’m not taking care of this house as well as Uncle Mike did,” Nicole confessed and started pacing.

“Nicole…”

“That’s one of the problems, Waverly. I know you don’t see it yet, but you will. I am shit and I destroy everything around me. I’ve been doing this for years. Even being associated with me as friends is bad for you, imagine if we… No, I can’t do that to you. I can’t break you like that. You’ve been working so hard to make your dream come true and I can’t be the one to make it crumble. You deserve the best things in this world and not some fucked up like me.”

“Hey, slow down, Nicole,” Waverly stretched out her arm to reach the redhead. “Come sit with me.”

“I can’t… I can’t breathe,” Nicole sat next to the brunette and she felt like she was going to have a heart attack.

“Come here, give me your hand,” Waverly grabbed her friend’s hand and placed it on her own chest, right under her shoulders’ line. “Fell the way my chest goes up and down. Try to match my breathing. Yes, keep going like that. You are doing great. Keep looking at me. I’m here with you.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Nicole felt like she was able to talk again.

“Thank you, Waves.”

“You taught me that, remember? The first time I went cheering on a game.”

“I’d forgotten that. My brain is slow most of the time. Waves, I…”

“I understand if you don’t feel the same, Nicole. I really do. I only felt like I needed you to know how I feel,” Waverly tried to smile, “because I’m not ashamed of being in love with you.”

“It’s not that I don’t have feelings for you,” Nicole joined their foreheads and closed her eyes. “But I don’t deserve being loved by you.”

“Why do you keep saying that? Because your plan of being a hockey player didn’t work out? Nicole, it was not your fault. I know it hurts, but unfortunately, those things happen. Life can be hard, but just because it is, it doesn’t mean that you should close yourself for things that can be good.”

“That’s not it. Well, not only that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t say it,” Nicole sniffed. She hadn’t realized that she was crying. “Because I will let you down and you will see me differently. You are going to hate me. I can take everyone hating, but not you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“You have been a part of my life for so long,” Waverly kissed the side of Nicole's head. “I promise that I will never hate you.”

“But you will be disappointed and you won’t want to be around me anymore,” Nicole said.

“I don’t see anything that can make it happen, sweetie.”

“Fuck, why is this so hard?” Nicole asked herself in a whisper.

“No, Nicole. I’m sorry, please,” Waverly placed her fingers inside of the red hair in front of her and kissed Nicole on the forehead. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry for pushing you. If you feel more comfortable I’ll go home.”

“I want to tell you. I should have told you sooner, but I’m not brave enough.”

“You are, and I’ll be here when you finish telling me your story. And the day after. And the day after that.”

Nicole looked at Waverly and could see that she was being completely honest. She had put herself out there, being brave enough to confess her feelings. Maybe Nicole could use a little bit of that courage and tell the hard truth about her mistakes.

“Waves, I... For some time now I have been… drinking and doing other stuff.”

“Other stuff? I’m not sure I’m following. You mean…”

“I mean that I’m a fucking junkie, that’s what I mean,” Nicole interrupted. “Okay? That’s why you shouldn’t be seen with me. You don’t want to be associated with someone like me.”

The redhead stood up and walked two steps away, turning her back to Waverly.

“Nicole, don’t say that.”

“I am a fucked up, Waves. A complete failure. Don’t you see me?”

“I see you,” Waverly got closer to her and pull her by her t-shirt so Nicole would look at her. “I see you.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nicole tried to dry the tears from her eyes. “I shouldn’t have screamed. You don’t deserve it.”

“It’s okay. But you are wrong. You are not a failure,” Waverly's tone was the most serious she has been the entire day.

“You don’t know the things that I have done,” Nicole looked away. “There is no turn back for me now. I’m not strong enough to do it.”

“Can you tell me a little more about it? Since when is this happening?”

“Before I had my second surgery, my doctor told me that I wouldn’t be able to play again. I felt so angry because it was taken from me. The man does a huge mistake at the table and he just walks away? Like nothing had happened? Like he didn’t destroy my dream?” Nicole bitterly confessed. “I started drinking some more after that, and I felt better. I felt like things weren’t so heavy. After the last surgery, the doctor gave me some meds for pain, but it was hard to be without them. After that, my stupid brain could never stay clean.”

“So all these years…”

“All these years I have been getting drunk and high as often as I could.”

“I had no idea you were going through that, Nicole,” Waverly felt guilty for not being there enough.

“How could you, Waves? I didn’t tell you.”

“How often do you drink or… do drugs? I’m sorry, I don’t want to sound harsh, I just want to understand.”

“Often,” Nicole confessed.

“Ever since I came back, did you do it every day or…”

“Not every day, but almost,” the redhead looked devastated. “Do you understand now why you can’t be this close to me?”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about this, sweetie. I know it’s hard, but you can get better.”

“I can’t.”

“Look, I have to ask it. Does Wynonna know that you are going through this?”

“Yes,” Nicole whispered.

“And she didn’t try to help you?” Waverly couldn’t believe her sister could do such a thing.

“She did, but there is no point, Waverly. I can’t do it. I tried before, but I’m not strong enough. I’ll just fail again. Why fight if I can’t win?”

“But you can,” Waverly tried to sound hopeful. “I know it’s hard to hear it, but you are not a failure. You are ill. And you can get better. I can’t believe Wynonna didn’t do anything about it. Is that why you two fought?”

“Yeah,” Nicole nodded. “There wasn’t a physical fight, but we disagreed on things.”

“On what?”

“Ever since I came back to Purgatory she’s been trying to talk to me to go to rehab or something, but I know it won’t work. Some years ago, I went to the homestead asking her for money, but she didn’t give it to me and she didn’t let me in.”

“She closed the door on you? What the fuck?”

“Not like that,” Nicole sighed. “She had said that I could never go to the homestead drunk or high because of Alice. I owed a lot of money to my dealer and I went there to ask her,” the redhead laughed humorlessly. “I didn’t want to go in. I just wanted the money to pay him so he would sell me more. I said a bunch of bullshit to her and I told her that I didn’t want to see her again.”

“But she let you go away,” Waverly was taking a hard time to cope with the situation.

“I always thought that but I’m not so sure anymore,” Nicole confessed. “I talked to her yesterday and I think she might have kept an eye on me. I don’t know, things are still foggy on my brain.”

“Fuck,” Waverly sighed sadly.

“What was she supposed to do, Waves? She has a kid. I could have hurt Alice. Can you imagine that?” Nicole looked at the brunette for what she felt could be the last time. “You should go, too. I will only hurt you.”

“I am not going anywhere,” Waverly frowned. “I’ll fight this with you.”

“I’m not sure I can do it, Waves.”

“Let’s just think about one step at a time, alright? You are not alone and you don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

“What if I fail?”

“Then we will start again,” Waverly said. “Let’s start thinking just about tonight. We are going to worry about just one day. Can you do that? Can you fight just today?”

“I think so,” Nicole knew her heart wanted that, but her brain was still wrestling against it.

“Can I go on this journey with you?”

Nicole felt a lump on her throat and she knew her voice would fail her, so she just nodded.

“Do you have any drugs or alcohol in the house?”

“Yes,” Nicole cleared her throat. “Yes. Alcohol, in the kitchen. I don’t keep the drugs here. I just… buy and use it.”

“Can I get rid of it?” Waverly used the kindest tone she could find.

Nicole only nodded again. The brunette went to the kitchen and when she came back minutes later, she placed her arms around the redhead in a hug.

“We will win this. I know it. I can feel it in my heart.”

“Your heart is too good, Waves. Much more than I deserve. I know I'm disappointing you. I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize. You are not disappointing me. And I will say it as many times as necessary for you to understand that you are worthy. Just don’t shut me out, please.”

“I’ll do my best. I swear,” Nicole said. “And I am sorry about earlier. You were trying to tell me that…”

“Let’s not think about it now, okay?” Waverly said with a small smile on her lips. “We will go back to that talk at some point, but not today. We have more important things going on right now. You know what? I think we should make some popcorns and watch a movie.”

“You don’t have to babysit me, Waves,” Nicole giggled lightly.

“That’s not what I am doing. I just want to spend some time with you. I always did. Even when we were younger and you and Wynonna thought I was boring.”

“That thought never crossed my mind. I think you are extraordinary, Waverly Earp. Always have and always will.”

“Alright. So go to the kitchen and make us some popcorn,” Waverly stayed at the tip of her toes and kissed Nicole on the cheek. “Let’s see if you still think that once I choose the movie.”

Nicole could help but be amazed by that woman. Before she got inside the kitchen, she looked back to see Waverly getting comfortable on the couch, grabbing the remote control to turn on the TV. She was an angel, and Nicole had no doubt about that. The redhead knew that no matter what it takes, she couldn’t let that woman down. If Waverly could believe in her that much, maybe Nicole could do that, too. She needed to fight for herself.

_Written on these walls are_

_The colors that I can't change_

_Leave my heart open_

_But it stays right here in its cage_

_I know that in the morning now_

_I see us in the light upon a hill_

_Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still_

_And I've been waiting for this time to come around_

_But, baby, running after you is like chasing the clouds_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was long and hard. I hope it was okay. Let me know what you think about this chapter. I always look forward to your kudos and comments. Thank you for being so nice to this Brazilian girl...
> 
> P.S. I know some of you might be angry with Wynonna, but things will be clear for you and Nicole ar some point and you won't be mad at her anymore. I hope...


	8. Fool's gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Wynonna have an important talk and someone says too much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> You guys are amazing, I'll never get tired of saying that. I think you are too good for me, actually. Thank you for all the support you give to me. I hope you all like this chapter, it is shorter than the last one, but also very important. I'll see you guys at the end of this page!

**Chapter 8 – Fool’s gold**

_I'm like a crow on a wire_

_You're the shining distraction_

_That makes me fly home_

_I'm the first to admit that I'm reckless_

_I get lost in your beauty_

_And I can't see two feet in front of me_

_And I know in my heart, you're just a moving part_

She turned around in her bed and although she didn’t know the time, Waverly knew it was late. The brunette felt her head heavy and she was sure that the reason for that was the fact that she barely closed her eyes all night. It was almost morning when she finally managed to fall asleep. Her head was running a thousand miles per hour, just thinking about Nicole.

She decided that it was time to get up. She had to go to work and finish analyzing the documents for the archeology department that day. When she arrived in the kitchen, Waverly found Wynonna there, sitting at the table, having a cup of coffee.

“Good morning. I thought you’d be at PeaceMaker already.”

“Good morning. I’ll just go there in the afternoon. Are you okay, Waves? I thought you should be working already. You arrived pretty late last night.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Wynonna said. “I was just a bit worried.”

“I went to talk to Nicole,” Waverly told her sister.

“How was it?”

“It was good. We talked a lot. She told me everything.”

“Everything?” Wynonna took a sip of her coffee.

“About her problems. Her addiction.”

“Did she?” Wynonna raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think she would do that.”

“She’s suffering, Nonna. This is a tough journey for her. Can you do something?” Waverly begged.

“I have been trying, baby girl. But there is only so much I can do.”

“Isn’t there a treatment or something for her at PeaceMaker?”

“Waves, ever since I found out about her illness I have been trying to convince her to do something about it. Even before PeaceMaker existed. It’s a hard path, but she needs to be willing to take the first steps on her own. She needs to desire this change and her recovery. I can’t force her to go to the sessions. I’ve seen people oblige their loved ones to go for treatment, but it doesn’t help. As soon as the person goes out of one of the sessions, they use it again.”

“I understand. Wait a second. You said _before_ PeaceMaker existed. Did you founded PeaceMaker because of Nicole?” Waverly asked, but her sister didn’t answer. She silently got up and put her empty cup in the sink. “Oh my Goodness, you totally did it!”

“I stopped drinking when I discovered I was pregnant,” Wynonna told her. “It was hard, but I could only think about the baby and I decided that I was going to do good for her because that’s what a kid deserves. When I looked at Alice for the first time, I knew that I had to do something else with my life. I don’t know, I needed a purpose, I guess? Anyway, it took me some time to figure out what I should do. When I saw Nicole in that situation, I just knew. After a while, I got all the money I needed and I opened PeaceMaker. Too bad she never agreed to go there.”

“Does she know you did it for her?”

“We never had a conversation about it, but she’s not stupid. She probably figured it out at some point,” Wynonna clarified. “But PeaceMaker is not only for Nicole. It’s for anyone who needs help.”

“She said that she thinks you kept an eye on her,” Waverly said.

“Sometimes I try to talk to her and invite her to go to PeaceMaker, and I did some other stuff in the past, but mostly I take her home,” Wynonna sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“When she has a bad day, she gets high no matter where she is. I just take her home so she doesn’t wake up laying alone in the street. I’m not sure if she knows that I’m doing it, so please don’t tell her.”

“When was the last time you did it?”

“The night Willa came over and we had a sisters’ night in,” Wynonna saw the questioning look on Waverly's face. “I asked Dolls to go help her because I didn’t want you to know about it like that.”

“Shit, I had no idea. Yesterday, when she was telling me all of it, for a moment I thought you had given up on her. I’m sorry.”

“It’s understandable, baby girl.”

“What do I do? How can I help her?”

“Just stay by her side and remind her that she’s not alone. At some point, she’s going to realize that she needs help and she’ll ask for it. Hopefully, before it’s too late.”

“Do you think that it is possible that she…? I don’t know… die?”

“I don’t want it to happen, but on her bad days, she goes pretty hard on stuff. As soon as she starts the treatment, the best for her.”

“Shit, shit, shit. I’ll talk to her again,” Waverly decided.

“Just don’t push her too hard,” Wynonna said. “If she feels pressured, she might not accept it and turn against you.”

“Is that why you didn’t want me to get too close to her?”

“The only thing that I want is for you to be safe, and not heartbroken,” Wynonna said. “It’s not fun to be around her when she desperately needs drugs.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. This sounds surreal,” Waverly rested her head in her right hand.

“I know we can help her and I have a feeling that, with you back, maybe she will want to get better,” Wynonna tried to encourage her sister.

“Do you think so?”

“She always wanted to impress you, baby girl. I don’t think it changed that much,” Wynonna smiled.

“I hope so,” Waverly sighed and got up from her chair. “I have to go to work now. I have to finish a project that I’m doing and I’m already far behind on the deadline.”

“Aren’t you going to have breakfast?”

“I’m not hungry. I’ll see you at night. Bye, Nonna.”

* * *

To say that Waverly was angry with herself was an understanding. She hadn’t been able to concentrate at work for the past two days and it was driving her crazy. It was almost the end of the day, and she was running against the clock. There was no doubt that she wouldn’t be able to finish it on time, no matter how much she wanted it. If that wasn’t enough, her neck was killing her because she spent all day leaning over the books. She tried to stretch it a little, but it wasn’t making any difference. She was tired and worried about the documents that she had promised to give to the archeology department, but most of all, she was worried about Nicole.

Talking to Wynonna earlier gave her a different perspective about the situation, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that reality. She was surprised when the redhead came looking for her in her office.

“Hi, Waves. Can I come in?”

“Of course, Nicole,” Waverly replied to her friend at the door.

“I just came over to see how you are doing,” the redhead walked inside the room. “Because of yesterday. I know I kind of unloaded a lot of things over you.”

“I should be the one asking you that,” Waverly said.

“Believe it or not, I have good days. I’m not always high,” Nicole tried to tease, but Waverly wasn’t taking it. “Sorry. Bad joke. Too soon. Is everything alright? You look tense, Waves.”

“I’m far behind the deadline and my neck is hurting, so yeah, I am tense and stressed,” Waverly huffed annoyed.

“Is there something I can do?”

“No, Nicole. Just… no, forget it.”

“Are you sure? Maybe I can…”

“My head is just full right now, okay Nicole? I can’t concentrate here.” Waverly blew out. “I had to finish this today, but with everything that I have in mind, I won’t be able to do it. Do you get it now?”

It took a second for Nicole to understand what was happening.

“Waves… Your head is full because of my problems, isn’t it?”

“Nicole...” Waverly realized that she had gone too far and instantly regretted her words.

“I am sorry. I never meant to get in your way,” Nicole apologized, her voice vanishing.

“Waves, you are not going to believe it!” Jeremy showed up interrupting them. “Oh, hi Nicole. It’s good that you are here, too. I have great news! I talked to Robin at lunch today and we are going to the movies tomorrow. Together. As in a date. A date! Can you believe it?”

“That’s awesome, Jeremy,” Nicole tried to smile. She turned toward the door to leave the room. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

“Nicole, wait!” The brunette tried, but it was useless. The redhead was already getting out.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jeremy asked surprised.

“Not you. I did,” Waverly closed her eyes and sighed loudly, she knew she had made a big mistake.

* * *

Nicole walked to her car and jumped in it. She drove away from GRU as fast as it was legally possible. She wasn’t going anywhere specific, she only knew she had to drive. She wasn’t sure how long it has been since she left university. After some time and some miles away from Purgatory, the redhead stopped. Looking out of the window, Nicole saw people walking around as if they all had such perfect lives. She couldn’t understand how they could act like that when for her, the world was crashing down. She punched the wheel and screamed. It was good that people couldn’t hear her from inside the car. The redhead knew that it would eventually happen, but she hoped it could take some time, that she might be able to enjoy being close to Waverly for a little longer before it all exploded. It was crystal clear that she would hurt the brunette at some point, but to affect her performance at work was even more than Nicole had expected.

She was so mad at herself for hurting Waverly, but at the same time, Nicole felt empty inside. During a time of her life, she tried to be a good person and follow her dreams, but at that moment, she didn’t think she was worth more than an empty soda can, dropped at the ground, completely forgotten. Waverly deserved someone good and decent next to her, and Nicole was the complete opposite of that.

She needed something to calm down. She needed something that would shut her brain for a while. It was too hard to think with everything inside her moving faster than a racecar. Resigned with who she was, Nicole drove back to Purgatory.

It was already dark when she arrived in town. She didn’t park in front of her destination, she didn’t want people to see her there. Walking out of the car, Nicole pulled the hood over her head and walked the last steps staring at the ground.

_And yeah I've let you use me from_

_The day that we first met_

_But I'm not done yet_

_Falling for you_

_Fool's gold_

_And I knew that you turn it on_

_For every one you met_

_But I don't regret_

_Falling for your_

_Fool's gold_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE, BEAR WITH ME!
> 
> Also, keep the kudos and comments coming. They make my day happier...


	9. Over again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt can eat you alive if you don't do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> Seriously, you guys are amazing. Thank you for all the kudos and comments. They make me incredibly happy!
> 
> This chapter is so important for the story as you'll see in a moment, but is also very important to me. The scene you'll read between Waverly and Nicole was the first idea that I had for this fic and I wrote this before everything else. I built this story around that particular scene. I hope you guys like it. Tell me what you think about it in the comment section.
> 
> Now let's go to what really matters: Chapter 9, here we go!

**Chapter 9 – Over again**

_Said I'd never leave her 'cause her hands fit like my T-shirt_

_Tongue-tied over three words, cursed_

_Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt_

_Bodies intertwined with her lips_

_Now she's feeling so low since she went solo_

_Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo_

_And it's no joke to me_

_So can we do it all over again?_

With one last boost of bravery, Nicole tried to push open the front door at PeaceMaker. It was locked. She had arrived too late.

“No, no, no, no. Come on,” Nicole shook the door, but eventually, she realized that they had already finished for the day. “Damn it. Shit.”

“Nicole?”

The redhead looked to see who was talking to her and she couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Wynonna. I thought you had left already.”

“I was going home, but I saw you parking. You looked nervous and I got worried,” Wynonna admitted.

Nicole could only nod. She awkwardly moved her weight from one foot to the other.

“What are you doing here, Nicole?” Wynonna asked.

“Wynonna… I...” the redhead felt like she would burst into tears any second. “I… I need your help.”

Looking at her friend’s eyes, Wynonna knew what she meant. She wasn’t asking for money. She was taking the first step. She gave her a shy smile, proud of the redhead.

“Do you want to go inside so we can talk?”

“Yes, please,” Nicole agreed.

Wynonna unlocked the door and they walked inside the center. Nicole noticed that the place was very organized and cozy. They went through a couple of halls until they got to an office. Nicole saw Wynonna’s name at the door. The redhead looked around the room and she didn’t know what to do with herself. Should she stand up? Should she sit at the chair close to the desk?

“Come here,” Wynonna signed to the couch.

“This place is nice. I thought people slept here.”

“There are just a couple of people staying here at the moment, but they are on the second floor. However, I don’t think we came here to talk about them. Tell me what happened, Nicole.”

“It’s late. Maybe I should come tomorrow. You probably need to go home to Alice anyway,” Nicole tried to get out of the situation that she had put herself into just a minute ago.

“She is with Dolls, you don’t need to worry about that,” Wynonna reasoned. “You are here now, Nicole. You can do this. Just talk to me.”

“I… Yesterday I… I told Waverly everything. And today she said she couldn’t concentrate and I know it was because of me. I said I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize her work and I did it. I’m so sorry, Wynonna.”

“Waverly is worried about you, that’s all. I’m sure no permanent damage was made. Why did you decide to come here?”

“Because I left work and drove away. I hurt Waves and the only thing I could think about was going after Jonas so I could buy something,” Nicole sniffed.

“We can fight by your side here,” Wynonna tried to encourage her friend.

“I don’t think I’m strong enough. I tried but I can’t live without it anymore.”

“Yes, you can. I know how tough you are. The only thing we need is to know that you are willing to work on your healing.”

“I can’t hurt Waverly anymore,” Nicole shook her head.

“I admire the fact that you want to protect Waverly, but you have to start this process because of you,” Wynonna said firmly. “You gotta get into this fight for you, not for anyone else.”

Nicole closed her eyes and nodded. Wynonna and Waverly were the people that she had the longest relationship with and they trusted her. She could either live to their expectation or disappoint them more than ever.

“Come on, Nicole. Focus on me,” Wynonna said seriously. “Why are you here?”

“I want to stop using drugs,” Nicole replied barely above a whisper.

“Can I help you?”

“Please. I can’t do it alone,” the redhead begged.

“I won’t leave your side,” Wynonna smiled and pulled something that looked like a coin from her pocket and gave it to Nicole.

“What is this?”

“I am going to be your sponsor. My number is in the back of this coin,” Wynonna clarified. “I want you to call me anytime you need. When you feel like things are too hard, you call me. No matter the hour. No matter if you had already called me that day. The only thing that I need is that you call me beforehand. And I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

“I think so.”

“I think it would be good if you started to come to our meetings,” Wynonna said. “Rosita and Chrissy are doing a great job, you will like it.”

“I’ll come. And I will pay for the treatment,” Nicole decided. “I don’t have much money, but I’ll figure it out.”

“I am not going to take any money from you,” Wynonna said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“But I thought people paid to come here,” Nicole tried to understand.

“Yeah, some people do, but only if it doesn’t make the situation worst for them,” Wynonna said. “Besides, you are my friend.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Nicole admitted.

“Well, you could say that you will come to the next meeting. Thursday, 6:30 p.m.”

“I’ll be here,” the redhead promised.

“That is great, Nicole. The first step is hard, you should be proud of yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can be proud of myself ever again.”

“You will get there, I have no doubt,” Wynonna said. “Do you want to spend the night at the Homestead?”

“No, no,” Nicole wasn’t sure if she could face Waverly again that day. “I think I should go home. I’ll take a shower and try to sleep. Maybe I’ll be better in the morning.”

“Is it safe for you to be alone at home?” Wynonna asked.

“Yeah. Waves got rid of all the alcohol,” Nicole giggled.

“Oxy? Heroin? Cocaine?”

“Not at home, no.”

“Alright. Are you sure that you don’t want to come with me? I can go with you if you prefer.”

“I’ll be fine. I already took too much of your time tonight.”

“No, you didn’t. Will you call me tonight if things get bad again?”

“I will.”

“I’m glad you came here today, Nicole.”

“Thank you, Wynonna,” the redhead knew she didn’t deserve the help from her old friend, but she was glad she could count on her. “I probably wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t for Waverly.”

“That woman has something on her that makes it hard not to surrender,” Wynonna chuckled.

“I think it’s the wrinkles by her eyes and how they look like the moon when she smiles,” Nicole was able to grin.

“You’re probably right,” Wynonna said, happy that the air between them was light for the first time in a while.

* * *

When Waverly arrived at the Homestead, she noticed that Wynonna’s truck wasn’t there. She felt like her legs melted with that. She really needed her sister.

“Hello, you two,” Waverly smiled at her niece and her dad sitting at the couch with a bowl of popcorn. “I can see that Wynonna didn’t arrive yet.”

“No, but she won’t take long,” Dolls said. “Do you need anything? I can help you.”

“I just need to talk to her. I’ll take a shower while I wait for her,” Waverly got closer to Alice and kissed her head.

“Auntie Waves, my Daddy gave me a new puzzle. Can we play later?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

Less than half an hour later, Wynonna got home. She got inside and breathed out happily. She dropped her keys on the coffee table and sat on the couch with her family, hugging her daughter and pecking Dolls on his lips.

“You look happy,” he said.

“I am. I had a good day.”

“That is something that I like to hear,” he moved a lock of Wynonna’s hair behind her ear.

“What are you two watching?” Wynonna grabbed the empty bowl of popcorn and made a funny face.

“Moana,” Alice giggled. “Auntie Waves said she’s going to play with me later.”

“That is nice, baby.”

“Nonna. I heard your truck,” Waverly showed up in a rush. “I need to talk to you. Now, preferably.”

“Now then. But let’s do it quickly. I’m hungry,” Wynonna complaint.

“I have lasagna in the oven,” Dolls said.

“Do you have any idea how amazing you are?” Wynonna stopped in the middle of the way to look at the man.

“Oh, I know,” he grimed.

“Spit it out, baby girl,” Wynonna said as soon as they got alone in Waverly's room.

“I screwed up. I screwed up big time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nicole,” Waverly started pacing. “I was worried about her all day and I couldn’t work so I got mad because of that and I ended up taking it out on her.”

“You two can talk tomorrow, Waves. That’s not a big deal.”

“Of course it is, Nonna. What if she gets sad decides to get drunk? Or high?”

“Calm your tits, Waverly.”

“How do you want me to do that, Wynonna? I went to her house and she wasn’t there. What if she has a bad day and it is because of me?”

“Okay, you need to sit down and listen to me,” Wynonna pulled her sister by her arm. “Nothing bad is going to happen to Nicole today.”

“How can you be so sure?” Waverly bit the inside of her cheek, on the edge of tears.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, but it seems like you are going to have a syncope if I don’t,” Wynonna chuckled. “You didn’t find her at home because she was with me.”

“What?”

“I know. I was just as surprised as you,” Wynonna admitted. “She came to PeaceMaker and asked for help. She was feeling guilty because you got in trouble at work ‘cause of her.”

“Oh my goodness,” Waverly couldn’t believe her ears. “Was she serious about it?”

“Totally. She even agreed to go to the meetings,” Wynonna said. “I think she should be the one telling you all this. I just didn’t want you to go crazy because of that.”

“Thank you, Nonna.”

“Now you listen to me, Waverly Earp. I know you got worried about her, but you can’t do that to you. Keep in mind that she’s just starting this process. Relapses are not uncommon, and you can’t walk on eggshells around her all the time, afraid that if she has a bad day it will be because of you. You are allowed to feel sad, angry, or disappointed, too. She is the one responsible for her actions. You be honest and ask the same thing from her, but don’t hurt yourself to protect Nicole. It’s never going to work if you two start taking punches for each other. But keep in mind that bad days are not over just because she looked for help. This is the start of a long path and you two need to have your heads on the game if you want to win. It’s not going to be easy.”

“I’ll do that,” Waverly nodded.

“With that being said, if you were a jerk, just apologize to her. You know the drill,” Wynonna laughed because her sister didn’t seem to be able to say anything about that and hugged her. “Come here, you big dork. Today is a happy day. It’s the beginning of something great.”

“I know. I am happy, but I was just so worried until a minute ago that it’s still hard to process everything,” Waverly sobbed. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“Good. Now let’s go downstairs because I believe there’s some lasagna with my name in the oven,” Wynonna stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

The first place Waverly went when she arrived at the GRU was the maintenance room, but Nicole was not there. Deciding to give a little bit of space to the redhead, she went to her office with a bitter taste in her mouth. She couldn’t shake her mind of the day before. It was hard to understand why she was so awful to Nicole. What she said was hurtful and Nicole didn’t deserve that.

Waverly was so deep in her trance that she stumbled around her desk and dropped her briefcase, spreading out the files from inside of it all over the floor. The brunette shut her eyes slowly and took in a deep breath. Before she could collect everything from the ground, a hand touched her shoulder. She looked up to see Nicole staring at her with worried and caring eyes.

“Waves, are you ok?”

The brunette didn’t trust her voice so she just shook her head. Without even noticing, tears fell from her face. Like a magnet action, Waverly simply threw her arms around Nicole's waist and held her.

“I’m so sorry, Nicole. For yesterday. I was so out of line and unfair to you.”

“Hey, don’t cry, Waverly, please. It’s ok, it’s ok,” Nicole moved her hand up and down at the woman’s back.

“No, it’s not,” she pushed herself away from the warmth of the redhead. “You know it’s not.”

“You are right,” Nicole smiled, “It’s not ok, but it’s going to be. We’ll figure it out.”

Waverly moved a little bit closer like she wanted to hug the redhead again, but she stopped in the middle of the way, unsure if she was still allowed to do that. Nicole understood what was going through Waverly's mind and embraced the woman in front of her, feeling her relax instantly.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I understand, Waves. I put a lot on your plate. Let’s just sit a bit. I need to tell you something.”

“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” Waverly had her voice muffled.

“I can still hold you if we sit down, you know?” Nicole chuckled and it was the best sound Waverly had ever heard.

“Okay,” she agreed as they found a comfortable position.

“So, yesterday, after I left, I felt the need of using something, but I didn’t” Nicole rushed. “I went to talk to Wynonna instead. I… I asked for her help.”

“She told me,” Waverly replied with an apologetic smile. “But not what you guys talked. She just told me that you met because I was about to set up a rescue team. I went to your place and you weren’t there, so I got worried.”

“I’m so sorry times infinity, Waves. I should never have distressed you like that.”

“I am sorry, too. For how I talked to you. It wasn’t nice of me to behave the way I did.”

“Well, you were kind of right,” Nicole pointed out.

“It doesn’t mean that I can talk to you like that,” Waverly argued.

“I’m not going to win this, am I?”

“Have you ever won an argument against me?” Waverly challenged.

“No, I supposed I haven’t,” Nicole giggled.

“Are we good? I don’t like fighting with you,” Waverly said.

“Of course we are, Waves,” Nicole and kissed the brunette on the top of her head.

“Okay, so tell me… How was your conversation with Wynonna?”

“It was good. She was pretty nice to me, despite how bad I’ve been treating her. She said she wants to be my sponsor,” the redhead showed the coin that was in her left pocket. “She thinks I can get better and she told me that I should go to the meetings at PeaceMaker.”

“Well, I agree with my sister. I also think you can do this.”

“I hope so,” she looked away.

“But I think there is more, right?”

“As Wynonna said, this is the first step,” Nicole said barely above a whisper. “What if the treatments don’t work with me?”

“You can make it happen. And you are not alone, Nicole. Even if things are hard, there is always another day. On the hard days, guess what? We will fight harder.”

“Truth is that I am scared. I don’t know if I can do it,” Nicole sighed.

“I will be by your side as long as you let me. I’d like to go to the meetings with you if that’s okay.”

“You don’t have to do that, Waves.”

“I know I don’t _have to_ ,” Waverly moved a little so she could look Nicole in the eyes. “But I want to do it. I want to be there for you. Wynonna will probably want that, too.”

“Maybe.”

“When is the first meeting?”

“Thursday, 6:30 p.m. I think”

“Can I go?”

“I would like that very much,” Nicole said.

“So count me in,” Waverly smiled and buried her face on Nicole's neck. She held her tight, happy that they had a chance to fight against this disease and sure that they will eventually win.

“Thank you, Waves. You have no idea how much it means to me,” Nicole whispered.

“Yeah, well… You mean a lot to me. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“Do you think they’ll ask me to tell everything in front of everybody at the meeting?”

“I don’t really know,” Waverly answered honestly. “But I don’t think they’ll ask you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“If I have to do it and you are there…” Nicole took a deep breath. “You are going to hear about a lot of shit that I did.”

“I am here for you, Nicole. You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything.”

“I don’t want to let you down, but I know I will when you understand all the crap I did.”

“All I feel for you right now is pride,” Waverly cared the redhead’s cheek. “You are so brave for facing this challenge. I want to be next to you all the way because I want to be able to witness all your strength.”

“You are too good for my ego, Waverly Earp.”

“I can’t help it. My heart wants to say these things, and my mouth just goes with it,” the brunette smirked.

“Thank you for taking a chance on me,” Nicole sighed feeling her heart a little lighter.

“You are worthy, Nicole. I just want you to understand it,” Waverly kissed her cheek and laid on her chest.

Wynonna was right after all. That was just the beginning of something wonderful.

_If you're pretending from the start like this,_

_With a tight grip, then my kiss can mend your broken heart_

_I might miss everything you said to me_

_And I can lend your broken parts_

_That might fit like this_

_And I will give you all my heart_

_So we can start it all over again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, be honest with me... When you started this chapter, were you expecting Nicole to do what she did? Tell me your thoughts about it.  
> Keep the kudos and comments coming. They make my day happier!!
> 
> Thank you for all the love. See you next chapter. Take care!!


	10. Long way down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first step of a long walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> I know I sound like a broken record, but I have to say it again: thank you so much for your support in every chapter. You guys are amazing.
> 
> Should I have made Nicole suffer longer? Maybe, but it hurts so much when Wayhaught is sad...
> 
> Recovery is different for each person, and what works for some people might not work for others. It's a brave thing to do to look for help if you are in a situation like that.
> 
> I hope you guys like this one! See you at the end of this page.

**Chapter 10 – Long way down**

_We've been in fire  
Went down in the flames  
We sailed the ocean  
And drowned in the waves  
Built a cathedral  
But we never prayed  
We had it all  
And we walked away_

It was hard to describe how she was feeling, but Nicole could say that she was agitated. Her hands were shaking and she was pacing. It was almost like she could throw up, even if she had barely eaten all day. Whom was she kidding? She was beyond nervous. It was the day of the first session she would attend at PeaceMaker and the redhead was waiting for Waverly to end her shift. They agreed that they would go there together and Nicole was thankful for that. She wasn’t sure if she would make it there alone.

“Hey, Nicole. Ready?” Waverly said at the door.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be,” Nicole admitted.

“Look at me,” the brunette held both sides of her friend’s face. “I’ll be by your side the whole time. If you feel like it’s too much, just hold my hand and we’ll get through it.”

“Okay.”

“Good. I think we should go now, we don’t want to arrive late on the first day,” Waverly smiled.

They drove silently all the way to PeaceMaker and Nicole couldn’t stop her mind. It was running fast without stopping at a single thought. She only felt like she was back into her body when Waverly parked in front of the center.

“Deep breaths. Don’t forget it.”

“I’m… I’m embarrassed,” Nicole bit her lower lip.

“No, sweetie,” Waverly tried.

“I know everyone here knows what I do and what I use. It’s just… being here makes it real. And I get it, it’s already real, but… forget it, it’s stupid,” Nicole sighed. “I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

“It’s not stupid, Nicole. You are nervous. That’s ok. Do you still want to go?” Waverly asked and the redhead saw in her eyes how much hope she had.

“Yes,” Nicole swallowed the lump in her throat.

“You are not alone,” Waverly got out of her car walked to the other side of it, opening the door to Nicole, and offered her hand so the redhead could take it. “We are in this together, and we will win,” Waverly strongly stated.

“Have I ever told you how extraordinary you are?”

“Flirt with me later, Nicole Haught. Now we have some work to do,” Waverly walked pulling the redhead by her hand.

As soon as they walked through the door, they saw Wynonna waiting for them. Waverly knew her sister was nervous, too, because she was biting her nails. Her face was flooded with relief when she looked at the two women getting into PeaceMaker.

“There you are,” Wynonna said.

“Are we late?” Waverly worried.

“Not at all. We have a few minutes before the meeting starts. How are you today, Nicole?”

“About to throw up on this beautiful wooden floor,” the redhead said.

“It’s my day to sweep the floor today, so if you could save it for tomorrow it would be great,” Wynonna followed. “It’s Chrissy’s turn.”

“You must really love me, Wynonna,” Chrissy showed up behind them with Rosita by her side. “All the time talking about me.”

“Not sure you’ll like this time,” Waverly chuckled.

“Hello, Nicole. It’s so good that you are joining us today,” the blonde said.

“Thanks,” Nicole could barely look into the woman’s eyes.

“Nicole, could you come with me for a second?” Rosita asked.

“Sure,” the redhead nodded, following her. Waverly decided that she would go, too, but Rosita stopped her.

“I’d like to talk to Nicole alone. It won’t take long.”

“Oh. Well, are you good?” Waverly looked at Nicole.

“Yeah, I think I am.”

“Alright. I’ll wait for you here.”

“See you in a bit,” Nicole tried to smile, but she only managed to make a weird face.

“Relax, baby girl. We don’t torture people here.”

“I promised I would be with her all the time,” Waverly complained.

“Rosita just wants to get to know Nicole a little more,” Chrissy said.

“Well, I’ll do that thing,” Wynonna gave a knowing nod to her friend and walked away, leaving her sister with no clue about what was happening.

“Where is she going?”

“She’s giving us some space to talk,” Chrissy said with what Waverly could only assume was her therapist's face.

“About what?” The brunette asked.

“It’s the first time you come to a meeting. You should get to know what the steps we are going to follow are.”

“But I am just here to support Nicole,” Waverly didn’t understand what her friend was doing.

“I know, but partners are an important component of the recovery journey,” Chrissy smiled.

“Nicole and I are just friends,” Waverly whined.

“I see the way she looks at you, Waves. You are important to her. Don’t doubt that,” Chrissy said.

“I just want her to be okay,” Waverly sighed.

“It’s a long, tough, and tiring path. She’ll be in a bad mood quite often. You have to prepare yourself for that.”

“I get it.”

“Her body will ask for the drugs, even if she decided she doesn’t want it anymore. It’s not unusual for addicts to slip and use something after some days.”

“I trust her. She will fight it.”

“I’m not talking about trust. I’m talking about understanding. Withdrawals and relapses are real,” Chrissy clarified. “I don’t want you to just tell her that is okay if it happens, but judging her if it does won’t help either.”

“I would never…”

“I honestly believe that you wouldn’t do it consciously, but this process can be exhausting, Waves. I just want you to know what you are signing for and for you to be sure that you can keep up with it. It’s not a shame if you think it’s too much. Rosie, Wynonna, and I will be close to her here, you don’t need to worry about her being alone.”

“I know you will, Chrissy. I don’t doubt it for a second. But I want to be here. I want to be next to her in this fight.”

“Welcome to the team, then,” Chrissy smiled. “She will need all the support that she can have.”

“I didn’t want her to notice, but I’m a little nervous, too.”

“That’s perfectly normal. If you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me. If you feel like we are too close for you to do that, I can talk to Rosita. She’ll love to help.”

“Do you think they know each other?” Waverly wondered.

“Who?”

“Rosita and Nicole.”

“Oh. Ah… Yes, they do.”

“Were they… together?” Waverly whispered.

“No, no. Nothing like that. But you should ask Nicole.”

“People tell me that all the time,” Waverly huffed. “It’s starting to annoy me.”

“It’s Nicole's story and she should be the one choosing who she tells it to,” Chrissy reasoned. “Even if I think she wouldn’t mind if I told you, she should do it.”

“You are great at your job,” Waverly teased her friend. “You know that, right?”

“I hope so, or else your sister would skin me alive.”

“Still a drama queen, though,” the brunette laughed.

“Shut up,” Chrissy bumped her friend on her shoulder. “Are you good?”

“Yeah. I just don’t understand how I haven’t noticed anything. She told me that she has been doing it quite often. I was so close to her most of the time and I didn’t see anything,” Waverly moaned.

“Addicts are good at hiding. They have a lot of practice in doing that. Don’t worry, now that you know, you’ll notice if there is any difference in her.”

“I hope that it doesn’t happen again,” Waverly said.

* * *

A couple of halls distant from the front door, Nicole stood awkwardly, without knowing what Rosita could possibly want to talk to her right before the meeting.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but there are some things that I’d like to talk to you about before we start this journey.”

“Alright.”

“Did you use any drugs or alcohol today?”

“No.”

“When was the last time you did?”

“A few days ago,” Nicole confessed.

“Don’t feel bad for that, Nicole. I just want to keep up with your history,” Rosita gave her a supportive smile. “Have you ever been to a rehab center or an addiction treatment?”

“I tried twice before. Not here at PeaceMaker, but I did. It didn’t work, obviously,” Nicole said.

“Are you familiar with the 12 steps program?” Rosita asked.

“Yeah. Step 2 and 3 always make me give up,” the redhead admitted. “All this God stuff doesn’t fit me very well. I mean no offense, if you believe in all of it, I’m cool with that. I’m just not a religious person.”

“None taken. You’ll see that we are not a conventional center here. I want you to know that we work with a similar program here, but not exactly the 12 steps. PeaceMaker doesn’t force religiosity into people. You can believe in it here if it makes you feel good, but it is not our purpose,” Rosita told her. “All we want here is for you to overcome this disease. Personally, I believe a lot more in science and hard work.”

“Hard work… Not my strongest feature.”

“We’ll get there,” Rosita said. “You must know that we are a little different from other centers. Most people that come for treatment don’t stay here permanently. If you think it would be better for you to sleep here, we can arrange that, but you can also stay at your own home during treatment. We trust you to stick to the plan we’ll trace for you and if you feel like it’s a bad day, call your sponsor.”

“Wynonna said she wanted to be my sponsor,” Nicole said.

“I’m aware. Do you want to stay here?”

“I think I want to stay home,” Nicole decided. “I have to work after all. Is that okay?”

“Of course. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable,” Rosita nodded. “Today is only the first meeting you’ll attend, and I’d like for you to come tomorrow so we can talk more. What do you think?”

“Sounds like a plan. What do I have to do today?”

“Nothing that you don’t want to do, but if you feel comfortable, you can introduce yourself. You don’t have to tell your whole story or anything that you don’t want to. Just say your name and tell people that this is day one for you. That will be enough for us to start,” Rosita clarified. “It’s our first step at PeaceMaker. It doesn’t have to happen today, though. Whenever you do it, we’ll start counting your steps. We’ll go at your pace, okay?”

“I guess so.”

“Remember that there will only be people who understand what you are going through in the room. They have all been there before. No judgment here. It’s a rule.”

“Yeah, I can do it,” Nicole stated. “Look, Rosita. I’m sorry. For how I treated you the first time that we met, at the grocery store. You came to talk to me and I was rude to you. I thought you were going after me because Wynonna had told you to do it.”

“Don’t worry about it, Nicole. Wynonna only told me who you were. I was the one who decided to try to talk to you. I didn’t mean to upset you the way I did.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Nicole acknowledge. “You were kind of cool if I really think about it now.”

“No hard feelings, I promise. But I’m way more than _kind of cool_ , Haught. I’m awesome,” Rosita joked.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Are we good?” Rosita asked. “I want us to have a good understanding. For both of our own sakes.”

“I want that, too,” Nicole said.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Wynonna showed up at the corner of the hall. “Time for the meeting.”

“I’ll see you in there,” Rosita said to the redhead. She headed to the other room, leaving Wynonna and Nicole alone in the hallway.

“Ready, Haught?”

“Still nervous,” the redhead replied.

“I have an idea,” Wynonna opened her eyes wide the way she always did when she felt smart. “Sometimes, when people feel like it’s too much, they say some words, like a mantra.”

“Which words?” Nicole wondered.

“It depends on the person. You could say _make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway_ ,” Wynonna suggested.

“Wait…” Nicole suspected. “Isn’t that a Kelly Clarkson song?”

“Yes.”

“Why would you want me to sing that in my head?” Nicole huffed.

“Don’t be too picky,” Wynonna complained. “It was the first thing that I could think about. Remember that Waves used to make us listen to that all the time?

“Yeah. God, we had to listen to that song every single day,” Nicole chuckled.

“There you go then. Sing the lyrics in your head and think about Waverly. That will do the trick.”

“If you say so. _Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway_ ,” Nicole repeated the words with her eyes closed. “Let’s do it.”

“That’s the spirit,” Wynonna held the redhead on her shoulder. “Come on. Baby girl is probably thinking that we chained you back here by now.”

As soon as they walked inside the room, Nicole noticed that the people there were sitting in a circle. There weren’t many people, which the redhead thought was odd.

“Thursday is the day we have fewer participants,” Wynonna said, sensing the confusion in the woman next to her.

Nicole guessed that Chrissy would be leading the meeting because there was some space between her seat and the chairs on both of her sides. She felt fingers intertwining with hers and she looked to her left just to find Waverly there, giving her a smile that was a lot brighter than she felt she deserved.

The brunette guided them to three empty chairs and when they sat, Nicole had the Earp sisters by both of her sides.

“Good evening, everyone. Welcome to our Thursday night meeting. For anyone who doesn’t know me, my name is Chrissy Nedley and I’ll be leading the meeting today. This is an open meeting, which means we are receiving family and friends to share our experiences with them. Although we have guests, nothing that will be discussed here tonight can be talked about outside PeaceMaker with other people. Every subject addressed in this meeting stay here. If any of you would like to talk more about anything else, you can reach Wynonna, Rosita, or me by the end of the meeting. Does anyone have any questions?” Chrissy looked around, and as no one showed any intention of asking anything, she continued. “Before we talk about our experiences, I’d like to ask someone to take a step ahead because today is a very important day for him. Fish, it’s your 365 days clean mark today. Could you say a few words for us?”

He nodded at her and stood up before he started talking.

“Hello everyone. My name is Ambrose, but everyone calls me Fish.”

“Hello, Fish.”

“And as Miss Nedley was saying, today I am 365 days clean. It’s been a long road for me and I never thought I would be able to stand here the way I do now. I am one of the lucky ones because I have my lovely husband here with me. He has been supporting me during my worst days and I’m glad that now I can share the happiest ones with him. Thank you, Levi. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Thinking about my addiction, even though I haven’t used any kind of drug for a year, I don’t consider myself cured because I don’t believe there is such a thing as a cure for this illness. This is my personal belief, but I think that us, addicts, must be working hard on getting better every day. I like to think about myself as if I was a diabetic, always paying attention to my behavior and being careful with my actions. I feel like myself again after so many years. For some time in my life, I was lost, but now that I am here, I don’t ever want to go back to that version of me. I don’t hate myself for what I did, I respect it, but it’s no longer who I am. That’s why even if I am clean for one entire year, I still think about one day at a time. Always vigilant, but also seeing the beauty that life can be. If I work hard enough, maybe we can spend my 2 year-clean anniversary at some beach in Hawaii, what do you think love?” He laughed while sitting back in his chair.

“Thank you, Fish. You are doing a great job, you should be proud of yourself. And if you go to Hawaii, please eat some poke thinking about me,” Chrissy joked. “Does anyone else would like to say something?”

A woman named Ines who was clean for 90 days and going to step four stood up and started talking. After her, other people talked too, and Nicole could only think that they were so brave. All of them, fighting so hard to be better for themselves. To reach a point where they could enjoy the simple things in life one more time. They were doing all they could to be close to their loved ones while they were still here so they wouldn’t be left with regret. Nicole realized that she wanted that too. She would love to go traveling with Waverly or even just watching the sunset with her. She loved hockey and she hated how it was taken away from her, but she didn’t want to water that seed anymore. All that the redhead wanted was to be able to find happiness again, without having to look over her shoulder or to lie to people she loved all the time.

Between the participants and Chrissy talk, almost two hours went by without Nicole noticing it.

“Before we end our meeting today, is there anyone who would like to say something else?” Chrissy asked them.

 _Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway,_ Nicole thought as she held her hand up high.

“Yes?” Chrissy smiled brightly at her. The redhead looked at Waverly by her side and the brunette looked so proud of her that she knew it was the right thing to do.

“Hi. I… I am Nicole…”

“Hi, Nicole.”

“Yeah. Hi,” she stuttered. “I… I just wanted to say that I am an addict, and today is day one for me. Ah…yeah, that’s pretty much it,” she sat back fast and she felt like her face was about to explode.

“Thank you, Nicole. It was very brave of you to do that on your first meeting,” Chrissy encourage her. “It is going to be a pleasure to have you with us during your journey. Thank you for today, everyone. I’d like to remind you that we have meetings every evening from Monday to Friday and in the morning on the weekends. Remember: keep coming back to PeaceMaker. It works if you work and you will make your peace.”

Slowly, people started to stand up and talk to each other about other subjects that were not their addiction. Nicole could sense that they had become friends by attending these meetings.

“I think I’ll go outside for a bit,” Nicole told Waverly and Wynonna.

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked her.

“Yeah, I just need some fresh air.”

“Should I follow her?” Waverly asked her sister as they watched the redhead walk out the door.

“Give her a minute, baby girl. Today was hard for her. She’ll be just fine. Don’t worry.”

Nicole didn’t look around once she stepped outside of PeaceMaker. She sat in the first place she found and sighed deeply. What a day.

“Sup.”

Nicole was surprised to see a teenage girl sitting at the bench she had chosen.

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t realize there was someone here,” Nicole said. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“It’s fine. I’m just waiting for my mom,” the girl said.

“Was she…” Nicole signed to the front door of PeaceMaker.

“Oh, no. She’s at work. But not here. I’m Rachel, by the way.”

“I’m Nicole.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day,” Nicole tried to smile.

“Were you at the meeting?” Rachel asked.

“I was.”

“My mom is a doctor and she said this place is good,” the girl said.

“It is,” Nicole agreed. “It’s my first day, but I can already see they do a good job. But why are you here alone?”

“My mom is working late today and I was bored all day alone at home,” she explained.

“Ditched your friends today?”

“I don’t have many friends,” Rachel looked ahead while she talked. “Kind of a lone wolf.”

“ _Lone wolf_. Yeah, I knew one once,” Nicole chuckled.

“What happened to her?”

“We became best friends. We had a lot in common.”

“It must be nice,” the girl nodded.

“It is. At some point, you will find people who have something in common with you, too. People who like the same things that you do. They will be like your found family,” Nicole smiled at the thought. “I know it. I had mine, too.”

“I doubt there are many girls who like hockey here in Purgatory,” Rachel chuckled.

“Well, I did when I was your age. You never know what the future has in stock for you.”

“Well, most kids at school already think I’m weird. I’m not too eager to give them more reasons. You know the drill.”

“You will find your people, Rachel. Don’t worry too much about that,” Nicole said. “And if you ask me, I think you look cool. Don’t change who you are to try to fit somewhere. The world needs all kinds of different people.”

“Thank you,” the teenager replied.

They stayed there, quietly, for a few minutes before a car turned around the corner, coming in their direction.

“It’s my mom,” Rachel said as soon as the car stopped in front of them. She stood up and walked toward it, but she turned around before she went inside. “Hey, Nicole… I think you are very brave for coming here today.”

With that, she greeted her mom and they drove away. Not a second went by and Nicole felt a soft hand touching her back.

“Who was that?” Waverly asked.

“I just met her,” Nicole replied. “She was waiting for her mom and we kept each other company.”

“Well, are you ready to go? Do you want me to take you home?”

“I’d like that.”

“Let’s go then.”

“There is one more thing, and if it’s too much to ask, please say no but… How would you feel about staying with me tonight? I don’t mean staying _staying_ with me,” Nicole rambled. “It’s just that my mind is going so fast that I feel like I’ll go crazy if I stay alone with my brain tonight.”

“I’d love to stay with you,” Waverly threw her arms around the redhead in a hug.

“Thank you, Waves. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’ll never have to wonder about that anymore. I’ll always be here for you.”

As they drove to her place, Nicole promised herself that this time she would work harder than ever. She would do anything she could to make Waverly proud of her again and to be worthy of being next to her.

_Point of no return and now  
It's just too late to turn around  
I try to forgive you  
But I struggle 'cause I don't know how  
We built it up so high and now I'm falling  
It's a long way down  
It's a long way down, from here_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts about this one? Keep the kudos and comments coming, they make my day happier.
> 
> For the next chapter, I heard that Halloween and fluff are on our way... Is that going to happen? I don't know, I guess you guys will have to come by next week...
> 
> Well, okay then. Bye!


	11. I want to write you a song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, Halloween, fluff... Is there anything else to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> Here I go again, like a broken record... Thank you so much for all the love you send my way. You have no idea how much it means to me.  
> Today we have a chapter full of wayhaught fluff. I hope you like it!  
> See you at the end of this page!

**Chapter 11 – I want to write you a song**

_I want to write you a song_

_One that's beautiful as you are sweet_

_With just a hint of pain_

_For the feeling that I get when you are gone_

_I want to write you a song_

_I want to lend you my coat_

_One that's as soft as your cheek_

_So when the world is cold_

_You'll have a hiding place you can go_

_I want to lend you my coat_

Nicole took one step behind to admire her work and she couldn’t help but smile proudly about herself. She had done a good job and she was sure that Waverly would like it, too. With one last movement, she placed it in the perfect spot inside of the brunette’s office. Now the only thing she had to do was to get out of there before Waverly arrived for work and wait to see her reaction. She hoped it would be a good surprise.

The redhead looked around the place to make sure she hadn’t forgotten any tool behind and then she walked out of there quietly. She put the key inside of the lock, now she just had to turn it around and…

“Nicole?”

She froze with the voice behind her. She was so close to doing exactly as she had planned. It was an _almost_ perfect plan.

“Morning, Waves,” Nicole turned around to look at the woman.

“You were inside my office…”

“I was.”

“How did you get in?” Waverly was frowning, but she had a joyful smile on her lips.

“I have the key,” Nicole showed the bunch of keys in her hand.

“Really?”

“To be fair, I have the keys to every office here.”

“And can you tell me why you were in my office before I even arrived?” Waverly put one hand on her hips.

“Well, I…” Nicole couldn’t understand why she didn’t show it to Waverly already. “You know what? You should go in and check for yourself.”

“You are weird this morning,” Waverly giggled and walked past the redhead. Getting inside her office, she noticed something she had never seen before. It was made of wood, but she couldn’t quite understand what it was. She got closer to it and noted that it smelled good as it was recently built. “Nicole… Is this a reading table?”

“It is,” the redhead buried her hands in her pockets, blushing a little bit.

“Did you make it?” Waverly ran her fingers over the wood so lightly, afraid that she would ruin Nicole's work if she wasn’t careful enough.

“Yes. The other day you were saying that your neck was hurting because you were with your head down over your desk for so long. I thought you could use one of these. If you move this,” Nicole showed her one of the pegs, “it can hold the book and you can adjust to use more than one book at a time. Oh, and here you can adjust the height of the table, so you can use it when you are sitting or when you are standing up. By the way, I used demolition wood, so it’s like recycling, right?”

Waverly couldn’t believe her ears and if she was honest, she knew she had to put a lot of effort so she wouldn’t end up bursting into tears. She moved into Nicole's personal space and threw her arms around the redhead in a tight hug. Once she had her face in the woman’s chest, the smell of vanilla filled her completely. Waverly was sure that was the most comfortable place in the world for her.

“Thank you,” Waverly felt her voice almost failing her.

“It was nothing, Waves. Really.”

“Of course it was. You built it with your own hands,” she moved a little so she could look at the redhead in her eyes. “That is amazing.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Nicole said. “You deserve the whole world. I wish I could do more.”

“I’m happy just to be around you,” the brunette moved back to the inside of Nicole's arms.

“I am, too. It’s probably selfish, to want you close to me as much as possible because you are so much more than I deserve, but that is what I want,” the redhead confessed.

“If it is, then I am also selfish because that is all I want, too,” Waverly whispered.

Nicole smiled. There was so much she wanted to say to Waverly, but she didn’t know how to put all those feelings into words.

“So, do you want to try out your new reading table?” It was the only thing Nicole managed to say.

“Most definitely,” Waverly walked behind her desk and chose some of her heaviest books to place it at the table. “Looks great. You built me a strong table.”

“I carried your bag for years, Waves. I know how heavy your books are.”

“Show-off,” Waverly grimed. “Alright, so tell me, any plans for tonight? A party maybe?”

“No,” Nicole replied confused. “Why?”

“It’s Halloween, silly.”

“Oh yeah. You’re right. I had completely forgotten that,” Nicole said. “But no, I’m not getting out tonight. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go to a party. At least not yet. I’ll just stay at home.”

“Well, trick or treat can be fun, too.”

“I don’t think that will happen either,” Nicole laughed humorlessly.

“Why is that?”

“I’m a junkie, Waves. Most parents don’t want their kids close to someone like me, so they don’t usually take their children to trick or treat at my house.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea,” Waverly sighed.

“Hey, this is not your fault, it’s mine,” Nicole held one of the brunette’s hands. “But I’m working on that.”

“And I am proud of you,” Waverly squeezed her hand. “What if I go to your place and we watch a movie tonight?”

“You know you don’t have to do that, right?" Nicole moved a lock of brown hair behind Waverly's ear. "If you want to go to a party, you should. Don’t hold yourself back because of me, Waves.”

“I’m not doing that,” Waverly stated. “I want to be with you, to spend time with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent sure.”

“In that case, we could order some take out and stay in.”

“That sounds amazing,” Waverly smiled so big that her eyes looked like the moon. “I’ll leave work around six today, I think.”

“Awesome. I’ll wait for you at my place. I’ll let you work now,” Nicole kissed Waverly on her head before she walked out of the room, leaving the brunette daydreaming.

* * *

Nicole got home from work around 5:30 p.m. and she jumped into a quick shower before Waverly arrived. The redhead worked nonstop all day so she could get home before her friend, giving her time to organize everything. When she finally looked around the living room, she was surprised that it wasn’t as disorganized as it was some other days Waverly had been to her place. With a few last touches, everything was in the right place. Before she even had time to sit a bit, she heard a knock on the door.

“Hi, Waves. Come on in,” Nicole looked suspiciously at the bag in Waverly's hands. “I thought we would order some take out.”

“Oh yeah, totally,” Waverly walked in easily, feeling completely at home. “I stopped at the grocery store to buy some candies, just in case.”

“Candies?”

“For trick or treat,” the brunette clarified.

“Just don’t get your hopes too high, ok?” Nicole couldn’t help but be amazed by the woman in front of her.

“What do you want to eat?” Waverly changed the subject.

“What about pizza?”

“Perfect,” the brunette agreed. “I know a place that makes a killer vegan pizza.”

“Great. Can you call them?” Nicole asked. “I’ll choose a movie for us while you do it.”

“Sure.”

Waverly had hung up the phone and in less than 5 minutes they heard someone knocking on the door.

“Did you order from the fastest restaurant on the planet?” Nicole looked at the woman sitting next to her. “What is it with that smile on your face?”

“Nothing,” Waverly bit her lips to stop her smile to grow even bigger. “Why don’t you answer the door?”

Nicole walked toward the door frowning suspiciously.

“Trick or treat!” Alice screamed as soon as she saw Nicole. The redhead couldn’t believe it. Not far behind the little girl, there was Wynonna.

“Hey, Alice. Wow, your costume looks amazing.”

“Thank you. I told my mom that if I was Captain Marvel I would get a lot of candies,” the little girl explained.

“Nice. Is it working? Did you get a lot of candies already?” Nicole asked her.

“Yes. I think I will have like a gazillion candies before I get home,” Alice opened her bag in front of the redhead to show her the inside of it. “Well then, trick or treat?”

“Oh…” Nicole straightened up.

“Here you go, pumpkin,” Waverly came to the rescue with the bag of candies she had brought earlier.

“Thank you, Auntie Waves,” Alice then turned to her mom and whispered something.

“Alright, kiddo,” Wynonna smiled at her daughter. “Haught, can Alice use your bathroom, please?”

“Of course,” Nicole said.

“I’ll take her,” Waverly offered her hand to her niece. “Come with me, Alice.”

“How are you doing, Nicole?” Wynonna asked when they were alone.

“I’m okay, I think. I’m trying to follow the steps Rosita and Chrissy designed for my plan.”

“Good. Just keep doing your best. I know you can win this.”

“Thank you for doing this,” Nicole almost smiled. “You know, bringing Alice here tonight.”

“I wish I could say it was me, but it was baby girl's idea. It was all Waverly,” Wynonna admitted. “She was very persistent about it.”

“That sounds like her,” Nicole chuckled.

“She said you wouldn’t spend any other sad Halloween, that she wouldn’t have it.”

“She is amazing. Either way, thank you for doing that.”

“Well, get ready for opening this door many times tonight,” Wynonna raised one finger. “Baby girl made me call all the parents in Alice’s class and tell them to stop by your place.”

“Waverly really is something else,” Nicole replied, and the two old friends fell into silence for a while.

“I’m ready, Mama,” Alice showed up running from inside.

“Alright, let’s go to our last stop before we go home,” Wynonna hugged the little girl.

“Auntie Willa.”

“That’s right.”

“Bye Nicole, bye Auntie Waves.”

“Bye, sweetheart. Have a good night.”

“See you at home, baby girl?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll text you,” Waverly rested her head in Nicole's arm.

“Okay. Bye for now. Good night, Haught.”

“Night. And Wynonna? Thank you for this,” Nicole genuinely said. Wynonna waved at them and walked away. The redhead closed the door and rested her back against it. She looked at Waverly and the brunette had a mischievous smile on her lips. “I guess you didn’t bring the candies _just in case_.”

“I’m a planner, you know that,” Waverly looked very proud of herself.

“Of course,” Nicole smiled showing her dimples. She approached the brunette and hugged her. “Thank you, Waves. I’ll never get tired of saying how extraordinary you are.”

“All I want is for you to be happy,” Waverly closed her eyes to enjoy the hug from the redhead.

“You make me happy,” Nicole confessed.

“Come on,” Waverly wanted to jump on her friend to kiss her, but she knew the redhead wasn’t ready for that yet. She decided to change her approach. “Let’s find some horror movie to watch. It’s Halloween after all.”

“You don’t even like horror movies,” Nicole objected.

“Yeah, but you can hold me if I get scared at some point,” Waverly teased the redhead.

They couldn't actually watch the movie at the moment they planed because it seemed like there was a kid knocking at the door every five minutes, demanding candies. Wynonna was not lying, she did call every parent from Alice's class. Almost all night went by between that and them eating the vegan pizza they ordered. After what they believed was the last kid of the night going away, they finally sat together on the couch. Waverly laid half of her body over Nicole and sighed happily. She wasn't really paying attention to the movie. The only thing the brunette could focus on was the warmth that was coming from the body under hers and the hand that was going up and down in her back.

"I bet you already regret asking that favor to Wynonna," Nicole joked.

"Not really. I enjoyed the night. Although I didn't cuddle with you as much as I planned. I know it's getting late, but I'm not ready to go back to the homestead yet," Waverly whispered the last part.

"I'm not ready for that, either," Nicole confessed. "Can I ask you one more thing, Waves? I know I already asked too much, but I have one last request."

"What is it?"

"Can you wait for me just a little bit longer? Just have a little more patience with me. I'll be a decent person again, I'm on my way there… I can feel it."

"You are a decent person, Nicole," the brunette joined their foreheads. "You are healing now, that's it. You are not bad because of this disease."

"I'll be worthy of your love. I won't stop fighting until I get there. But I feel like I'm not ready yet and I don't want to let you down again."

"We'll go at your pace, I promise," Waverly moved a little so she could look inside the heart eyes right in front of her. "I don't like it when you talk about yourself like that."

"I know, sorry," Nicole closed her eyes hard. "I promise that I'll try not to do that anymore."

"I think you are tired and you should go to bed," Waverly said. "It's been a long day."

"Will you stay?"

"If you want me to."

"I do. But only if you want, too," Nicole rushed out the last words.

"Of course I do, silly," Waverly giggled. "Come on, I want to fall asleep with you holding me."

They walked to the bedroom with Waverly guiding them, pulling the redhead by her hand. Nicole smiled when she realized their fingers fitted perfectly together.

_I want to build you a boat_

_One that's strong as you are free_

_So any time you think_

_That your heart is gonna sink_

_You know it won't_

_I want to build you a boat_

_Everything I need I get from you_

_Givin' back is all I wanna do_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of peace is everything we all need.  
> The table that Nicole built for Waverly is similar to [this](https://images-americanas.b2w.io/produtos/01/00/img/1509971/8/1509971803_1GG.jpg). Not quite the same, I couldn't find a picture of what I thought, but I think the one she did had longer legs (also, do you guys say legs or feet when talking about tables? I think we say feet in Brazil).
> 
> I hope you guys have a fun and **safe** Halloween. Please, keep taking care of yourselves in these crazy times we are living in. You are all so important.  
> Please, leave me so kudos and comments so I know how you are feeling about this story. See you next week!


	12. Same Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole puts down some demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you so much for all the support and love you send my way. You guys are amazing!
> 
> I know today can be hard for some of you, so I hope this update can bring a smile to your face.

**Chapter 12 –** **Same mistakes**

_So we play, play, play all the same old games_

_And we wait, wait, wait for the end to change_

_And we take, take, take it for granted that we'll be the same_

_But we're making all the same mistakes_

It was finally the end of a long and exhausting week. It was cold and Nicole felt like her fingers could fall off her hands at any second. She had worked outside all day and the snow didn’t help one bit. She quickly grabbed her backpack in the maintenance room and left the place silently. She didn’t want to risk meeting Carl somewhere at the GRU because he could always find something else to do.

She arrived home and shivered. The place was freezing cold. Even after she turned the heat on it felt cold in there. It was a Friday night and Nicole hated those days. She hated Fridays even more on cold days. Everything looked gray and sad, and she felt completely alone.

Looking around the living room, Nicole spotted a picture of Waverly and her that the brunette insisted on putting on a frame and placing it over the shelf. She wanted to spend the night with her, but she knew that the entire Earp family was going to Willa’s for dinner that night, so she couldn’t bother her friend. The redhead started to feel her anxiety grow. She knew that feeling all too well, it was like an old friend, always there for her. It was the desire for something that could make her feel numb, something that could help her forget her misery and her shitty life. She glanced again at the Waverly from the picture and lowered her eyes. The brunette would feel so disappointed if she knew Nicole was thinking about using something again.

Inside her pocket, Nicole felt the coin Wynonna had given her for her 30 days clean weighing a thousand pounds. She ran her fingers over the round surface and it was like her whole body was failing her. If she went after Jonas, he could easily give her something to calm down. However, the cost of it would be over a month of hard work and commitment.

Nicole sat alone, in the quiet of her house and wondered how long would it take her to admit that she couldn’t do this by herself. With a resigned sigh, she picked up her phone.

_“Hey, Haught.”_

“Hello, Wynonna. Can you talk for a moment?” Nicole bit one of her nails.

_“Yeah, what’s up?”_

“I am not bothering you, am I? I know you are going to Willa’s tonight.”

_“Not at all. I’m waiting for Alice to choose her outfit,”_ Wynonna said. _“What is going on?”_

“Is Waverly with you?”

_“No. She went to Willa’s straight from work. Why?”_

“Well… it… it isn’t a good day,” Nicole stuttered. “I don’t feel good. I think I’m going to break.”

_“Where are you?”_

“Home.”

_“Do you have any drugs or alcohol with you?”_ Wynonna worried.

“No.”

_“Alright. I’m on my way there, okay? I’ll just put some clothes on Alice and I’ll go to your place. It won’t take long, alright? I promise.”_

“I don’t want to take you out of your way,” Nicole said.

“ _You won’t. I’ll be there in a blink of an eye. Do you trust me?”_

“I do.”

_“Okay, so I promise I’m on my way. Just wait for me. Don’t leave your house. Can you do that for me?”_ Wynonna asked.

“I can,” Nicole felt a hint of hope in her heart.

_“Good. I’m going to you, Nicole. Just keep repeating your mantra, your motto.”_

“Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway,” the redhead said with her eyes closed.

_“That’s it. Keep repeating these words. I’m on my way,”_ Wynonna said and then hung up.

_“Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway,”_ Nicole started to repeat to herself alone, in the dark, while she waited for her friend to arrive.

* * *

With a loud pop, Waverly opened the bottle of wine she had bought for them. She poured two glasses and put one in front of Robert and another in front of Willa.

“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” Waverly asked while she poured one glass for herself.

“There is no need for that, kid,” Robert smiled while he chose the best carrots in the basket.

“Just sit back and relax for once,” Willa told her.

“Okay then,” Waverly said without ever taking her eyes from the red liquid inside the glass.

“Alright, kid. Say it,” Willa grimed. “Whatever it is going on in this brilliant brain of yours.”

“I’m just thinking about how some things can be so light and petty for some people, but life-changing for others.”

“Is this about your girlfriend?” Willa asked and Robert stopped chopping the vegetables.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Waverly explained to him.

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it,” the oldest Earp told her husband.

“Oh, I thought I hadn’t been updated on the situation,” he said. “How is she doing with her recovery?”

“She is doing great,” Waverly replied, proud of her friend. “She’s every day closer to her 60 days clean.”

“That is really good, Waves. Nonna told me she is getting stronger and back to her normal self,” Willa add.

“Wynonna is helping her a lot.”

“I never thought your sister would work with this,” Robert confessed. “But now that I think harder, helping people is the only thing that Wynonna could do in her life.”

“She’s a hero,” Waverly stated.

“A very _late_ hero,” Willa teased.

“I think she heard you,’ Robert signed out the window to the truck that parked in front of their house.

“I’ll open it,” Willa stood up.

“Evening everyone,” Dolls walked inside the kitchen with Alice by his hand.

“Hey, where is Wynonna?” Waverly noticed that her sister was not following them.

“She had to make a quick stop,” Dolls explained. “But she’ll be here in no time.”

“Where did she go?”

“She went to see Nicole,” Alice said while she climbed up the chair.

“What? Dolls… Why?” Waverly worried.

“I don’t really know, Waverly. But Wynonna will explain everything when she gets here,” he replied.

“I think I’ll go there and check on them,” Waverly looked around trying to find her purse.

“I don’t think you should do that, kid,” Willa rested one hand on her sister’s shoulder.

“Why not?”

“I have a feeling that she’s not there as Nicole's friend, but as her sponsor,” Willa sighed. “Am I right, Dolls?”

“You are. I believe Nicole was in some kind of crisis. But she did exactly what Wynonna told her to do, so I think everything will be just fine.”

“Are you sure?” Waverly felt like her throat was closing.

“Definitely,” Dolls eased her. “If Wynonna needs us, she will call. She always does. Don’t doubt it.”

* * *

Once Dolls stopped in front of Nicole's house, Wynonna jumped off the car and almost ran to her friend. They agreed that she could go by herself to Willa’s, so they wouldn’t expose Alice to whatever was happening to Nicole. Wynonna didn’t waste any time knocking, she just turned the door handle and got in. She looked around, and although she couldn’t see her friend, she could hear her pacing inside the house.

“Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway,” Nicole continued to whisper.

“Nicole, I’m here,” Wynonna announced.

“Okay, okay,” the redhead sighed relieved. “Hey, Wynonna.”

“Let’s sit down a little bit, shall we?”

“Yeah.”

“You did well in calling me,” Wynonna encouraged her. “It was the right thing to do.”

“I almost didn’t. I wanted to call Jonas,” Nicole confessed. “I wanted to go to Pussy Willows. I still want to do that.”

“It’s okay to feel like that. It’s normal. Don’t beat yourself because of that,” Wynonna said. “Did something triggered you?”

“It’s been a long week and I am tired.”

“Alright. I’m sorry I didn’t attend the last meeting. I had to deliver some documents to the accountant this morning and I spend hours on that yesterday.”

“I understand. You are the boss, and there are more important things for you to do than go to meetings that you don’t need.”

“I’m your sponsor and I want to be on the meetings with you,” Wynonna said. “But yeah, not always I’ll make it. However, I trust my team there to be by your side, too. I know you had a personal meeting with Rosita and Chrissy after the group session. How did that go?”

“They make me feel very comfortable,” Nicole nodded. “Chrissy thinks that I am ready to make my personal inventory. You know… the list of the worst crap that I did and the people I hurt, so maybe they can forgive me.”

“I know. Is that making you nervous?”

“I don’t know where to start,” Nicole admitted.

“Don’t rush yourself, alright? I agree with Chrissy, you are ready for this, but don’t push too hard. It’s not like this is homework.”

“It’s definitely homework,” Nicole chuckled.

“Well, yeah, but you don’t have a deadline for it,” Wynonna bumped Nicole on her shoulder.

“Fine, fine.”

“I’ll tell you something: what if you and I make that list together? We sit together and talk about it. We choose just one thing for a day so it doesn’t get too heavy. You can even invite Waverly for that if you want.”

“Would that be okay with you?”

“Of course, Nicole. That is something that I want you to understand since the start: you don’t have to fight alone. I’m with you all the way. So is Waverly.”

“In that case, I think I’ll like that,” the redhead felt relieved.

“Good. So you’ll only start to think about your inventory when we are together,” Wynonna stated. “If at some point you feel like you don’t want us to be with you when you do it, then we’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you, Wynonna.”

“No need to thank me. I’m glad you decided to call me and not Jonas,” Wynonna said.

“It was probably good I didn’t call him,” Nicole huffed a laugh. “I still owe him some money.”

“Is that much?” Wynonna asked.

“No. I just don’t look forward to seeing him again,” Nicole explained. “I know he’ll try to sell me something.”

“Well, whenever you plan on going to see him, I’ll go with you,” Wynonna decided.

“I think that is a lot more than a sponsor’s duty,” Nicole frowned.

“I am your sponsor, but I’m also your friend,” Wynonna stared at the redhead. Nicole seemed out of words.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. I really do, Wynonna,” she managed to say. They were silent for a while and Nicole felt grateful to be able to enjoy some moments like that with her friend once again. She no longer felt that weight inside her chest. “I don’t want to keep you from dinner with your family, and I know you are pretty late now.”

“Don’t worry about that. Are you going to be okay alone tonight?” Wynonna asked.

“I think I will. I feel better now.”

“Look, if you want, I can stay here and we can make something to eat,” Wynonna suggested. “However, I want you to be able to be just by yourself. You can’t count on other people by your side all the time. Learning to enjoy your own company can be powerful.”

“I get it. I want to do that. I’ll be fine,” Nicole said determinedly.

“That’s the spirit, Haught. I missed this attitude,” Wynonna told her.

“Thank you for coming to see me.”

“Always. I’ll go now. Baby girl must be shooting thousands of questions at Dolls,” Wynonna walked toward the door. “What do I tell her?”

“The truth,” Nicole buried her hands in her pockets. “I know it took me some time, but only the truth from now on.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, Hottie Haught,” Wynonna said, the same way she used to when they were teenagers.

“I’ll see you first, Earp,” Nicole returned with a big smile on her face.

* * *

The next morning, Nicole felt something that she hadn’t for a while. She felt brave. It was time to put down some demons and never look back. She went through her morning routine and then drove to PeaceMaker.

“Morning, Chrissy,” Nicole said as she walked through the door.

“Hi, Nicole. Good to see you. Did you come to the meeting?”

“Yes. Well, that and to see Wynonna. Is she here?”

“In her office,” Chrissy said.

“Thanks,” the redhead went to her friend’s room. “Hey, Wynonna.”

“Nicole… I didn’t expect to see you today. How was the rest of your night?”

“It was good. I came here to see if you are busy this morning.”

“I’ll attend the meeting, but I’m free after that,” Wynonna replied. “Why?”

“I want to look for Jonas and pay for the drugs I bought from him. I’d like to know if you could come with me.”

“Of course,” Wynonna agreed. “As long as you are ready for that.”

“I am. I think it’s time,” Nicole said.

“Cool. So, let’s go to the meeting and later we go find Jonas.”

The meeting that morning didn’t take long to end. Not many people went there on Saturday mornings. Right after that, the two women got in Nicole's car and went to find Jonas. The redhead let go of all of the air from inside her lungs when she shut off the engine in front of Pussy Willows.

“It’s going to be ok,” Wynonna assured her.

“Yeah. I need to close this door of my life.”

“Are you sure Jonas is here already?”

“Yes. He’s here all the time,” Nicole said.

They crossed the front door that was always open just to find Jonas eating something that looked like a sausage.

“Look who the wind brings to me this fine morning,” he said. “Haught and Earp together, that’s something I didn’t expect to see today.”

“Believe me, Jonas. It’s _not_ a pleasure to see you,” Wynonna faked a smile.

“Well, what can I do for you today? I haven’t seen you in a while and you still owe me money,” he told the redhead.

“That’s the only reason why we are here. I have the money I owe you,” Nicole took several bills from her pocket and handed him. “There you go.”

“Always a pleasure to do business with you,” he grabbed the money and brought it closer to his nose. “I look forward to our next arrangement.”

“It’s not gonna happen,” Nicole said. “I’m clean now.”

“Let’s see how long that’d gonna stick,” he chuckled but it sounded like he was choking. “I’ll be here when you decide you wanna have some fun.”

“Listen to me, you dickhead,” Wynonna stepped in front of her friend. “You leave her alone. Don’t look for Nicole, don’t contact her, if you see her on the street, you cross to the other side. I can make your life a living hell, don’t test me.”

“Earp, your friend here is a small fish. Really, really small. Tiny like this,” he put his index finger and his thumb close together. “What do I care about this piece of trash? I have more important customers to please than her.”

“Well, did she give you all she owed you?” Wynonna asked and Jonas just nodded. “Good. We are out then.”

“I’ll see you around, Haught,” he laughed.

“Not in this life,” Nicole replied.

“Don’t listen to him,” Wynonna said as soon as they were alone in the car. “You are nothing of the things Jonas said. He’s just a son of a bitch with a big mouth.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean it. You are a good person, you are brave, and you are a hell of a fighter.”

“Thanks, Wynonna. And thank you for coming here with me,” Nicole grimed.

“Of course,” Wynonna said. “So, plans for today?”

“Not many. I think I’ll go home and see if I find something on TV.”

“Or you could take me to the Homestead and have lunch with us today,” Wynonna offered. “Baby girl was worried about you yesterday. She would like to see your face.”

“Me at the Homestead? Are you sure?” Nicole was suddenly nervous.

“Yeah, I am. You were always welcome at my house. I just didn’t want Alice to see you when you like _that_.”

“I understand it now. I’m sorry I gave you a hard time before,” the redhead apologized.

“Don’t worry about that anymore,” Wynonna eased her. “What do you say? Lunch at the Homestead? Waverly is cooking, but we always have some pizza in the fridge in case things go terribly wrong.”

“You are the one to talk,” Nicole turned on the car and started to drive to a road she hadn’t taken in a long time. “No one can eat what you cook, Wynonna.”

“You guys don’t have an open mind for food. It’s not my fault you all like the same boring stuff that has been made for decades,” Wynonna said while turning on the radio.

They sang all the way just like they used to do so many years ago, screaming and laughing. When they arrived, Wynonna told Nicole to wait in the living room.

“Hey, baby girl. Leave it to me to finish lunch,” Wynonna met her sister in the kitchen. “There’s something for you in the living room.”

“For me?” Waverly suspected something was out of place and couldn’t believe her eyes. “Nicole?”

“Hello, pretty girl,” the redhead opened her arms so Waverly would hug her.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wynonna invited me to have lunch with you.”

“What? She didn’t tell me anything,” Waverly looked panicked.

“We just decided that,” Nicole was a little nervous with the brunette’s reaction. “I hope that’s alright with you.”

“Of course it is,” Waverly rushed. “It’s just that I put pickles on the salad.”

“I would eat pickles every day for the rest of my life if that meant that I could have lunch with you,” Nicole said.

“Smooth talker,” Waverly pushed the redhead playfully.

“Only with you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I was worried about you yesterday.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It was a hard day.”

“But you didn’t…” Waverly wandered off.

“No, no, I didn’t,” Nicole showed her sobriety coin proudly.

“You can call me too, you know? When you are having a bad day.”

“I don’t want to let you down.”

“You won’t. I just want to be by your side when you need someone, just like I know you wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever it was necessary to help me.”

“You are right. I would do anything for you,” Nicole stated.

“I want to be that person for you, too,” Waverly held the redhead’s hand.

“In that case, I could use your help with an assignment Rosita and Chrissy gave me. It’s almost like homework,” Nicole said.

“Oh, I love homework,” Waverly clapped her hands excited.

“Don’t I know it?” The redhead giggled.

“Hey, you two love birds, food is ready,” Wynonna showed just her head in the living room. “Alice, come down, lunch is ready!”

“Come on. You don’t have to eat the salad,” Waverly told Nicole.

“You are the best, Waves.”

When they sat around the table, Nicole noticed that Waverly put their chairs impossibly close. She knew she would never want anything different than that.

_Yeah that's what crazy is_

_When it's broken, you say there's nothing to fix_

_And you pray, pray, pray that everything will be okay_

_While you're making all the same mistakes_

_Don't look back_

_But if we don't look back_

_We're only learning then_

_How to make all the same, same mistakes again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Keep the kudos and comments coming, so I know you guys still want this.
> 
> Take care of yourself and your loved ones in these crazy times we are living in!


	13. Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole takes a few steps forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> You guys blow my mind with all the kindness you send my way. Thank you so much!  
> I hope you like this chapter... See you at the bottom of this page!

**Chapter 13 – Little things**

_Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me_

_But bear this mind, it was meant to be_

_And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks_

_And it all makes sense to me_

Not even working late annoyed Nicole that day. She was positively happy. She was feeling stronger than she ever felt in a long time. She couldn’t even remember when was the last day her knee bothered her. It was like she was finally in charge of her life.

Walking around the campus, Nicole spotted a face she hasn’t seen in a while.

“Mercedes Gardner. Nice to see you around.”

“Hello, Nicole. You look good.”

“So do you.”

“I’m getting hotter every year that goes by, aren’t I?”

“Definitely,” Nicole replied chuckling. “What are you doing here at GRU?”

“I am an investor at the university, so I decided to come over to check if my money is being well spent,” Mercedes said. “But look at you, Haught. You seem strong and trim.”

“Well, yeah, I feel better than ever. I’m clean now,” Nicole felt full of pride.

“No way. That bitch was right, after all, you did pay off. I guess my money _is_ being well spent in the end,” Mercedes huffed surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” Mercedes sounded like she was caught doing something wrong. “I should go now. I still have too many things to do. Nice to see you, Haught.”

Nicole didn’t even have time to ask anything else and Mercedes was out of sight. That was when something clicked in Nicole. She was putting together the pieces of the puzzle. She didn’t want to bite off more than she could chew. She had to be sure. Walking back to the administration building, Nicole felt her heart beating hard on her chest.

“Excuse me, Ms. Lucado. Can I have a word?”

“Don’t tell there is some problem, Haught. I’m leaving for today, you should be leaving for today,” the woman complained.

“I just have a quick question.”

“What is it?”

“Some time ago, you told me that someone asked you to keep me here,” Nicole said. “What did you mean? Who asked you that?”

“I think you are smart enough to discover the answer to that by yourself.”

“It was Mercedes Gardner, wasn’t she? She is an investor of the GRU.”

“She is,” Lucado simply said.

“But why would she ask you to give me a job?”

“She never told me that. Your guess is as good as mine, but if I have to say something about it, I’d say she wasn’t the head behind the idea,” Lucado said. “You know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I do. And I’d like to apologize to you,” Nicole admitted. “I know that I gave you a hard time for so long, and you were always patient. I understand I was never the best employee here.”

“As you already know, I couldn’t fire you,” Lucado smirked at her.

“Still you keep up with me on my worst days. It means a lot to me that you gave me a chance.”

“You were not bad all the time, Haught. On the days you are clean, you are hardworking and I know you have this entire university in your hands.”

“I’m clean for good now, I don’t plan on getting back to the life that I used to have,” Nicole told her boss. “So thank you for making an effort for me.”

“You’re welcome. I hope everything goes well for you. Truly. You are a good person. Now, get out of here, Nicole. I just want to see you again on Monday.”

Nicole nodded and walked out of the office, knowing exactly where she had to be. PeaceMaker.

Going inside the center, she didn’t stop at the front desk and headed straight to Wynonna’s office. Nicole knocked on the door and waited for permission to get in.

“Hey, Nicole. What are you doing here?” Wynonna instantly worried when she saw the look on her friend's face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“It was you all along. And I never knew. I never suspected.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My job at the GRU. You asked Mercedes to intercede for me with Lucado, didn’t you?” Nicole's voice was husky and she clenched her jaw.

“Yes, I did. You needed money and a job, that was the only idea I could come up with,” Wynonna finally admitted. She almost took a step back because Nicole was going her way at a high speed, but she was surprised when long arms involved her in a tight hug.

“Thank you, Wynonna,” Nicole sniffed. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do much. I just had a small talk with Mercedes,” Wynonna reciprocated the hug.

“Of course you did,” the redhead moved away from her friend a little. “I was one step away from losing myself completely, and for good. This job was the only thing that kept me grounded for a while. You saved my life.”

“I’m glad you are still around and kicking.”

“What else did you do? And please, tell me. I need to know the other things you did for me.”

“I… well, I used to take you home after you had a bad day,” Wynonna confessed.

“When I was high and passed out on the street?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want you to wake up alone like that. I knew you would feel embarrassed.”

“PeaceMaker?” Nicole moved her arms around to show the room.

“I always wanted to do something to help other people, but I didn’t know what. You just gave me the idea.”

“Fuck. There is no way I can thank you enough.”

“Just keep working like you have been doing,” Wynonna said.

“You and Waverly have been helping me to make my inventory, but I didn’t put some names there on purpose,” Nicole said.

“Who?”

“You, Wynonna. You are the person I hurt the most all these years.”

“Nicole…”

“Don’t. I know what you’ll say, that _it’s alright_ , that _it’s behind us_ , that _there’s no need for any of that_. Bullshit. I have been horrible to you not only with my actions but also with my words. I said things to you that are unforgivable. I put your family at risk and I’m glad that my behavior didn’t cause permanent damage to your life, but I can’t imagine how much I must have hurt you. I want you to know that I am really sorry about all the hurt that I put you through.”

“I know, Nicole.”

“I don’t know if I deserve it, but I want to ask for your forgiveness. Can you forgive me for being the worst friend you could have? Can you forgive me for insulting you the way I did? If I made a list of the times I failed you, it would be longer than the road to the Homestead. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” Nicole bagged.

“Of course I forgive you, Nicole. Those days are gone.”

“Do you think we could try and be friends again? I’d really like to be close to you again, for you to like me again.”

“Come here, you big idiot,” this time it was Wynonna who hugged the redhead. “I never stopped thinking about you as my friend. I never stopped liking you, Nicole. And I am sorry, too. I probably didn’t make it easier for you either.”

“No, you were great. You were trying to help me. It took me so long, but I can see it now, I can see that you were always there for me. I’m thankful for that,” Nicole tried to dry her tears with the back of her hand.

“We are good, Nicole. You and I. And we can be as friends as we always were. Nothing changed. So please, stop crying. It’s ruining your pretty face.”

“Oh, you think my face is pretty? Sorry, Nonna, but you are not my type,” the redhead teased.

“ _Not your type_? Really? I remember you used to say my ass was top-shelf,” Wynonna replied.

“I was drunk when I said that,” Nicole waved off.

“Waverly still hates when I talk to her about it,” Wynonna chuckled. “She always had eyes just for you. You both did, I guess.”

“She is the best person in this world.”

“That she is,” Wynonna agreed. “She deserves to hear that from you.”

“Do you think I’m worthy of her?”

“You have got to stop doubting yourself, Nicole. You were always the one she loved. You will always be. She still daydreams about you, just like she did when we were in high school.”

“Is she at home now?” Nicole asked.

“Yeah, she’s watching Alice for me,” Wynonna told her.

“Is it alright if I go there to talk to her?”

“Of course, Nicole. You are always welcome to my home, even when I’m not there,” Wynonna squeezed her friend’s hand.

“I’ll stop by then,” Nicole said. “There are some things that I have to say to Waverly.”

“ _Say_ … right, that’s how the kids talk about it these days, eh? Well, you do you.”

“Wynonna!”

“I’m messing with you, don’t worry. Go to the homestead and surprise my baby sister."

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Earp,” Nicole said.

“I’ll see you first, Haught-trot.”

* * *

_(2005)_

_Nicole balanced her backpack over her shoulder and she was completely worn-out. It had been half an hour since the end of the game and the redhead was proud of herself. Their team had won the game, thanks to the two goals she scored. They were now going to the final game in a few weeks, which was going to be huge. The redhead walked all around school until she finally found who she was looking for. Waverly. She was alone, sitting at the steps in front of the building._

_“Waves! I was looking for you.”_

_“Hi, Nicole. Congratulations on the win today! You were great.”_

_“Thanks. What are you doing here? Where is Wynonna?”_

_“Pete invited her to go somewhere and she left me behind, can you believe it?” Waverly was outraged. “What about you?”_

_“I wanted to know if you’d like to go out for a milkshake with fries,” Nicole sat next to the brunette._

_“Shouldn’t you be celebrating with the team?”_

_“I don’t want to be with them. I want to celebrate with you.”_

_“Me? Why?”_

_“Because you are my favorite person in this world, pretty girl,” Nicole said._

_“I think that would be Wynonna,” Waverly nervously chuckled._

_“Nah, I just let Wynonna think that,” Nicole joked. “And I’ll be off to college in a few months, so I’d like to hang out with you as much as possible. Unless you’re too tired of me.”_

_“That will never, ever happen. I will always want to be around you,” Waverly rushed to say._

_“So… milkshake and fries?”_

_“Yeah, let’s go.”_

Nicole shook off the memory as soon as she arrived at the Homestead. She smiled when she saw Waverly sitting at the steps on the front porch. She had a book in her hands and next to her, a cup of what Nicole guessed was tea.

“Nicole! Hey.”

“Hi, pretty girl.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, all good,” Nicole sighed and sat next to her. “I had a really good day and I wanted to share it with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I realized that I want to share all my good days with you, Waves. I know that I have been kind of a weigh on you lately,” Nicole said. “I am sorry that I lied to you before and it took me so long to tell you the truth about my baggage, but I promise it will never happen again. I won’t be a burden for you anymore.”

“You were never a burden, Nicole. Never,” Waverly stated firmly. “Please, don’t think about yourself like this.”

“Can you forgive me Waves? For hurting you and making you worry so much.”

“Of course, Nicole. I understand why you did it, and I trust you completely. Don’t doubt it.”

“I don’t know if I tell you this as much as I should, but you are extraordinary. For years, I have been looking for ways that would make me feel numb because it was all too much. But whenever I am with you, that’s not what I want, it’s not how I feel. And that doesn’t mean I just want to rely on you, but you inspire me so much. You are so important to me. When I lay eyes on you, it’s like I’m flying, like I am exploding with happiness and love. You are a ray of sun, Waverly. You are all I can think about and I don’t want to get you out of my mind, I just…”

Nicole couldn’t continue because there were some lips over hers. Waverly's lips. Soft, sweet, warm lips. She surrendered the second she felt small hands holding her red hair. Their mouths were not moving much, but Nicole was sure that whatever she thought happiness felt like, it couldn’t compare to Waverly Earp kissing her. She doubted anything in the world could overcome that. When the brunette broke the kiss, moving her head away, Nicole went forward, wishing she could still have those lips on her, she wasn’t ready to let go yet.

She opened her eyes and notice that Waverly was staring at her with so much hope. Nicole's lips turned into a smile and the brunette joined her with a giggle, touching the dimples on her cheeks.

“Nicole… Are you…”

“I never allowed myself to think about it, about you, because I know I’m not enough, no one will ever be good enough for you, Waverly Earp, but screw it,” Nicole was out of breath. “I was never selfish when it came to you, but I’ll be now. I want you, Waverly. I want us, and if there is a chance that you still want me even a tiny bit I’ll fight for it. I’ll be better and stronger than ever. I’ll be anything you want me to be if…”

Once again, Waverly's lips were on hers, shutting her. This time, though, they were hungry and messy. They were fast and claiming for her. Waverly made a delicious noise when Nicole threw an arm around her, joining their bodies closer. The redhead was not able to think about anything that wasn’t the heat inside of her, it was almost like her brain was short-circuiting.

They were breathless when they parted again, but this time, Nicole didn’t want to open her eyes. If it was all a dream, she wanted to live in it forever.

“I just want you,” Waverly whispered when she joined their foreheads. “Exactly the way you are.”

“Will you go on a date with me?” Nicole talked so fast that her lungs almost burned inside of her.

“A date?” Waverly said amazed like she couldn’t believe it was happening. She started giving lots of small kisses all over Nicole's face. “Yes, yes, I’d love to.”

“When is a good day?”

“Sunday?”

“Perfect,” Nicole moved closer to one more kiss. “Your lips are so soft and sweet.”

“So don’t ever stop kissing them,” Waverly teased.

“Oh, I don’t plan on making such a mistake, Miss Earp.”

“Is it _Miss Earp_ now? I think I like it,” Waverly giggled.

“I aim to please,” Nicole smirked.

“Auntie Waverly, where are you?” Alice screamed from inside.

“Over here on the porch, pumpkin.”

“She really is Wynonna’s daughter,” the redhead said and it earned her a pinch from Waverly.

“Hi, Nicole.”

“Hello, Alice. How are you today?”

“I am nuts. I need help with my history homework, Aunt Waverly.”

“Go inside and I’ll be there in a second to help you, sweetheart.”

“Alright,” the little girl sounded defeated. “Bye, Nicole.”

“Bye, Alice. Good luck,” the redhead said when the girl crossed the door. “I guess I should leave you to go there and save her life.”

“I don’t want you to go,” Waverly threw herself over Nicole in a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again in no time. Besides, I have to prepare everything for our date, I want it to be perfect,” Nicole kissed the woman in her head.

“It will be perfect no matter what we do,” Waverly pecked the redhead on the lips. “Call me later? I want to hear your voice before I go to sleep.”

“Of course,” Nicole leaned for one more kiss. She was sure she was already addicted to those lips. “I’ll talk to you later, pretty girl.”

When she approached her car, she couldn’t help but look back and smile at the woman on the porch. Waverly hadn’t moved yet and Nicole felt like she was flying above the clouds. She had to plan the perfect date.

_You never love yourself half as much as I love you_

_And you'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to_

_If I let you know, I'm here for you_

_Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you_

_And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth_

_'Cause it's you, oh, it's you, it's you they add up to_

_And I'm in love with you and all these little things_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F* finally, am I right? So, we'll have a date next chapter, what about that??  
> Thank you for all the support you give to me, keep the kudos and comments coming, so I'll know if you are still interested in this! Have a nice end of the week, everybody!


	14. Night Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nervousness of a first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> You guys gave me more than 500 kudos already? That is amazing! Thank you so much for all the kindness you always have with me.  
> I hope you enjoy wayhaught first date. This chapter is basically fluff!

**Chapter 14 – Night changes**

_Driving too fast  
Moon is breaking through her hair  
She said it was something that she won't forget  
Having no regrets is all that she really wants_

_Chasing it tonight  
Doubts are running 'round her head  
He's waiting, hides behind a cigarette  
Heart is beating loud and she doesn't want it to stop_

No one could say that Nicole was nervous. Of course not. Yes, her hands were unsteady and cold. And yes, her legs were shaking and she could hear her heart beating loud in her chest. But that was normal, right? She didn’t have anything to worry about. She was only going on a date with the most amazing woman to ever walk on Earth. Not a big deal.

She groaned loudly and checked herself on the rearview mirror one last time. Nicole grabbed the flowers that were on the passenger seat and went out of the car. She took a deep breath one more time trying to put together all her courage and knocked on the door.

“Well, well, well,” Wynonna said. “You cleaned up nice, Haught.”

“Hello, Wynonna.”

“Oh, you brought me flowers, thanks.”

“They are not for you,” Nicole frowned. “Obviously.”

“Come in,” Wynonna moved away. “I think it’s finally time for me to give you the shovel talk.”

“Alright,” Nicole braced herself for what was about to come.

“You look nervous. Why is that?”

“Wynonna, give her a break,” Dolls said from the living room.

“Oh, come on. I’m just messing with her,” Wynonna dismissed her. “You’re fine, Nicole, don’t worry. Unless you hurt my baby girl. We’ll have a different talk if that happens.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Nicole said.

“Wynonna…” Dolls tried again.

“Alright, alright. You win, you narc. I’ll go get Waverly.”

“Would you like to sit, Nicole?” Dolls asked once Wynonna was not in the room anymore.

“Thanks,” the redhead found a spot on the couch. “Free Sunday?”

“Yeah, finally. Purgatory can be messy,” he said.

“I can imagine. And I’m sure that for a while I only add shit to the pile. I am sorry,” Nicole said, and when the man didn’t reply she continued. “I know that made it hard for you and that you probably put your job at risk just by helping me. I guess what I’m trying to say, besides apologizing, is that I am thankful for everything you did and that I will never forget it.”

“Wynonna cares about you, so I can’t say that the things I did were entirely for you. Most of them were for her,” Dolls said and Nicole noticed that he wasn’t being harsh, just honest.

“I still appreciate the help and apologize for the trouble I caused. You are a good man, Dolls. Thank you for making my friend happy,” the redhead said. Before the man could say anything else, they heard noises coming from the hallway. Nicole looked up and saw Waverly smiling at her. The brunette looked stunning, with tight jeans and a cozy sweater.

“Hi,” Waverly said barely above a whisper. She waited for Nicole to say something, but the redhead didn’t seem to remember how to use words. The brunette noticed the flowers and her smile spread even wider. “Are those for me?”

“Oh, yes, yes,” Nicole stuttered. “They are for you.”

“Thank you, they are beautiful. I’ll put them in the water and I’ll be back in a second,” Waverly headed to the kitchen.

“You look like a teenager in love for the first time,” Wynonna mocked. “Close your mouth, Haught. You are drooling.”

“Shut up, Wynonna,” Nicole straighten up.

“I’m ready,” Waverly came back to the living room.

“Ok, Haught. Curfew before midnight and don’t forget the things I told you before. I know how to hide a body,” Wynonna tried to look serious.

“Oh my goodness, Wynonna. Stop it,” Waverly blushed. “I'm old enough to take care of myself so don’t start it. No shovel talk and don’t embarrass me.”

“You guys are no fun,” Wynonna complained.

“Let’s go,” Waverly pulled the redhead by her arm. They walked toward the car and Nicole opened the door for the brunette. “Thank you.” She watched the redhead jog to the other side of the car. When she got in, she couldn’t take her eyes from Waverly.

“You look beautiful, Waves. Breathtaking,” she huffed.

“You are pretty, too,” Waverly felt her mouth dry. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m just really nervous,” Nicole admitted.

“I’m not sure if it helps, but I’m nervous, too.”

“Why? Are you afraid that I’m going to screw this up, too?”

“What? No. Are you afraid of that?”

“Well, yes,” Nicole said. “What if you don’t like what I prepared for us today?”

“Hey, don’t worry about that. I know that whatever it is, I’ll like it.”

“What is making _you_ nervous?” Nicole asked.

“I… I’ve been thinking about this day for as long as I can remember, and I feel like after today you’ll realize that you don’t actually want me and I’ll end up losing you,” Waverly opened up.

“That won’t happen,” Nicole reassured the woman. “I know the feelings I have for you are real and they will still be here when I bring you back home later today, pretty girl. Part of what makes me nervous is that I desperately want you to like me.”

“I already do,” Waverly touched the other woman’s face. “I like you so much.”

Nicole touched the hand on her face and got closer to Waverly. She closed her eyes and allowed her lips to brush on the ones in front of her on a light kiss. Nicole leaned back a little just to go back and spread a few noisy kisses all over Waverly's face, making the brunette giggle happily.

“I think we should go now,” Nicole couldn’t take her eyes from the other woman.

“Where to?” Waverly asked.

“You’ll have to wait a little. It’s a surprise.”

“Go on then. I can’t wait to see what you prepared for us,” Waverly moved to fasten her seatbelt, and then she positioned one hand on Nicole's tight, without any intention to move it from there.

Waverly wanted to ask Nicole at least three times during their journey where their destination was, but she contained herself. She knew the woman wanted to make a surprise and she didn’t want to start their date by ruining it.

Once Nicole parked, she ran to the other side to open the door for Waverly.

“Is this going to be a thing with you?” The brunette asked. “Opening the door for me every time we go out.”

“Only as long as you want it. I won't do it anymore if you prefer,” Nicole said.

“I like it,” Waverly stood at the tip of her toes and kissed the redhead on the cheek.

“Wait for a second,” Nicole opened the trunk of the car and pulled out a backpack and big basket.

“What is this place?” Waverly looked around to what seemed to be many small cabins. “I’ve never been here before.”

“These cabins belong to Mercedes. I think she opened them a year ago. She knows people can’t hang out a lot when it starts to get cold, so she projected them for people to use during the day. There is no bed inside, so people don’t usually stay for the night,” Nicole told her. “I wanted us to have a picnic, but I didn’t want you to freeze. I know you don’t really like winter, so I rented a cabin for us for the day.”

“This is lovely,” Waverly smiled.

“Come on, ours is number 04,” Nicole offered one hand for the brunette to take it. When they got inside, Waverly was astonished at how cozy it was. There was even a fireplace with some log, ready to set the fire.

“This place is so clean,” the brunette voiced her surprise.

“Waverly Earp, did you think I would take you to a filthy place for our first date?”

“What? No, no, no. That’s not what I wanted to say,” Waverly replied nervously.

“I’m messing with you,” Nicole giggled. She put the basket over the table in the middle of the room and pulled a tablecloth from the backpack. She arranged everything and started to get worried because Waverly was just looking at her, without saying anything. “What do you think?”

“It looks very nice. What do you have in the basket?”

“Food. Would you like me to set the fire first?”

“Yes, please,” Waverly couldn’t stop staring. Nicole moved easily around the room, but the brunette noticed she was anxious. Once she believed the fire was good enough, Waverly put a hand on Nicole's shoulder. “It is perfect, sweetie. Come sit with me.”

They sat in front of the fire and Waverly wasted no time sitting with her back pressed against Nicole's chest. The redhead threw her arms around the woman to hold her tight and she closed her eyes pleased.

“Your heart is beating loud,” Waverly rubbed her nose up and down Nicole's neck, trying to take in as much vanilla scent as she could.

“I’m still nervous,” Nicole tried to sound casual but she wasn’t successful.

“Let me try something to see if it helps,” Waverly said and before Nicole understood what was happening, the brunette was kissing her. It was a soft but firm kiss. Waverly didn’t waste any time to press her tongue against the redhead’s lips. Nicole opened her mouth even more, eager to give Waverly everything she desired. Waverly moved her lips slowly and grabbed a lock of red hair pulling Nicole even closer. They were both giving, and taking, and trying to put all the feelings they had for each other in the kiss. Nicole didn’t want to break the kiss, but her lungs were stronger than her. Their lips were not touching anymore, but the redhead didn’t have it in her to move away from Waverly. They both felt breathless and Nicole heard a giggle coming from the woman in front of her.

“Did it help?” Waverly asked.

“I’m sure you are an angel because your lips can operate miracles,” Nicole whispered.

“Oh, no. You did _not_ say that,” Waverly chuckled. “That was so cheesy.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. But it made you laugh, so I think it was worth it,” Nicole gave a quick peck on the brunette on the lips. “Are you hungry?”

“I am, but we can have some food first if you prefer,” Waverly smiled playfully.

“Well, who is being cheesy now?”

“Come on, let’s see what you prepared for us,” Waverly opened the basket and started the take out the food. She couldn’t believe her eyes. There were at least three different kinds of sandwiches, tacos, toasts, bruschetta, jelly, cake, pie, cookies, and fresh fruit. “How many people did you invite for this date?”

“What? No one else, of course. Why?” Nicole replied alarmed.

“There is so much food.”

“Well, I panicked. I didn’t know what you would like, so instead of choosing just one thing, I cooked a bit of everything I thought you might enjoy,” and that earned another smile from the brunette.

“Nicole…” Waverly felt her lips twist in a weird face and a knot inside her chest. She grabbed the bottle with both of her hands as if it would break with just one touch. It was red wine. “What is this?”

“It’s for you, not for me. I promise,” Nicole said, never taking her eyes from the brunette.

“Why would you bring alcohol for our date?” Waverly was surprised that her voice didn’t fail her.

“Just because I can’t control myself it doesn’t mean you can’t have it,” Nicole answered. “I know you like wine. I just wanted to give you the best.”

“Is this the only bottle you bought?”

“Yes, the only one. I didn’t drink anything, Waves. I swear. Please, believe me.”

“I do, Nicole. I trust you,” Waverly felt relief flooding her. She caressed Nicole on her cheek and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “What are you having then?”

“Orange juice or ice tea,” Nicole showed the drinks inside of the basket.

“Well,” Waverly walked to the other side of the table and left the bottle of wine there. “I’m not drinking wine either. Can I have some of your ice tea?”

“Yes, but I hope you know you don’t have to do that. I’m the one who is an addict and the one who can’t drink, not you, baby.”

“I know that. I also know that I don’t want to add any worries to you,” Waverly hugged the redhead. “I don’t want to be that person who doesn’t care, and I don’t need wine to have fun with you. I just need you.”

“If you say so… I don’t want to cut your wings, though.”

“I’m positive,” Waverly smirked. “Did you notice what you did?”

“What?”

“You called me baby,” Waverly pinched Nicole on her belly.

“Oh… is that alright?”

“Definitely. I longed for moments like these with you,” Waverly confessed.

“How is this going to work, Waves? When we go back to our daily routines.”

“I suppose we have to keep it low and professional when we are at work, but I don’t think it will be a problem,” Waverly frowned. “We can talk with HR if you prefer.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Nicole sighed. “Tomorrow I’ll be the janitor and you’ll be a professor, a researcher.”

“We talked about this before. I don’t care about how different our jobs are. As long as we don’t hurt other people and remain honest to each other, it's alright,” Waverly held her gaze. “If you want me, I need you to know that I want you so very much.”

“I do,” Nicole joined their foreheads. “I want you, Waves, but I don’t want you to get burned.”

“I know I won’t, baby. I know it.”

“I think I like it when you say _baby_ , too,” Nicole smiled.

“I really like to say it. Now let’s eat all of this food. And I’m taking the leftovers home, it all looks delicious,” Waverly pulled the redhead by the hand.

They spent hours there, just enjoying each other’s company, stealing kisses, hugging, and laughing. Waverly couldn’t remember the last time she felt so free. She wished that date would never end. At the end of the day, they drove back to the Homestead and the brunette suspected that Nicole didn’t want it to be over either because she was going slower than ever.

“Today was perfect,” Waverly said once Nicole stopped the car.

“That’s because every day with you is perfect,” the redhead replied.

“Smooth talker.”

“I’m only like that when I am with you.”

“When I woke up this morning,” Waverly whispered, “I was almost passing out of nervousness. I thought that I was about to jump off of a cliff, but now it’s alright ‘cause you were holding my hand the whole time.”

“I’ll always do my best to catch you and help you fly,” Nicole kissed Waverly's knuckles.

“I’d like to do this again.”

“I’d love that, too. As soon as you want it.”

“Good, but I’ll organize everything this time,” Waverly said. “It’s only fair.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Would you like to come in?”

“No, I don’t think it’s the best idea,” Nicole smirked. “Wynonna won’t give us a break.”

“You’re probably right. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“And the day after?”

“Every single moment that you want,” Nicole giggled. “I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll have me.”

“Is forever too much for a first date?” Waverly asked nervously.

“Not with us, no. Forever seems almost good enough. Maybe forever and a few more days.”

“You…” Waverly was not able to say anything else. She had to kiss Nicole at least one more time that day. When they broke apart, Waverly sighed pleased. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, baby. Have a good night.”

“Call me when you get home?”

“Not tired of me yet?” Nicole teased.

“Never.”

“I’ll call you, don’t worry.”

Nicole drove away, back to town, and Waverly felt like the redhead was taking her heart with her. It was not the first time she felt like that, but at least this time she knew she had a piece of Nicole with herself as well.

_We're only getting older, baby  
And I've been thinking about it lately  
Does it ever drive you crazy  
Just how fast the night changes?  
Everything that you've ever dreamed of  
Disappearing when you wake up  
But there's nothing to be afraid of  
Even when the night changes  
It will never change me and you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts about this one. Kudos and comments are always welcome and they make my day happier.  
> See you guys next week!


	15. Truly, madly, deeply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old habits are revisited and sometimes that can be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you so much for all the love you send my way. I know I say this every chapter, but I'm really thankful for you all. It means a lot to me that you like this story.
> 
>   
> A.N. I wasn't going to post this Wednesday and I had a different idea for the notes, but with all that happened today, I changed my mind (I'm sorry if this gets too long).  
> So, I'm a big soccer fan (almost played it professionally) and today one of the greatest players of all time, Diego Maradona, died. For many years he fought against **this terrible disease that is addiction** , but he couldn't win. His heart stopped today as a consequence of his disease. That's what I want to talk about... You can be the best at what you do and still suffer from addiction. So, if you know someone who is fighting this battle, don't let them fight alone. If you need a friend, I'm here for you. I know it can be hard, but I'm here for you, even if we don't know each other personally.  
> 
> 
>   
> **Gracias por la magia, Pipe. La pelota no se mancha.**

**Chapter 15 – Truly, madly, deeply**

_Am I asleep, am I awake, or somewhere in between?_

_I can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me_

_Or did I dream that we were perfectly entwined?_

_Like branches on a tree, or twigs caught on a vine?_

_Like all those days and weeks, and months I tried to steal a kiss_

_And all those sleepless nights and daydreams where I pictured this,_

_I’m just the underdog who finally got the girl_

_And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world_

Running her fingers over the cover of the book to close it, and then on her eyes, Waverly sighed tiredly. Being the only one in the history department was exhausting. She leaned back against her chair and wished she could take a quick nap, but that was not possible. The brunette was almost falling asleep when she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

“Hi,” Nicole smiled closing the door behind her.

“Oh, your face was everything I wanted to see,” Waverly walked toward the woman and held her tight.

“Everything alright, love?” Nicole worried.

“Long day and I wasn’t sure that yesterday was real. It’s been so long,” Waverly pouted.

“Let’s try something that might help you remember,” Nicole put one hand on Waverly's face and the other on her back, pulling her closer. She leaned down and brushed their lips. With their eyes closed, they kissed slowly. Waverly was sure her legs were melting and if it weren’t for the redhead's hand around her, she would have ended up on the floor. Nicole not only smelled like vanilla, but she also tasted like it. When they ended the kiss, Waverly wished she didn’t have to move ever again. Nicole was smiling at her, showing those _damn_ dimples. “I’m sorry, we are at work. We should remain professional.”

“I think we are alright in here,” Waverly whispered.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Just to be next to you I feel like I’m on the moon. I’m so happy about yesterday. It meant the world to me. Being here with you means the world to me.”

“I know the feeling,” Nicole smiled and leaned down to another kiss. Waverly held her tight and kissed her back fiercely. She had all she ever wanted right there in her arms. She would do everything she could to keep this woman. “I’m sorry,” Nicole was breathless. “I’m trying to behave, but is very hard to control myself around you. You consume every part of me.”

“You don’t ever have to control yourself around me,” Waverly whispered.

“Be careful with what you wish for, Miss Earp. Maybe I’ll start kissing you in many unappropriated places,” Nicole brushed her lips and kissed all over the brunette’s neck. She giggled when she felt the skin under her lips shivering.

“Please do,” Waverly said. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you too,” Nicole rubbed her thumb over Waverly's cheek. “Do you want to do something this evening?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Waverly sighed. “Alice said it’s been _ages_ since she last hung out with her aunts, so Willa and I agreed on taking her ice skating later today.”

“Oh, that’s alright.”

“You could come with us. I’d love that,” Waverly invited. “I like to see your cheeks flushed with the cold.”

“Very funny,” Nicole pushed the brunette playfully. “But I think I’ll pass today. Alice misses you, she deserves your entire attention.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely. Let it be an Earp girls’ night out.”

“Oh no,” Waverly gasped. “Are you saying you don’t want to go because you can’t skate anymore? I’m so sorry, I didn’t think about it.”

“Relax baby, it’s fine. I can skate, just not at a competing level, but I can still have fun,” Nicole told her. “I truly think you deserve a night out with your family. You’ve been working hard lately.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Waverly asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. We decided about it this morning.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise. And please don’t worry about having fun when I’m not around. You deserve to be happy every second of your life,” Nicole bent down to kiss the brunette. “I’m tired anyway. I spent the whole day going up and down a ladder. I’ll go home and rest. But you can text me some pictures of you embarrassing yourself while you skate.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Waverly complained.

“I’ve seen you skating, baby. No need to lie to me about it,” Nicole teased. “But you are very cute when you do it. Besides, you couldn’t be perfect at _everything_. It’s only fair to the rest of us mortals for you to suck at least in one thing since you are so smart and great at everything else.”

“I’ll let you slip away with this one because you are very cute,” Waverly said.

“You should go now, so you don’t get there late. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.”

“I miss you already,” Waverly stood on her toes to kiss Nicole slowly one more time.

* * *

“Auntie Willa, finally! We have been waiting for you since forever,” Alice said impatiently.

“We’ve been here less than ten minutes,” Waverly corrected her niece.

“Sorry, pumpkin. I got stuck at work,” Willa hugged the little girl. “Are you ready for some fun?”

“Yeah! Come on!”

The three of them got in and quickly started to put on their skates. Alice worked really hard to do it on her own, only accepting her aunts' supervision.

“Go ahead for a first-round by yourself, Alice. We’ll go right after you,” Waverly said. The girl happily accepted the offer and the two women didn’t take their eyes from her.

“You look happy today, kid. I like it,” Willa said.

“I am happy.”

“Is a certain redhead the reason for the bright smile on your face?” Willa teased.

“Maybe…”

“Alright, tell me everything.”

“Oh, Willa. She is wonderful. I feel like I’m the happiest I’ll ever be whenever we are together,” Waverly daydreamed.

“And you are sure she is really clean?”

“Willa!”

“Oh, I’m sorry if I want to make sure my baby sister is not going to jump with her head into something just to get her heart broken later,” Willa replied.

“She is clean. I promise.”

“Ok, I believe you. I just trying to look out for you.”

“I know. I appreciate it, I do. It’s just that she has been working so hard to get back on her feet, I don’t want people to be suspicious of her,” Waverly explained.

“I understand. But you better prepare yourself for that,” Willa warned her sister. “People might talk about it with you guys.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. But I can assure you that she’s doing great,” Waverly said. “She’s the same person she was before this disease. Well, except for hockey.”

“Is there any chance of her ever play again?” Willa asked.

“No, her knee won’t take it. I do believe she should be involved with hockey somehow, which made me think…” Waverly smiled at her older sister.

“Oh boy, here we go. Waverly Earp is having ideas,” Willa joked.

“Isn’t there anything she could do at your school? Hockey related I mean. She could be the coach.”

“Mr. Anderson is the coach and he is far from retiring,” Willa said.

“But is he the coach of both teams?” Waverly wondered.

“Purgatory High School only has a boys’ hockey team nowadays,” Willa clarified.

“What? How did that happen?” Waverly couldn’t believe her ears.

“Nicole was the last girl to be a hockey star from Purgatory, so we had to shut down the girls’ team.”

“How are we going to have other stars if we don’t have a team for them to play?” Waverly started to feel angry.

“The number of applications for the team started to decrease with time until the point we couldn’t join competition without a full team,” Willa said. “Look, I don’t like it either, but that’s what happened.”

“Well, Nicole could be the coach for a new girls’ team,” Waverly suggested.

“I don’t know kid, I don’t think I have the budget for that,” Willa reasoned.

“Look, I know she would accept it even if she won’t get paid.”

“What about when the competitions start and they have to go to other cities?” Willa asked.

“We’ll raise money for them. We can have fairs and other things. Please, Willa. Just give her a chance,” Waverly begged.

“I don’t even know if there are enough girls who want to play.”

“Just let her try. She can put up some posters at school and see if some girls want to take part. If there aren’t enough, we forget about it.”

“Ok, you win. I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” Willa said.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Waverly jumped over her.

“You could do me a favor and tell Wynonna I am your favorite sister,” Willa tried.

“Oh no. No way. I’m not getting between you two on this,” Waverly waved her off.

“Boring.”

“Come on aunties,” Alice showed up in a hurry. “I want to jump on the ice.”

“We’re on our way,” Willa screamed at her niece.

* * *

Driving on Main Street, Nicole wondered what she would be up to that evening. She stopped in front of Shorty’s and noticed that the lights were on and she decided to go in.

“Ms. Haught. What are you doing here?” Doc sounded disappointed.

“Hello, Doc. Kate.”

“No, no, no. We are not serving you anything,” Kate said. “Wynonna told us you are clean and there is no way we’re going to be the ones to ruin it.”

“I didn’t come today as a customer,” Nicole smiled. “I’m here as an old friend. I came here to thank you and apologize to both of you.”

“Well, go on then,” Doc said.

“I am aware of the trouble I caused to your business in the past and how rude I have been to both of you. I am truly sorry for that.”

“That woman who used to come here was not you,” Kate stated.

“It’s very kind of you to say that, Kate. Thank you,” Nicole recognized. “I know you two did everything you could to keep me safe, and that was a lot more than I deserved. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it and I’ll be here for the two of you whenever you need.”

“We’re glad you are feeling better,” Kate said. “Just don’t ever come back here to buy things from us.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on doing that anymore,” Nicole smiled.

“Unless you want to buy food,” Doc stepped in.

“You know what, Doc? I think you are right. I’d like a burger and fries to go,” Nicole said.

“Perfect. I’ll be back in a few,” Kate headed to the kitchen to prepare the food.

“Do you sell soda in here, Doc?”

“I do,” he laughed. “There is always a first time for everything, right? Would you like one?”

“Two, please,” Nicole said. “I saw Alice the other day. You have an amazing little girl.”

“My sunshine is everything to me,” Doc smiled wide. “She’s so smart. I don’t know how we will be able to win an argument with her when she gets older.”

“You’ll be fine, I’m sure,” Nicole said. She looked around and noticed a few people there, having fun and drinking. She felt incredibly proud of herself when she noticed she didn’t want to do that and she was happy with that decision. It felt like forever since she last drank, as it was another life. It was definitely a win. After a few minutes, Kate came back with the food. “Thank you. How much is it, guys?”

“It’s on the house this time,” Kate replied.

“I won’t fight against free food,” Nicole joked. “I’ll bring Waverly some other day as a repay.”

“We have vegan things now,” Doc said, proud of himself.

“She’ll be happy to know that. Thanks, guys. See you around,” Nicole walked out of the bar and went straight home.

Sitting on the couch with her food on the table, Nicole turned on the TV. She took a deep breath and decided to do something she hadn’t done in a very long time. With the remote control in hand, Nicole searched for a sports channel. There was a hockey game on ESPN. It was time. She was ready for that. She pressed play and for the first time since she moved back to Purgatory, Nicole watched her favorite sport on TV again.

Eating her burger and drinking her soda, Nicole enjoyed the game. She hadn’t realized how much she missed it until that moment. It was _almost_ like her life was perfect again. The buzz of her phone distracted her for a moment and she noticed it was a text from Waverly. The redhead opened it to see a picture of the brunette, smiling sitting on the ice, as if she had just fallen.

“ _I'm blaming you for this moment. You jinxed me_.” Said the message attached.

That was it. For Nicole, everything was perfect at that moment. She couldn’t wait for the rest of her life. It seems that she would love every second of it.

_Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this_

_I’ll put this day back on replay and keep reliving it_

_‘Cause here’s the tragic truth if you don’t feel the same_

_My heart would fall apart if someone said your name_

_And truly, madly, deeply, I am_

_Foolishly, completely falling_

_And somehow you kicked all my walls in_

_So baby, say you’ll always keep me_

_Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all for today folks. Kudos and comments are always welcome. See you next week!! Take care! <3


	16. Through the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole has an unexpected visit and a surprising offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you so much for all the love and support you guys send my way. It makes my day happier. I hope you like this one.
> 
> I decided to tell a Brazilian fact at the end, so don't forget to check the End Notes hahaha

**Chapter 16 – Through the dark**

_You tell me that you're sad and lost your way  
You tell me that your tears are here to stay  
But I know you're only hiding and I just wanna see you_

_You tell me that you're hurt and you're in pain  
And I can see your head is held in shame,  
But I just wanna see you smile again_

_I wish that I could take you to the stars  
I'd never let you fall and break your heart  
And if you wanna cry or fall apart  
I'll be there to hold you_

Nicole locked the front door of her house, ready for an uneventful day of work, but she couldn’t be more wrong. A black Chevrolet was parked across from the street and a dark brunette stepped out of the car.

“Oh boy, here we go,” Nicole whispered to herself. “Hello, Willa. Good morning.”

“Haught. Do you have a moment? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Yes, of course,” Nicole held tight the backpack over her shoulder.

“Are you nervous?” Willa asked.

“A little, yeah.”

“Are you scared of me?” Willa arched one eyebrow.

“A tiny bit.”

“Why? I never did anything against you.”

“Well, you never really liked me either,” Nicole explained herself.

“That’s only because you and Wynonna were always in some kind of trouble. Poor Father Juan Carlo.”

“He really hated us,” Nicole smiled at the memory.

“So, you have been hanging out with Waverly,” Willa said.

“Yes.”

“Are you treating her well?”

“I am, I promise,” Nicole tried to look as serious as she could.

“And you are not getting high or getting drunk in an alley, making my other sister rescue you,” Willa would not take it easy on the redhead.

“Those days are over. I’m more certain about that every minute that passes by,” Nicole held her head high.

“So you would say that it’s not a problem for you to be around teens, you won’t be a bad influence for them anymore.”

“I guess not, why?”

“Because I have an offer,” Willa smirked.

“An offer?” Nicole wonderer. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

“You see, ever since you left Purgatory High School, it’s being hard to put together a girls’ hockey team. I thought that you could give it a try,” Willa explained. “Maybe with a new face there, more girls can get inspired and decide to join the team. You could teach them a bit about what you know. It’s a shame to only have a boys’ team.”

“Just to be clear,” Nicole started, “you want _me_ to be a coach for teenagers. Me, an addict.”

“You said you are clean and don’t plan on doing it again, so I don’t see the problem,” Willa talked as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“And do you think the parents of the students will be okay with me teaching their children?” Nicole worried.

“I’ll handle that part. You don’t have to think about it.”

“Do you trust me that much?”

“Waverly trusts you,” Willa said. “And I trust my baby sister. If she says you are ready, I believe her.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Nicole replied.

“Look, I’ll tell you beforehand that I don’t have money to pay you yet, this would be like a volunteer job,” Willa clarified. “I’ll try to get the budget to that, but I can’t promise anything.”

“I understand.”

“So, are you in or out?”

“I’m in,” Nicole said without thinking. “I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”

“You better. If you walk even just a little out of line and it put my students at risk I’ll give a reason to be afraid of me,” Willa warned the redhead. “And I don’t even care if Waverly talks about you like you hang the moon in the sky, you’ll see my wrath like the kids love saying.”

“I won’t give you a motive for that.”

“The same goes if you hurt Waverly. I’ll hunt you like you were prey, Haught.”

“That seems fair,” Nicole said.

“Good. Stop by the school tomorrow and we can talk about the schedule and hang up some posters,” Willa started to turn away toward her car.

“Alright. And, Willa? Thank you for this opportunity. You have no idea how important it is to me,” Nicole smiled.

“Of course. I’m sorry your career was disrupted like that. I hope you can find joy in hockey by being in a different spot.”

* * *

“Good morning, loves,” Waverly showed up in the kitchen and kissed her niece on the head. “Did you sleep alright, pumpkin?”

“Yes, Auntie Waves.”

“Alright Alice, go brush your teeth before we go to school,” Wynonna said. “All I heard about this morning was how fun it was last night.”

“It really was,” Waverly said. “You should join us next time.”

“I had some fun last night, too,” Wynonna smirked. “It’s not always that Dolls and I can have the house for ourselves.”

“Oh no, shut up. I don’t want to know about it,” Waverly made a disgusted face.

“Come on, you should be happy for me. I think Haught lost her game if you are this much sexually frustrated.”

“I am happy for you, and Nicole did not lose her game,” Waverly clarified. “We just haven’t done anything more than making out.”

“Why not?”

“We went to just one date, Wynonna.”

“And since when you can’t have sex on the first date?”

“Of course you can, that’s not what I meant,” Waverly sighed upset. “I just don’t want to rush it and ruin everything.”

“I’ve seen the way Nicole looks at you, baby girl. There is no way you could ruin it.”

“Nonna, I’m… I’m in love with her,” Waverly barely whispered. “I have been building this feeling for her for such a long time and I don’t want to scare her away.”

“Waverly…”

“What if she thinks I’m a freak? Uh? At first, when we were teens, I thought that it was just a crush for the cool kid, but long before she graduated from high school I knew I was in love with her. I believed it would change over the years but it never did, Nonna. What if she doesn’t see that I love her and she thinks that I’m only being stupid and…”

“Slow down, baby girl,” Wynonna ran her hand on her sister’s back. “Trust me, whenever you are ready to tell Nicole about these feelings, she will not run away. She’ll jump in.”

“How can you be so sure?” Waverly bit her lower lip, ready to cry.

“Because I’m her best friend and I know that woman. Do you remember when Tucker invited you to that New Year’s party at the Gardners?”

“Yuck.”

“Yeah. You should have seen Nicole that day,” Wynonna giggled. “She was so angry that I thought she might punch him. Only when I told her that you refused to go as his date she calmed down.”

“I didn’t know that,” Waverly said.

“I imagined she wouldn’t have told you. You were always important for her, baby girl. She always hung on your every word. When you came back to Purgatory, I went to talk to her at GRU. Just to tell her how important for you she is and to ask her not to break your heart. You should have seen her, she was so afraid I had told you about her addiction. She doesn’t want you to be disappointed in her.”

“And I’m not.”

“I know. I just want you to understand how much she cares about you. Don’t worry about going too hard on Nicole. She can take it. She’ll probably even like it, if you ask me,” Wynonna smirked again.

“You are impossible,” Waverly chuckled.

“I’m ready, Mama,” Alice popped up again in the kitchen.

“Let’s go then. Talk to you later, baby girl.”

“Will you be at tonight’s meeting? I think we’re going.”

“Sure. See you there,” Wynonna said.

“Bye, Auntie Waverly.”

“Bye, sweetheart. Have a great day at school,” Waverly smiled at the little girl. The brunette didn’t stay there much longer, she had to go to work anyway. She decided she was going to invite Nicole to that second date and maybe tell her how she truly felt.

* * *

Waverly walked the long hallway that leads to her office without taking her eyes from the redhead figure sweeping the same spot on the floor over and over again. When she turned around and notice the brunette, Nicole opened her big, bright smile that made the butterflies in Waverly's gut go crazy.

“What did this floor do to you that you are going over it so many times?” Waverly teased.

“I was waiting for you and I didn’t want anyone to notice,” Nicole said. “I need to talk to you.”

“Let’s get in,” they walked through the door and as soon as they were in, Waverly threw herself on Nicole, holding her by her neck and connecting their lips. “How is it that I stay less than 24 hours away from you but I miss you like something was taken away from me?”

“I’ve been told that my dimples are quite a charm,” Nicole smirked.

“Oh, you think you are funny?” Waverly raised one eyebrow. “You said you wanted to talk to me about something…”

“I got a visit this morning.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Willa Earp.”

“Oh…”

“Do you know what she wanted to talk about?” Nicole challenged the brunette.

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“Well, she wanted to offer me a position as a hockey coach at Purgatory High,” Nicole waited to see if Waverly would say anything, but she remained quiet. “You don’t have anything to do with it, do you?”

“No, I… You know what? I do. Yeah, I was the one who suggested it to her. And I don’t regret it. I’m not going to apologize for wanting my girlfriend to be happy and do something that she likes,” Waverly looked at Nicole and the redhead was baffled. Only then Waverly realized what she had just said. “Oh… fudgenuggets. Nicole, I didn’t…”

“Girlfriend, uh? Are you asking me?” Nicole showed her dimples and Waverly was sure they were her weakness.

“It’s not how I planned, but yes. Only if you want to,” Waverly felt her mouth getting dry.

“I would like that very much,” Nicole joined their foreheads and closed her eyes. “I want to be your girlfriend, Waverly Earp.”

“Yay,” Waverly giggled and pecked Nicole on her lips. “So tell me, hockey coach? Did you say yes?”

“Do you really think I can do it?”

“Of course you can, Nicole. You understand so much about this game.”

“Yesterday I watched a match for the first time in years,” the redhead said.

“Really? I thought that you watched it all the time,” Waverly was surprised.

“No, it was too hard. I’d always get angry and then drunk or high, so I decided that it was better to take a break from it,” Nicole clarified.

“When I suggested that to Willa, I thought that you would like it,” Waverly explained. “I didn’t think it would hurt you.”

“It didn’t hurt me. I accepted her offer,” Nicole smiled.

“Really? Baby, that’s amazing!” Waverly jumped on the redhead and spread kisses all over her face, making Nicole chuckle.

“I hope I don’t blow it.”

“You won’t. And even if sometimes things go wrong, you don’t have to worry about that. Mistakes happen. We learn from them and keep walking forward. I’ll always be there to support and cheer for you,” Waverly said.

“You are too good for me,” Nicole held Waverly by her waist and buried her face on her girlfriend’s neck.

“There is no such thing. I just want to make you happy,” Waverly kissed the side of Nicole's head and played with her baby hairs.

“You make me so very happy,” Nicole said. “Are you happy?”

“I am,” Waverly smiled. “And I remembered that we talked about me taking you on a date. Are you still up to it?”

“Of course, baby. I want to be with my girlfriend as much as I can. Whenever you want, I’d just really like to go to the meeting at PEaceMaker this evening.”

“Yes, I remember. I’ll go too. What about tomorrow?”

“Perfect,” Nicole brushed her lips on Waverly's. “I’ll go and let you work. Have a good day, pretty girl.”

“You too, baby.”

Nicole had barely walked out of the door when her phone started ringing.

“Hey, Wynonna.”

_“What’s up, Haught Dog?”_

“I’m at work. Do you need anything?”

_“Yeah, I want to know if you have plans for lunch today.”_

“No, I don’t,” Nicole said.

_“Cool. Let’s go to that new restaurant on Second Street. I’ve heard they have a killer burger,”_ Wynonna told her friend.

“Nice. I’ll check with Waverly if she wants to…”

_“No, no, no. No Waverly. Just you and I.”_

“But Nonna.”

_“No, she will make us go to a vegan place and I really want some meat today,”_ Wynonna complained. _“Besides, I haven’t hung out with my best friend in a long time. I miss you, dude.”_

“Awn, are you getting soft on me?”

_“Don’t make me regret calling you, Haught.”_

“Alright, alright, sorry. Tell you what, I’ll stop by PeaceMaker at 11:30 to pick you up. Sounds good?”

_“Perfect.”_

“And Wynonna? I miss you, too.”

_“Who is soft now?”_

“Shut up,” Nicole chuckled.

_“I’m hanging up on you,”_ Wynonna said and before Nicole could reply, the call was already off.

Nicole shook her head and smiled thinking about her friend. She was happy to know that Wynonna forgave her and they were rebuilding their friendship. She would work hard not to lose her again.

  
  


_I will carry you over  
Fire and water for your love  
And I will hold you closer  
Hope your heart is strong enough  
When the night is coming down on you  
We will find a way through the dark_

_You tell me that you hurt, it's all in vain  
But I can see your heart can love again  
And I remember you laughing  
So let's just laugh again_

_And you don't need  
You don't need to worry  
And you will see it's easy to be loved  
I know you wanna be loved_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hockey coach, how about that? Kudos and comments are always welcome!
> 
> In my other story (All my days), I used to tell weird and curious facts about Brazil. I just remembered one thing that I didn't tell there and I'd like to share with you, so here it goes the Brazilian fact of the week: we have a plant here called [Mandioca](https://blog.mfrural.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/mandioca.jpg). It comes in two ways: Mandioca Brava (used to make flour) and Mandioca Mansa (I prepare the same way as potatoes - boiled and fried). The thing is, you can't eat Mandioca Brava unless it is as flour and it was dried for days because it's poisonous (you can have a heart attack). I used just one picture because they look exactly the same. The only way to know the difference is if you grow them in different places...


	17. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Nicole go on their second date. Confessions are made and things heat up.
> 
> NSFW (should I say that?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments you gave me. It means a lot to this girl over here.
> 
> So, this chapter has smut... I'm very insecure about it because I know it's not my strongest feature to write, but I thought it was necessary. There are so many great writers here who do a good job of writing it so I can only hope it's not terrible lol
> 
> See you at the end of this page!

**Chapter 17 – 18**

_We took a chance_

_God knows we tried_

_Yet all along, I knew we'd be fine_

_So pour me a drink, oh love_

_And let's split the night wide open_

_And we'll see everything we can_

_Living love in slow motion_

_So kiss me where I lay down_

_My hands pressed to your cheeks_

_A long way from the playground_

Waverly got out of her car and for a second she didn’t know if she should knock on the door or just get in. Countless times in the past she would have let herself inside the house, but it was a different occasion this time. She was there to take Nicole on a date. She held the box of chocolate in her left hand and with her right hand, she knocked on the door.

“Waves, wow,” Nicole was astonished. “You look so pretty.”

“So do you, baby,” Waverly stepped closer and pecked her girlfriend on her lips, and handed her the chocolate. “For you.”

“That is very sweet of you.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah, we can go,” Nicole put the box inside and closed the door behind herself. “Where are we going?”

“You made me wait until the last moment for our first date,” Waverly smiled mischievously while she got in the car. “Now it’s my revenge and there is nothing you can do to change my mind.”

“Come on, baby, please,” Nicole pouted and showed her puppy eyes to her girlfriend.

“No way, don’t even try. I’m not going to look at you all the way there,” Waverly said.

“Alright, I’ll behave,” Nicole gave up.

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at a restaurant Nicole believed was more than she could afford.

“Has anyone ever taken you to a fancy restaurant?"

"No," Nicole said. "Are you sure, Waves? This place looks expensive."

"I’m pretty sure you spent a lot more on our first date."

"Do they have vegan food here? Because if they don't, we…"

"They do, love. Don't worry. Come here," Waverly pulled Nicole by her jacket for a gentle kiss. "Thank you for caring about me, but tonight is my turn to spoil you. Let's go inside."

They found their table and ordered the food. Nicole couldn't stop being amazed by the place.

"I like it here," the redhead said. "I thought it would be full of stuck up in here, but it's nice. There is even music playing."

"Does that mean you don't trust my choices?" 

"No, please, it's not that," Nicole worried. "I just didn't know what to expect."

"I'm teasing you, sweetie.”

“Alright,” Nicole breathed out loudly.

“Relax, baby. We are here to have fun, I don’t want you to feel bad,” Waverly reached over the table to hold Nicole by the hand. “So tell me, did you talk to Willa today?"

"Yeah, I went to school and we arranged everything," Nicole told her. "Tomorrow I'm going to talk to the students and tell them we are setting up a team."

"I'm so proud of you, I hope you know that," Waverly smiled.

"Thank you, baby." 

It didn't take long for their food to arrive, and they jumped hungrily on it. They ate and chatted happily, when they finished, Nicole looked around and noticed a spot that looked like a dance floor.

"Would you dance with me, Waverly Earp?"

"Really?"

“Well, you know I'm not the best dancer, but I can handle myself," Nicole shrugged. "I promise that I won't step on your foot."

"I'd love to dance with you, Nicole Haught."

They walked to the dance floor and Nicole placed both her hands on Waverly's waist. The brunette placed one hand on her girlfriend's chest and the other around her neck. They moved from one side to the other quietly for a couple of songs. Waverly closed her eyes and sighed. A smile popped on her lips.

“Are you alright there, pretty girl?”

“Perfect. I feel like I’m living a dream. My family is doing great, I have my dream job, I have my favorite girl, right here in my arms and I get to call her my girlfriend. I’m exactly where I always wanted to be.”

“I’m glad you feel like that,” Nicole said. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get my shit together and I made you wait.”

“No, don’t say that, baby. Things happened when they were supposed to, and we are here now, so it’s all fine,” Waverly kissed her girlfriend on her cheek.

“It’s still hard for me to believe you actually want me,” Nicole chuckled.

“You have no idea how much I want you,” Waverly said with a husky voice. “I would show you, but there are far too many people here.”

“Is that so?” Nicole teased.

“You know what, Nicole? I think I want to take you home. Your place, where we can be alone,” Waverly got to the tip of her toes and pressed their lips together on a hard peck.

“Okay,” Nicole was taken by surprise.

They paid the bill and sped back to Nicole’s. They barely crossed the door when Waverly jumped on Nicole for a hunger kiss. The brunette was bold and she moved her lips possessively over her girlfriend’s. They landed on the couch, with Waverly on top of the redhead. Nicole put her hands in all the right places and the brunette was sure she could explode at any second.

“I think this is too much to happen on the couch,” Nicole broke the kiss.

“Then take me to your bedroom,” Waverly spread light kisses on Nicole’s jaw.

“Are you sure about that, baby? We can slow down if you…”

“I don’t want to slow down. I told you, all I want is you,” Waverly continued to kiss her girlfriend down her neck.

“In that case, would it be too weird if I asked you to wait here for a couple of minutes while I go there first?” Nicole asked.

“A little, yeah,” Waverly moved away to look Nicole in the eyes.

“I’ll be quick, I promise. Please, baby, trust me on this.”

“Alright, go.”

“Thanks, baby. I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” Nicole went to the bedroom so fast that it made Waverly laugh. She knew whatever her girlfriend was up to would be worth the wait. True to her word, a few minutes later the redhead was back, with a smile on her face. She reached out her hand for Waverly to take it and when she was up, they kiss a lot slower than they were doing minutes ago. “Come with me, Waves.”

When Waverly crossed the door, she couldn’t believe what was right in front of her. The room was all lightened up with small candles all over it and there was a red rose on the bed. Nicole walked past her, grabbed the flower, and handed it to her.

“Nicole… It’s so beautiful here. Is it safe?” Waverly said before she could control herself, then she looked apologetically at her girlfriend.

“It is baby, don’t worry,” Nicole giggled. “I made sure it would be.”

“Sorry. I just wasn’t expecting something like this. You worked so fast to set it up.”

“I prepared it earlier, I just lighted them now,” Nicole said.

“Did you know I would suggest that we come here?” Waverly wondered.

“I wasn’t sure, but I wanted to be ready. You deserve everything to be perfect, Waves.”

“I love you,” Waverly let it slip out. Nicole felt her breath get stuck in her throat with the brunette’s confession. Realizing what she had done, Waverly quickly put her fingers on top of Nicole’s lips. “Please, you don’t have to say anything you are not ready for. And I don’t want it to be weird. I know you are not there yet and it’s ok if you never feel it, but I have this feeling inside me for so long, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I didn’t plan to tell you like this, but I do. I really, _really_ love you, Nicole Haught.”

Nicole didn’t say a word, but there was a fire in her eyes. She lifted Waverly by her thighs and slowly laid her on the bed, allowing her own body to fall softly on top of her girlfriend. Nicole started kissing Waverly again and the brunette spread her hands on the other woman’s back, pulling her even closer.

Waverly was so focused on the sensation of Nicole's lips kissing her that it took her a second to notice fingers tracing the skin under her shirt.

"Can I take this off, babe?"

"Yes," Waverly breathed out. "Off. Everything off."

It wasn't hard to notice that Nicole was skilled with her hands. With one hand she opened the buttons of Waverly's shirt and she was now working on her jeans. The redhead moved away briefly, only enough to take off Waverly's clothes, leaving her only with her underwear. Her lips wandered all over the brunette's body, spreading kisses in every inch of skin they could find.

"You are so beautiful," Nicole said without ever stop kissing her girlfriend.

"Why are you still dressed?" Waverly asked annoyed.

"Don't worry, pretty girl," Nicole stood on her feet and pulled out her shirt and pants, dropping them on the floor right next to Waverly's clothes.

Nicole lay over the brunette again and captured her lips in another hunger kiss. Waverly couldn't believe it was not another dream of her, that the woman she loved was there with her, making her body burn.

"More," Waverly said.

"More what?"

"More of you."

"Are you sure?" Nicole checked one more time.

"Please, love. Don't make me beg."

Nicole understood they were still wearing too many clothes, so she had to deal with it. In a few fast movements, they were both completely naked. Before Waverly could say anything, she felt the redhead going down on her, kissing the inside of her thighs and then a tongue licking her clit.

"Oh, Nicole," Waverly moaned. She continued with the uncontrollable rough sounds and grabbed Nicole by her hair. It only made the redhead work even harder with her mouth. Waverly wanted to hold longer, to make that moment last forever, but it was impossible. Her body surrendered to pleasure and exploded.

The brunette wished she could stay like that for hours, but Nicole was not done yet.

She moved up and kissed one of Waverly's nipples. She was holding the brunette by the hips, putting just the right amount of pressure. After a couple of minutes, Waverly felt like she could move again, so she traced Nicole's inner part and unceremoniously entered two fingers there.

"Waves. Fuck," Nicole half stood with her hands in each side of the brunette. Her eyes darkened. With her free hand, Waverly pulled Nicole for a deep kiss. The redhead didn't waste any time and soon she had her fingers inside Waverly as well.

They were moving in and out of each other, completely lost in the feeling. It was impossible to know how long they were there. The room was full of moans and groans. The sounds increased when they both reached their breaking point. Waverly used the remaining strength she had to turn them around so she could lay on top of Nicole. Waverly pulled away, biting Nicole's lip in the process.

"Wow," the brunette said.

"Yeah,” Nicole didn't hold a chuckle.

“I feel like I could spend the rest of my life kissing you and that wouldn’t be enough,” Waverly traced Nicole’s face with her index finger.

“Good thing that we have forever,” Nicole smirked.

“I love you so much,” Waverly didn’t give time for Nicole to say anything about that and kissed her again. They remained like that until it was too hard to stay awake, so they fell asleep together.

The sun was up when Waverly started to move. She noticed that Nicole was already awake.

“Morning, love.”

“Morning, pretty girl. Did you sleep well?”

“Better than ever,” Waverly said.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Nicole confessed.

“Go, go,” Waverly laughed. Less than five minutes later the redhead was back. “Why didn’t you go sooner?”

“I didn’t want you to wake up and I think that I wasn’t here anymore,” Nicole confessed.

“We are at your house,” Waverly reasoned.

“I didn’t want to risk,” Nicole tried to explain herself. “My brain is not so fast in the morning.”

“It was very sweet of you to think about me like that,” Waverly moved closer and brushed her lips over Nicole’s.

“I just want to make you happy,” the redhead whispered.

“You do. I wish we could stay here all day, but we both have to work and you have to go to school talk to the girls about the team, too.”

“Can we stay a little longer?” Nicole begged.

“I have to go home and change my clothes,” Waverly said.

“No…”

“What if we stay here for ten more minutes and then we go?” Waverly offered.

“I’ll take whatever I can get,” Nicole laid on top of Waverly and buried her face on the brunette’s neck.

Waverly felt the butterflies in her gut going crazy again. She hugged Nicole tight and felt like she was holding the whole world with her arms.

_I have loved you since we were 18_

_Long before we both thought the same thing_

_To be loved and to be in love_

_And all I can do is say that these arms_

_Are made for holding you_

_And I wanna love like you made me feel_

_When we were 18_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought about this one in the box under here. Comments and kudos are very welcome.
> 
> As the end of this weird year gets closer, please be even more careful. I know we all miss our friends and family, but the fight is still not over. We are almost there, my friends. Let's just hold on for a bit longer. Take care of yourself, alright? I'll see you next week!


	18. Fireproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy to recover. Even when things are good, sometimes you can feel blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> I know, I'm a broken record saying this again and again, but I really want to thank you all for all the kindness you send my way. I appreciate the fact that after all this time so many of you are still around.  
> Let's go to action then!

**Chapter 18 – Fireproof**

_I think I'm gonna lose my mind_

_Something deep inside me, I can't give up_

_I think I'm gonna lose my mind_

_I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck_

_Yeah, I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck_

  
  
  


It was hard not to be amazed by how things can change in life. It felt like not long ago, Nicole had stopped at the Principal’s office alongside Wynonna because they had been in trouble somehow, and now she was there to start a new job. She knocked on the door and waited for confirmation to go in.

“Good morning, Ms. Earp.”

“Good morning, Nicole. And Willa is fine, no need to worry about that.”

“I didn’t want to overstep,” the redhead explained.

“You didn’t. Are you ready to talk to the students?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Let’s go then,” Willa said and they walked out of her office toward the classrooms. It had been a while since Nicole last went there, but she still remembered it quite well. They stopped in front of the first door and Willa knocked on it. “We’ll talk to the eleventh year first. Excuse me, Mrs. Walker. Can we have a word with the students, please?”

“Of course, please come in,” Mrs. Walker said.

“Good morning, class,” Willa greeted them. “We are here today to talk about something I think you will like it very much.”

“Are we going to be home one week earlier this year, and we’ll come back only in February?” One of the boys said.

“Funny, Mark, but no,” Willa replied. “This one here with me is Nicole Haught, and you might recognize her from some of the pictures hanging on the hallways. She was a hockey player for our school and she is here today for a very special occasion. I’ll let her explain,” Willa nodded to Nicole.

“Ah, yes, thank you. Hello everybody. As Mrs. Earp said, I used to be a hockey player. I used to have a lot of fun playing for Purgatory High School, but unfortunately, for the last few years, it was not possible to keep the girls’ team going on. We have been talking, and we think it would be nice to give it a chance again, so that is why I am here,” Nicole said in a rush. She looked around the room and saw a familiar face. It was the same girl she met outside PeaceMaker on the day of her first meeting. She was smiling shyly at her. “I’ll be the coach for the girls’ team if we have enough people who want to take part in it. So if there are any of you who want that, I have the list here for you to apply. I’ll leave it on the notice board until the last day of classes for this year if you decide to join it at some point. Practice will start on the first week of classes in January. Yeah, that is pretty much it.”

“Well, would anyone like to put their name in already?” Willa asked. For a few seconds, there was complete silence, until someone moved. It was Rachel.

“I want to join,” the girl said.

“That is very nice, Valdez,” Willa congratulated the girl.

“Hello, Ms. Haught,” Rachel said.

“Hi, Rachel. Thank you for joining us,” Nicole said low. “Please, put the positions you can play next to your name.”

“Alright,” she wrote ‘Rachel Valdez - Left-Wing’.

Nicole heard some noise and looked to her left. Another girl was standing up next to them.

“Hi, I’m Amanda. I play as Right Defense,” the blonde girl said. “But I can be a decent Right-Wing if you need me to.”

“Thank you, Amanda. Welcome to the team,” Nicole smiled.

They finished visiting all classrooms by the time the bell rang for the break. Nicole said goodbye to Willa and she was hanging on the wall the list with five names on it already when a girl who looked fifteen approached her.

“Ms. Haught?”

“Hello.”

“You have just been to my classroom,” the girl said.

“That’s right. Would you like to be part of the team?”

“I want to but… I don’t really know how to play,” the girl blushed. “That’s why I didn’t say anything earlier, in front of everybody.”

“What’s your name?” Nicole asked.

“Maddison. I know how to ice-skate if that helps.”

“It does. What if we write your name here, without the position, and when the practice starts we can see which one you’ll like the most? What do you think?”

“I would like that, but I don’t want to be a bother. I know the other girls probably can play well,” Madison said.

“One of the best things about being part of a team is the friends you make and the fun you have,” Nicole smiled at the memories. “We all begin in different places. I can start one hour earlier with you on the first day, so you feel more comfortable before the other girls arrive. No pressure on being perfect. You just have to be willing to try.”

“That would be nice, I think.”

“Don’t worry too much about it, alright Madison? We can make it work, I’m sure.”

“Thank you, Ms. Haught.”

“I’ll see you after the break,” Nicole nodded for the girl when she walked toward her friends.

Once she was alone in her car, Nicole sighed loudly. Her heart was heavy with a feeling she knew quite well. She was only expected to be at work in the afternoon, but she didn’t want to go back home and be alone, even if it was for just a few hours. She decided to drive to a place that a few months ago she never thought she would be comfortable at. She went to PeaceMaker.

Arriving there, she noticed only a couple of people hanging around. The redhead went straight to Wynonna’s office. The door was open, but she closed it behind her when she got in.

“Hi, Nonna.”

“Hey, Nicole. I thought you were at work.”

“I was at school, talking to the students about the girls’ hockey team,” the redhead told her friend.

“Oh yeah, I forget that was today,” Wynonna said. “How was it?”

“Good. I already have six girls who want to be part of the team.”

“That is amazing, Nicole.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong? I thought you would be more excited about it.”

“I am.”

“You don’t sound like it,” Wynonna said.

“I don’t know what is going on,” Nicole confessed. “Yesterday was probably the best day of my life, and today was pretty awesome, too. A lot better than I was expecting if I‘m honest.”

“Nicole…”

“So why the hell am I feeling so shitty? Why do I feel like if I get high right now I will feel better?” Nicole asked angrily. “I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

"You are healing, Nicole. That takes time."

"What if I start feeling like this when I'm around Waverly? She'll feel bad and feel like I don't care about her."

"What you are going through is an everyday battle," Wynonna said. "I know you wished it wasn't like this. I need you to keep in mind that you are not fighting alone. You probably don't remember this, but in your first meeting, Fish talked about how you have to go day by day, and he was right. You don't have to think about how things will be in the future, it's not healthy. It's not healthy for anyone, for the matter."

"I feel like I worked so hard but I'm still at the starting line," Nicole sighed.

"Part of your healing is to try to remember that not using drugs doesn't mean forever happiness. It's harsh, I know," Wynonna sighed, too. "But I promise that it's better without them. It makes you stronger. Life is tough and we have to be tougher."

"It's not fair," Nicole whispered.

"It isn't. Would you like to arrange a meeting with Rosita?"

"Maybe it's the wisest thing to do," Nicole agreed.

"I know it probably doesn't feel like this right now, but what you just did was a win," Wynonna said, but Nicole was not having it. " _It was_. I know it would be a lot easier to surrender to your desires and go talk to Jonas, but you didn't. You came here to talk to me. That shows how far you have come. And I am so fucking proud of you."

Nicole couldn't say anything to that. She only nodded and bowed her head, drying the tears before they fell.

"I'll always be there for you when you need me," Wynonna hugged her friend by her shoulder. "And so will be Waverly."

"I don't want her to think that I'm failing," Nicole admitted.

"She won't think that because you are not failing."

"Thanks, Nonna."

"Let's talk to Rosita and then I'll take you out for lunch," Wynonna smiled. "My treat. I want to know everything that happened this morning. Willa has been saying she's going to be baby girl's favorite sister after you start working as a coach and I can't let that happen. Maybe you could tell Waverly how awesome I am."

“Oh, I’m not getting into this feud between you and Willa,” Nicole shook her head.

“Man, you and baby girl are no fun.”

* * *

A couple of days went by, and Nicole started to feel better again. Waverly was working home that afternoon, so the redhead decided to go see her by the end of the day.

“Earp Homestead, how can I help you?”

“Hello, Alice. How are you today?” Nicole giggled with the little girl when she opened the door.

“Hi, Nicole. Good. Sarah and I made a volcano today,” Alice almost jumped with excitement. “It even etrupted!”

“Erupted?”

“Yep.”

“That’s so cool,” Nicole said. “Are you alone?”

“No. My mom is taking a shower and Auntie Waves is in her bedroom,” Alice frowned. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see your aunt. Do you think I could come in?”

“I suppose,” the girl said. “Do you want to watch Moana with me?”

“In a minute, is that ok? I need to talk to your aunt first,” Nicole made a funny face.

“Ok, I’ll wait for you here,” and then she had completely forgotten Nicole, totally focused on the movie again.

Nicole went to Waverly’s room and knocked on the door. She heard a muffled voice from inside and suspected that she could come inside.

“Hi, baby.”

“Oh, thank goodness you are here. I really needed you,” Waverly stood from her chair and went right into Nicole’s arms.

"What is wrong, Waves?"

"I'm tired and you are my comforting teddy bear," the brunette buried her face on her girlfriend's chest. 

“I gladly accept my new job offer,” Nicole joked. “It looks like you have your hands full of work.”

"Remember that lecture I'm going to give at the beginning of January? Well, I’m writing the starting notes and it's terrible."

"Waves, I'm sure it's not terrible. It's something you love to do, I know you can make it sound great," Nicole encouraged her girlfriend.

"No, I have to make it perfect," Waverly bit the nails of her left hand. "People don't usually like history. If I don't make it fun and interesting, they might fall asleep instead of listening to it."

"What if you read it for me so you can practice and I can tell you what I think about it?" Nicole suggested.

"You don't have to do that just because we are dating," Waverly tried to smile.

"I'm not doing it because we are dating. I'm doing it because… because I love you, Waves."

Waverly froze for a moment, but then she pulled her girlfriend by the hand so they could sit side by side on the bed.

"Are you saying that just because I said it?"

"I'm saying it because I feel it," Nicole kissed their entwined fingers. "I should have told you sooner, but you know I'm slow."

"You are not. We all have our own time for everything. Do you really feel that about me?"

"I do. I love you with all my heart, Waverly Earp."

"I love you, too, Nicole Haught," Waverly moved closer and sealed their lips together in a slow kiss.

"You are going to make them love history, I'm sure," the redhead was breathless when they parted. "We'll practice as many times as you want, love."

"Thank you," Waverly stretched her legs so she could sit on Nicole’s lap. "How are you today?"

"I'm better. It's easy to get inside of my head, but not so simple to get out," Nicole admitted. "Sometimes it's like I'm still drowning. Maybe I thought the healing would be faster, I don't know."

"I understand," Waverly kissed the side of her head. "I want you to know that my hand is always here for you to take if you feel like drowning. I'll always be here for you. Always. Even if it's just to bore you with my history facts."

"You mean to _amaze_ me with your history facts," Nicole teased.

"You are too nice to me," Waverly smiled. "So… It's Christmas next week. Dolls agreed to make half of the meal vegan. And I have been searching for some great non-alcoholic drinks for you and me."

"What?"

"I know we can always have some juice, but I think we could try something different. It would be fun," Waverly looked like a child excited for the day.

"You… you want me to spend Christmas with you?" Nicole stuttered.

"Well, yeah. I thought so. Do you… do you have other plans?"

"I was going to order pizza or something else since my usual tradition is no longer an option."

"What was it?" Waverly asked.

"Getting drunk or high. Or both," Nicole said.

"I will understand if you prefer to be by yourself," Waverly put her fingers inside of Nicole's hair. "But I would love to have you here with me."

"Shouldn’t we talk to Wynonna first?"

"She will want that, too. Besides, this is my home as well. I can choose who I want here just as much as she can."

"I don't want to intrude," Nicole said. "It's a family gathering."

"You _are_ my family, Nicole. You are the one I love with everything I have in me," Waverly looked deep inside her girlfriend's eyes. She wanted the redhead to truly believe that.

"In that case, I would love to be with you on Christmas," Nicole said. "It's been years since I last had one."

"I will make sure you have great holidays from now on. Every year until the end of our lives."

"Are you sure you want to spend that much time with me?" Nicole only half-joked.

"I've never been so sure about something in my whole life. I love you, Nicole Haught," Waverly leaned in and kissed her girlfriend. A loud knock on the door startled them.

"Hey, you two, no hiding in there," Wynonna screamed from outside. "Come out, let's order some pizza."

"Isn't she a delight?" Nicole faked a smile.

"Get used to it. You'll be her sister-in-law for the rest of your life," Waverly teased.

Nicole liked the sound of that. She couldn't wait for it.

  
  
  
  


_'Cause nobody knows you, baby, the way I do_

_And nobody loves you, baby, the way I do_

_It's been so long, it's been so long, maybe we're fireproof_

_'Cause nobody saves me, baby, the way you do_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excited for Christmas?? I know I am. I love this holiday.  
> Please, keep the kudos and comments coming so I know you are still interested in this story.  
> And I know we all miss being close to our family and/or friends and this moment of the year can be hard, but hold on. We are almost there, you guys. We've never been closer to winning, so take care of yourself, ok?  
> See you all next week!


	19. Something great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas at the Homestead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you for your love and support. You guys are amazing, seriously.
> 
> I want to wish you all Merry Christmas in case you celebrate it. If you don't, I wish you have a great day as well.
> 
> P.S. I threw a Brazilian joke in here, let's see if you get it lol

**Chapter 19 – Something great**

_ One day you'll come into my world and say it all _

_ You say we'll be together even when you're lost _

_ One day you'll say these words _

_ I thought you'll never say _

_ You say we're better off together in our bed _

_ I want you here with me _

_ Like how I pictured it _

_ So I don't have to keep imagining _

It was a strange feeling for Nicole to be busy on Christmas. Her uncle used to make a nice dinner and they would open the presents, but nothing more than that. Most times they didn't have guests, so they'd watch a Christmas movie and that was it. After he died and Nicole hit rock bottom, she'd be with only her misery as a company. This Christmas was a whole different thing because she was about to get inside the Earp's homestead.

Besides the cold night, the door was open, as if they were waiting for her.

"Hello?" Nicole put just her head inside the house and she smelled something weird.

"Hey, Nicole. Come in," Wynonna said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. Do you want me to close the door?"

"No, leave it open. Dolls burned the potatoes and now we need to let the smell go out," Wynona explained.

"Where is Waverly?"

"She is in the kitchen, but I'd be careful if I were you," Wynonna whispered. "She's kinda furious about the whole ordeal with the potatoes."

"Alright," Nicole moved to the other room. "Hey, Merry Christmas."

"You are here already?" Waverly gasped surprised. "Are you early?"

"I'm on time, baby."

"Oh, no. Oh, no. I should have everything ready for when you arrived," the brunette groaned almost crying.

"Hey, don't worry about it, love," Nicole tried to sound as supportive as she could. "I can help you with whatever you need."

"No, this is not how it's supposed to be," Waverly still sounded defeated.

"It's not a problem, Waves."

"The potatoes are ruined. I put them in the oven and went to take a shower, but when I came back Dolls was distracted playing with Alice and he didn't take them out," Waverly explained. "I still have to put some more in and I don't have the salad ready yet. This is all wrong."

"What is actually going on, love?" Nicole asked. "I know you like to plan things, but I don't think this is the only thing that is happening."

"You haven't had a Christmas celebration in years…"

"That is true."

"So I wanted today to be perfect, but it's not. It's ruined and it's all my fault."

"Hey, come here," Nicole got closer and hugged her girlfriend from behind. "It's not ruined, my love. We still have time to get these potatoes ready and enjoy our night."

"I'm sorry."

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about," Nicole kissed the back of the brunette's head. "You wanted it to be perfect, guess what? It has been perfect ever since you invited me."

"Nicole…"

"I'm serious. I've been so happy all week just by the thought of being here with you all tonight. Besides, is it really Christmas with family if not even one little thing goes in an unexpected direction?" The redhead chuckled.

"I guess," Waverly sighed.

"Please know that I am the happiest I can ever be whenever I am with you."

"Smooth talker."

"I just want you to understand how happy you make me, Waves."

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Nicole whispered. "Now, what can I do to help? Boss me around."

"Green salad," Waverly stated.

"On it," Nicole turned her girlfriend in her arms so she could give her a proper kiss. Every time she did that she was sure those lips were magnetic and it was getting harder and harder to stay away from them.

"Did I just overreacted?" Waverly frowned.

"Just a tiny bit," Nicole showed her thumb and her index finger almost touching each other. "But I know that you mean well, love."

"Alright, so let's get to work," Waverly told her.

After that, things got back to a course that eased Waverly's worry. Dolls had come back to the kitchen and apologized again with Waverly about the whole potato ordeal, but the brunette dismissed him, admitting that she had made the situation bigger than it should have been.

"Did you calm down or should I still fear for my life?" Wynonna stood at the kitchen's door.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Waverly resigned. "It wasn't as bad as I thought."

"No shit, Sherlock," Wynonna said to her sister and then looked at Nicole. "This party almost became a funeral, you know?"

Nicole shook her head, she knew better than to get between the Earp sisters. Wynonna opened the fridge and pulled out some drinks. She poured one glass and tried it, but she made a disgusted face.

"What on earth is this?"

"Oh, yours is the green one," Waverly told her sister. "The red one is for Nicole and me. It's non-alcoholic."

"Cool, dude. So can Alice have some of the red?"

"Of course. It's strawberry."

"Nice," Wynonna grabbed a few glasses, but she turned around right before she was out of the kitchen. "Oh, Willa and Robert just arrived."

"We'll be there in a moment," Waverly said.

"So… you actually made some drinks thinking about me," Nicole rested one hand on the brunette's waist.

"I would never leave my best baby out of the Christmas fun," Waverly leaned closer. "But be careful with  _ the grinch _ drink. There's vodka in it."

"Noted," Nicole lowered her head and kissed her girlfriend. "You can have  _ the grinch _ as much as you want. You know that, right?"

"Baby, we talked about this before. What if I don't want to?" Waverly asked. "What if what I want is to be able to share all my experiences with you?"

"I don't want you to miss anything. You deserve a proper Christmas."

"And I'm having one," Waverly started. "I know everyone has a different feeling about the holidays, but for me is the chance of being with my family, my friends, and my love. It's all I want for Christmas."

"I don't want to make a big deal of it," Nicole said. "I just want you to know you have options."

"I know I do. But no matter the options, I'll always choose you," Waverly spoke in a way that it was clear she was not up to discussion.

"And from all the colors for our drink, you choose red?" Nicole teased in an attempt to lighten the conversation that was going to a deep tone.

"I love red," Waverly shrugged. "Can you blame me?"

"Not at all, babe."

"Let's go to the living room and say hi to Willa," Waverly pulled her by the hand and guided them out of the kitchen.

A few minutes after that, the house was completely crowded because Doc and Kate joined them. And then Chrissy and Rosita, followed by Robin and Jeremy, much to Nicole's surprise. Everyone was laughing and having fun around Alice with how excited the girl was about having so many gifts under the tree only for her. Waverly told Nicole the grown-ups would not exchange presents, but she could feel free to buy something for the little girl if she wanted.

Nicole looked around the room and it was like there was something different in the air, something she hasn't felt in a long time, hell, maybe she never did before.

She stood up and walked out to the porch. Waverly looked to her sister to check if she had noticed the redhead's reaction, too. Wynonna only nodded at her, and Waverly went after her girlfriend.

Once outside, the brunette found Nicole leaning against one of the pillars. She could hear sobbing, so she approached her slowly, to avoid startling her.

"Nicole?"

"Hey, Waves," the redhead hurried to dry her tears.

"What is going on, sweetie?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Hey now, you can talk to me," Waverly held her right.

"I know. I know."

"Come here," Waverly guided them to sit at the bench under the window. "I've got you."

"I'm just… overwhelmed."

"Yeah?"

"This is so much more than I ever imagined I would have," Nicole confessed. "It's still hard to believe that this is my life now."

"I see. Well, you have to know that you deserve it. You deserve every single moment of happiness that you have in your life."

"It's really good to be here tonight."

"So you _are_ having fun…"

"The most fun," Nicole giggled.

"Oh, thank goodness. You scared me," Waverly sighed relieved.

"Were you afraid that I wouldn't like it?"

"Of course I was," Waverly looked almost offended. "I love Christmas and I wasn't ready to give it up."

"What?" Nicole was surprised. "What do you mean to give up Christmas?"

"Well, if you hated it, you wouldn't want to celebrate it again," Waverly said.

"Would you be willing to give up Christmas forever just because of me?" Nicole couldn't believe it.

"I love Christmas, yes," Waverly looked deep into her girlfriend's eyes. "But you, Nicole Haught… damn, I love you so much. It was hard before we were together, but now that we are here, I don't think I can be without you anymore," the look on the redhead's face was something Waverly wasn't waiting for. "Sorry. I'm going too far, right? I don't want to scare you away."

"No, that is not it," Nicole shook her head and cleared her throat. "Look, I know you said no gifts, but…"

"Nicole!"

"No, wait. Don't be angry yet," Nicole hurried. "It's just… I've been thinking about us and our future together and… I wanted to give you this."

She pulled a small box from her pocket and gave it to Waverly. When the brunette opened it, there was a key inside.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"A key to my house. And I cleaned part of my closet as well," Nicole said. "I know you love to be here at the Homestead, so this is not something like 'hey, move in with me right now'. It is just for you to know that you are welcome at my house at any time you want, even when I'm not there. I want you to know that I'm aware of the fact that I don't say it much, but I want you in my life for as long as you'll have me."

"This means so much to me," Waverly was surprised her voice didn't fail her. 

"Merry Christmas, Waverly Earp. I love you," Nicole brushed her lips over her girlfriend's, but the brunette wouldn't have the tease. She deepened the kiss, without worrying about her family inside the house. 

"You know, I bought something for you as well," Waverly was breathless. "And I'm wearing it right now, under this Christmas sweater. It also might involve some dancing and singing."

"Merry Christmas to me," Nicole bit her lower lip.

"You two, come back inside before you freeze," Willa shouted from the door.

"If you burn the potatoes again, I swear I'm making you eat just salad," Wynonna followed her older sister.

"We're coming," Waverly entwined their fingers.

"They do it on purpose. I swear," Nicole whispered harshly. 

The redhead pretended to be annoyed for a few moments, but she didn't manage to keep the angry face for too long. It was Christmas after all.

_ One day I'll come into your world and get it right _

_ I'll say we're better off together here tonight _

_ Come on, jump out at me _

_ Come on, bring everything _

_ Is it too much to ask for something great? _

_ You're all I want _

_ So much it's hurting _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcome.  
> I don't know how many of you are still reading this, but I just wanted you to know that we are almost at the end of this story. We only have three more chapters to go and then we'll say goodbye to this version of our favorite couple.
> 
> If you like my writing, I want to tell you that I have been working on a new story for the last few weeks. I'll only start posting it next year, tho, but I think you'll like it. I hope... We'll see...
> 
> Keep taking care of yourselves, my friends. I know the holidays make us want to go out and celebrate, but let's hold on just a little longer!  
> See you guys next week for a New Year's chapter!


	20. Steal my girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's eve party and the start of a new year challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> Thank you one more time for all the love and support. You guys are extraordinary.
> 
> I don't know if I said this before, but I don't play hockey... So I hope I don't make any mistake about it. I made some assumptions based on soccer, which is my favorite sport. Let's see how it works.
> 
> See you at the end!

**Chapter 20 – Steal my girl**

_Everybody wants to steal my girl_

_Everybody wants to take her love away_

_Couple billion in the whole wide world_

_Find another one 'cause she belongs to me_

  
  
  
  


After a long day of work, Nicole didn't want anything more than a warm shower. It was her last day of work of the year and she was getting anxious for what the new year would bring to her since she was about to become a hockey coach.

She was putting on her pajamas when she heard a noise coming from the kitchen.

"Oh, hey pretty girl."

"Hi," Waverly smiled with a coffee mug in her hands. "I used my key."

"I'm glad," Nicole approached her and kissed her head. "I thought you'd stay at the Homestead tonight."

"That was the plan, but when I got there, I discovered that Alice is staying at a friend's house tonight, so I thought it would be nice to leave the place for Wynonna and Dolls."

"That's very thoughtful of you."

"I was also being very selfish because it gave me the opportunity to spend the night with my baby," Waverly teased.

"No complaints from me," Nicole gave her a peck on the lips.

"I wanted to talk to you about something, too," Waverly said. "Dolls is taking Wynonna and Alice for a trip on New Year's, so I guess it's going to be just you and I."

"That sounds perfect to me, love."

"I was wondering what your thoughts are about going to a party," Waverly asked quietly and worried. "I've heard Doc and Kate are giving a great one at Shorty's."

"A party, eh?"

"It's just an idea," Waverly rushed. "We don't have to. We can watch a show on tv."

"Hey, a party at Shorty's sounds fun," Nicole smiled and put a lock of brown hair behind Waverly's ear. 

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable," Waverly said.

"I won't be. I handled Christmas pretty well, don't you think?"

"You did."

"Our lives can't only go around me, baby. I want us to do things that you want, too," Nicole said. "And I don't ever want you to feel like you can't talk to me about what you want."

"Ok, so… Shorty's?"

"It's going to be the best New Year's party ever," Nicole laughed, burying her face in Waverly's neck.

* * *

On New Year's Eve, Waverly and Nicole walked hand in hand into Shorty's. The brunette couldn't believe how nice the place was. It was so bright in there and nice music was playing.

"Doc! It's great in here," Waverly shouted at the man.

"Well, thank you, Waverly dear. Kate has a good hand for decoration," he said. "I am glad to see both of you here this fine evening."

"We're happy to be here," Nicole said.

"Waverly, we have vegan food now," Doc smiled under his mustache.

"Nicole told me, it's great news," Waverly nodded at him.

"Would you like anything? Maybe some avocado sandwich?"

"Sounds nice, Doc. Maybe some fries on the side?" Waverly asked.

"On it. Oh, those non-alcoholic drinks are ready, too," he blinked at the brunette.

"Thanks, Doc. Send two of those on our way," Waverly said.

"Alright. Jordan!" Doc screamed at the barman. "Two of the new drinks for these lovely ladies. I'll be right back."

"Hello, girls," the barman approached them with a big smile on his face. "Boss said the new drink? Come on, it's New Year's Eve. You should have some whiskey or beer. Or at least some champagne."

"We're fine, thanks," Waverly said.

"I haven't seen you around," Jordan leaned over the bar to get closer to Waverly. "Are you new around here? I would remember a pretty little thing like you."

"I am from here, but I moved from some time," Waverly held Nicole's hand and put it above the bar.

"That explains everything," he smiled in a way that reminded Nicole of Champ Hardy. "Maybe I can bring you something stronger later. We can meet by the pool and I'll show you how to celebrate the holidays."

"No, thank you," Waverly could almost laugh at how stupid he was.

"Dude, the drinks," Nicole ordered again and clenched her jaw.

"You are jealous," Waverly smirked once the guy went away.

"I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"No!" Nicole huffed in disbelief. "He was being obnoxious. That's it."

" _Obnoxious_? Ok, if you say so."

"There you go," Jordan came back with two glasses in hand. He had put straws in the drinks, and from the look on his face, Nicole knew he was waiting for Waverly to drink it.

"Do you need something else, man?" Nicole felt her blood run hot with anger.

"Your friend over here is a little bit stressed," he never took his eyes from Waverly. "Maybe you should let her have this shitty drink and come to the fun side of the night, doll."

"She is my girlfriend and you are being very inconvenient," Waverly said. "We would appreciate it if you leave us alone."

"I have to warn you that she is a drunk," he smiled full of himself. "She's playing you with this non-alcoholic shitty drink."

"And I am family with Doc and Kate, and they'll love to hear about what an asshole you are," Waverly grabbed the drinks with one hand and Nicole's hand with the other. "Tell Doc to bring our food to the booth."

As they were walking, Nicole tried to calm her need of going there and punch this Jordan guy in the face.

"What a jerk," the brunette then took a look at her girlfriend's face. "You're still jealous."

"He's an idiot."

"That he is," Waverly cupped Nicole’s cheeks. “And you are cute when you are jealous.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised that people would flirt with you,” Nicole said. “You are so pretty and so amazing.”

"Hey,” Waverly squeezed Nicole's hand so the redhead would look at her, “I don't want him. I don't want anyone else, just you. I'd never do anything to jeopardize what we have."

"I know, sorry. I'm being stupid," Nicole sighed.

"It's alright, baby. You are not stupid."

"So, about the drinks," the redhead decided to change the subject of their talk. "Did you ask Doc to do it?"

"As soon as you said you'd like to come here tonight," the brunette nodded.

"You are extraordinary, Waverly Earp," Nicole kissed her softly. "I'll never get tired of doing that."

"Me neither," Waverly giggled.

"Look who decided to have some fun," Chrissy approached them by surprise, with Rosita right next to her.

"Hey, girls. Have a sit," Waverly said.

"I can't believe it's New Year's already," Chrissy pulled Rosita so she would sit next to her. "What are you guys having?"

"It's not alcohol," Nicole rushed to say looking at Rosita.

"We know, Nicole. We trust, don't worry," Rosita smiled.

"There you go, ladies," Doc showed up with the sandwiches and the fries. "Miss Nedley, Miss Bustillo, would you like something to eat or drink?"

"Maybe two cheeseburgers, is it ok, Chrissy?" The blonde only nodded. "And to drink, we'd like the same the girls are having."

The four women stayed there talking and laughing for a couple of hours. Midnight was getting closer when Nicole looked around the place and spotted a face she wasn't ready to see. Sam was there, whispering something into some girl's ear. The redhead got so nervous about seeing one of her former dealers that she dropped the rest of her drink on her lap.

"Sweetie, are you alright?" Waverly asked.

"Ah, yeah, fine. All good. I'll go to the bathroom to clean myself."

"Would you like me to go with you?"

"No babe, there's no need. I'll be right back," Nicole rushed away. Once in the bathroom, the redhead washed her face before worrying about her clothes.

She knew there was no need to feel nervous about Sam. They didn't make business anymore. It didn't matter to her what he was going there. It had nothing to do with her.

Feeling better and realizing it would be weird to stay much longer in the bathroom, Nicole went back to the booth where Waverly was.

She didn't notice that Sam was coming her way until they were six feet from each other. Nicole decided to completely ignore his presence, but when he passed through her, she felt him handing her something. When she looked at her own hand, she found a bag with white dust in it. With her heart on her throat, Nicole hurried, even more, to get to Waverly.

"I need to talk to you." 

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Outside, please, Waverly. I really need to talk to you."

"Lead the way," the brunette said. Once outside and without saying a word, Nicole pushed the bag into her girlfriend's hand. "Nicole, what's this?"

"Sam is here and he gave it to me. I didn't know he would come. I didn't buy it, Waves."

"It's alright, love. Breathe."

"I didn't buy it. I didn't buy it, Waves. You've got to believe me. I didn't know he would be here," Nicole couldn't stop rambling.

"Hey, hey, I trust you," Waverly cupped the redhead's face so she would look into her eyes. "I know you didn't buy it. Just tell me what happened."

"I saw him in the saloon and dropped the drink," Nicole started to tell. "When I was coming back from the bathroom, he just gave it to me. I didn't even talk to him. I don't want it, Waves. Please."

"Come here," Waverly pulled her down and started to spread kisses all over her face. "I believe, my love. There is no need for you to worry. Do you want to go back inside and have some water to calm down?"

"I don't want to go back in there," Nicole said with a hoarse voice. "Can you go there and explain everything to Chrissy and Rosita?"

"They left already," Waverly said. "They are going to the park to watch the fireworks display. They invited us to tag along if we want to. But we can go back home if you prefer."

"The park sounds nice," Nicole agreed.

"Ok, so I'll go back inside to close our tab. Will you be alright in here for a minute?"

"Yeah, I will," Nicole said. Once Waverly was back into the bar, she started to whisper to herself. " _Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway_."

"What are you doing?" Waverley came back after a couple of minutes and found the redhead pacing on the sidewalk.

"Wynonna taught me it. It helps me to calm down."

"A Kelly Clarkson song? Really?"

"You like it," Nicole shrugged. "It reminds me of you. It helps."

"That's really nice. Are you ready to go?"

"What did you do with _it_?" Nicole asked meaning the drugs.

"I gave it to Doc and told him Sam is inside, so we better leave soon."

They walked on the street and Waverly did everything she could to get closer to Nicole, leaning on her and hugging her.

"Let's take a shortcut here," Waverly pulled the redhead by the hand and guided them toward an alley.

"No, Waves," Nicole held her back. "Not this way."

"Why not? It will save us around ten minutes of walk," Waverly protested.

"Because a lot of people come to this alley to use drugs and today it's going to be crowded in there," the redhead said. "It's dark and quiet here, there are no windows around, so nobody bothers you."

"You talk with property," Waverly pointed out.

"I've been here many times before," Nicole confessed.

"But it's so open here," Waverly sounded genuinely surprised. "Do the cops know about this place?"

"They do, yeah."

"And they don't do anything about it?"

"Most people here are harmless," Nicole told her. "Sure, there are some fights sometimes, but nothing that can't be handled. If you don't bother other people and don't cause any big problem, the police leave you alone."

"I had no idea about it," Waverly whispered. "Are there other places like this around town?"

"Yeah, quite a few," Nicole said. "I don't want you to see people in there, they are going through their worst moment."

That was when Waverly finally understood what Nicole was trying to avoid.

"Hey, baby. Look at me. I know you. I know you've had a hard time and that you are still fighting, but I promise that I won't see you differently. And I am so proud of you," Waverly smiled.

"Thank you. But I still don't want you to think about me like that."

"It's ok, love. Let's keep going the other way."

They rushed to the park and it didn't take long for them to meet Chrissy and Rosita. They found a good spot with a nice view of where the fireworks would take place. Nicole positioned herself behind Waverly and held her right, resting her chin on the brunette's shoulder.

When the clock hit midnight and the lights started blowing in the sky, Waverly turned around without ever getting out of Nicole's arms and kissed her. Their lips moved slowly and it was like their lives depended on each other.

"This is my favorite place in the world," Nicole said. "Right here, with you."

"I'm so happy I get to start this year with you," Waverly gave her a smile that made her eyes look like the moon. "I love you so much that I want to smash your face." 

"Come here," Nicole pulled the brunette for another kiss, but she couldn't stop smiling.

Moments later, Chrissy jumped on them and hugged the women, wishing them a happy new year. Together, they looked at how beautifully the fireworks illuminated the dark night.

* * *

A few days into the new year, it was time for Nicole to start the new challenge of her life and become a hockey coach.

She arrived early to the gymnasium, put on her skates, and started to slowly slide on the ice. The redhead soon realized that she would have to take it easy, or her knee would be compromised.

When she was skating in front of the entrance, Nicole was surprised by one of the athletes.

"Rachel, hi. You are early."

"Hello, Ms. Haught. I saw you talking to Maddison the day you were at school and I talked to her," Rachel said. "She told me she's going to be on the team, but she's not sure which position. She said she would come early, so I decided to come, too. I don't know, I thought I could help somehow."

"That's actually a very good idea, Rachel, thank you."

"It's nothing."

"Ok, let's start. Put on your skates and go some rounds so I can see what you can do," Nicole said. "And please, nothing of this _Ms. Haught_ talk. Just Haught, or Nicole."

"What about _coach_?" Rachel grinned.

"Coach sounds cool, right?" Nicole frowned and smiled.

"You bet, coach."

After a few rounds, Madison arrived and she looked even more nervous than she was on the day she first talked to Nicole.

"Hey, Maddison, you don't have to worry, alright?" The redhead said. "We'll find a position for you, but if we don't do it today, it's not a problem. We have some time. The official season starts only in a few months. We'll be on fire by then." 

"Yeah, Maddison. You should listen to the Coach," Rachel encouraged her teammate. "She knows the game. I… I watched some videos. You were really good."

"Thank you, Rachel. Alright, girls. Let's start."

They tried all the forward positions, but Madison was not comfortable there. Besides that, she was starting to get frustrated with the situation.

At some point, she stayed around ten feet from them, skating slowly with her head down. Rachel decided to scare her and shot the puck in her direction. By instinct, Madison held her stick in the direction the puck was taking and stopped it. 

Nicole took a step back and had an idea.

"Hey, Maddison, put these on," she gave her a pair of catch gloves and the rest of the goaltender gear. "Now go over there. Rachel, shot a few times."

"What do I have to do?" Madison asked.

"Just try to stop it from going inside the goal," Nicole explained. "No matter how, ok? Just use your instincts."

Rachel started shooting slowly and not very hard. After a few tries, she started to increase the speed and the strength. She saved all but a few shots and Nicole smiled, looking at Rachel.

"We have a goalie."

They continue training like that while they waited for the rest of the team to arrive. When all the girls were there, Nicole grouped them in front of one of the goals.

"Before we start practicing, I think it would be good for us to talk a little bit. I want to tell you some things about me, so you won't hear it from other people," Nicole started. "I moved to Purgatory when I was fifteen and ever since I got here, I started to play for the school team. I even got a scholarship because of hockey. When I was in college, I hurt my knee and the consequence of that was the end of my hockey career. I was young, full of dreams and I had put all my energy into this sport, but I couldn't do it anymore. So I started abusing alcohol and drugs. I'm clean for some months now and Ms. Earp believes there will be no problems with me being your coach, but I'd like you to talk to your family about it. I promise I won't do any of you wrong, but if they believe it's not good for you to be around me, it's alright. No hard feelings, I swear. I also know we are only ten players, so we are in a short number, but I know we can manage. I'll try to schedule an exhibition match for us before the regular-season starts, until then, we will practice as much as we can. Is that alright?"

"Yes, coach," they screamed almost in unison.

"Good. And I also want you all to know that I am open to talk about anything want, either if it's hockey or my personal journey. Just reach out and we'll talk. Now, Amanda, I know you are right-defense, but you said you can be a nice right-wing. Do you think you can play forward for now?"

"Sure, coach. No problem."

"Wonderful. Alright then, all of you, to the ice," Nicole screamed. "Ten rounds for warm-up."

At the end of the afternoon, when the practice was over, Nicole went home tired, but with a big smile on her face. It was good to be around hockey again, it’s been too damn long. Once she got to her place, she was surprised to see Waverly's jeep parked in the driveway.

"Hey baby," Nicole closed the door behind herself and was stunned by the sight in front of her. It was Waverly, wearing her old cheerleader uniform and above her, there was a sash saying _'Welcome home, Coach_ '. "Waves, what is all this?"

"Well, I thought you deserved a proper reception when you arrived after practice," the brunette said. "How was your day, _coach_?"

"You know what, it was pretty good," Nicole smiled at the confession. "The girls are very excited."

"I'm so happy for you."

"Okay, so… the outfit, love?"

"That's for a personal show for you. I’ll show you how much I can cheer for you." Waverly teased. "I have dinner ready, too. It's in the oven."

"I think I want something else first," Nicole started kissing Waverly on her neck.

"I wonder what that could be," Waverly melted on the kiss and held Nicole by her shoulders.

"You are smart, babe. I think you can figure it out," Nicole whispered.

"I think we should finish this conversation in the bedroom."

"My baby is a genius."

Walking to her room, Nicole could only think that life was really good.

_I don't exist_

_If I don't have her_

_The sun doesn't shine_

_The world doesn't turn_

_Alright, alright_

_She knows, she knows_

_That I never let her down before_

_She knows, she knows_

_That I'm never gonna let another take her love from me now_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts about this chapter?
> 
> My friends, I wish you all a Happy New Year. I hope 2021 can be a better year for all of us. I wish you all can spend more time with the people you love and you all can be healthy.
> 
> Take care of yourselves, alright? We are almost there. See you next week!


	21. Drag me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the girls' first hockey game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends! Happy 2021!  
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and support you send my way, it means a lot to me!  
> Thank you to [Namaenai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namaenai/pseuds/Namaenai) for explaining to me some things about hockey. You were really helpful and kind to me!
> 
> Oh, by the way, our shitshow comes back to us this spring, are you excited??
> 
> Let's go to business, shall we?

**Chapter 21 – Drag me down**

_ If I didn't have you, there would be nothing left _

_ The shell of a man that could never be his best _

_ If I didn't have you, I'd never see the sun _

_ You taught me how to be someone _

After weeks of practice and a lot of hard work, it was finally time for the girls of the hockey team to make their first game together. Nicole managed to speak with some people she knew from Toronto and arranged an exhibition game against a team from there, which didn’t make it to the play-offs of the season.

The redhead arrived at the locker room earlier than the rest of the team to organize everything. She was surprised to see a bag in there, waiting for her. Once she opened it, she was shocked to see the inside. There was a new kit for them to wear during the game. On one of the sleeves, there was a small logo of the Gardner Property.  _ Wynonna _ , Nicole thought, and chuckled. Well, the boys’ kit she borrowed from Coach Anderson wouldn’t be necessary anymore.

Right after she hung the uniforms for each girl, they all arrived for the game.

“Hello, girls. You’re all on time, very good,” Nicole said. “Now gear up and go to the ice to warm up.”

“Coach, what is this?” Maddison asked holding the red and white uniform in front of her.

“Someone decided to gift us with a very cool kit,” Nicole said.

“There is even a raven, Coach. Our mascot,” Amanda laughed.

“That’s true. Now come one, hurry up, you all. Thirty minutes of warm-up and then all of you back in here so we can talk. Rachel, can you coordinate it?”

“Sure thing, Coach.”

Once they were on the ice, Nicole looked at the bleachers and noticed people arriving to watch the game. She managed to spot the Earps easily and decided to talk to them before the match.

“Haught!” The redhead heard someone calling her name when she was only a few feet from her family. She was astonished to see the source of the voice.

“Shapiro? Hey.”

“Dude, come here,” Eliza threw her arms around Nicole in a hug. “Damn, I feel like I haven’t seen you since forever.”

“Yeah, it’s been quite a while. What are you doing here?”

“My little cousin is playing against your team so I couldn’t lose the opportunity to come here and see you,” Eliza explained.

“Your cousin, eh? So hockey runs in your family,” Nicole smiled happily to see an old friend. “If she plays anything like you, my girls will have a hard time today.”

“Well, she’s a good center, so pay attention,” Eliza teased.

“Your tips won’t soften my heart so I’ll allow you to watch it from inside,” Nicole pushed her playfully. 

“Figured out my plan quickly.”

“You might be NWHL now, but I’ll always remember your tricks,” Nicole blinked. “Alright, I’m joking. All seriousness now, NWHL, Eliza. Congratulations, you deserve it more than anyone I know.”

“Thanks, Haught. Means a lot coming from you.”

“How is it there?”

“It’s a lot more exhausting than we ever thought it was,” Eliza sighed. “But at the same time, it’s a dream come true.”

“I’m happy for you and I might even buy a sweater with your name on it.”

“You know kids nowadays call it jerseys?”

“Jerseys? Goddamit, I’m old,” Nicole faked a complaint.

“What about you? How are you doing?” Eliza asked. “I’ve heard some things right after you left Toronto.”

“I can assure you they were _not_ just rumors,” Nicole confessed. “I hit rock bottom once I came back to Purgatory. I started abusing after the surgery and it only got worse with time. But I’m better now, I’m clean for months and I finally feel like I’m walking on my own two feet again.”

“I’m sorry you’ve been through all of it. You were a hell of a player,” Eliza said. “You would be one of the greatest players at the NWHL.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t for me I guess,” Nicole shrugged. “But I can help some girls to get there. Keep an eye on my left-wing. She will take your spot there in no time.”

“I can’t wait for it. I’m glad you are happy, Nicole.”

“I really am. Maybe we could keep in touch?”

“That would be great.”

“And maybe you could get me and my girl some tickets for a game,” Nicole frowned.

“Sure, just say when and you have it.”

“Nice. It was really good seeing you, but I have to go now,” the redhead said. “Talk to you later?”

“Of course. I’ll tell the coach to give you my number. It was really good to see you, Nicole.”

“Cool. Keep kicking asses on the NWHL, Eliza,” Nicole said and walked toward her family, who was waiting for her.

“Who was that?” Waverly stood at the tip of her toes to kiss Nicole on her cheek.

“She’s an old friend. We used to play against each other in college. She’s in the NWHL now,” Nicole said.

“Nice,” Wynonna nodded.

“You guys are here early,” the redhead looked around to see not only the Earps but also Robert, Dolls, Chrissy, and Rosita.

“We didn’t want to lose a second of it,” Waverly smiled brightly.

“Nicole, look!” Alice screamed excitedly, showing the redhead the t-shirt she was wearing. She had written the words “ _ GO RAVENS _ ” in it.

“Wow, Alice. This looks amazing. Did you do it?”

“Yeah, Auntie Waverly helped.”

“Well, you did a really great job,” Nicole giggled.

“Tell us, Haught, are you nervous?” Wynonna asked.

“A little bit, I admit.”

“You know what they say. When you stop getting nervous is when it doesn’t matter to you anymore,” Dolls said.

“That is true,” Nicole agreed.

“You are a wise man today,” Wynonna teased him. “Isn’t he, Alice?”

“Dad is a wise man,” the little girl laughed.

“Oh, stop it,” he bent down to tickle Alice.

“Nicole, I wanted to congratulate you on the good job you have done with the girls here,” Willa said. “Some of the teachers even said their grades got better since they joined the team.”

“Thank you, Willa. I’m glad they are working hard,” the redhead felt her chest getting warm. “I should go now. Thank you so much for coming today. It means a lot to me.”

“Go there and make us even more proud of you, Nicole,” Wynonna said.

“On it, Earp. By the way, there’s a new kit of sweater in the locker room,” Nicole pretended not to understand what was happening. “Do you know anything about it, Wynonna?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Haught,” Wynonna dismissed her friend, but she had a mischief smile on her face.

“I imagined you would say that,” Nicole turned around and pulled Waverly by her hand to follow her. “Hey.”

“Hi, Coach,” Waverly smiled. “It’s going to be a great afternoon, I’m sure.”

“Thank you for being here today,” Nicole whispered.

“There is no other place I would like to be.”

“I have to go now, but I wanted a second alone with you.”

“Good luck today. Your team will be great, I’m sure,” Waverly kissed her much faster than both of them wanted it to be.

Nicole watched the final part of the girls’ warm-up and then told them to go back to the locker room so they could get ready for the game. She said a quick hello to the opponent’s team coach, exchanged a few words, and she knew it was time to go talk to her team.

Right outside the locker room, Nicole found Rachel, sitting alone and biting her nails.

“Rachel, everything ok?”

“Sup Coach. Yeah, all fine. The girls are getting ready.”

“That’s good to know,” Nicole said, “but I was talking about you. Are you alright?”

“I’m… I… I don’t know,” the girl sounded really annoyed. “I wanted this team before it even existed, but now I don’t know if I did enough to be a part of it. My wrist is weak, you know it.”

“Look, I know how hard the first game can be,” Nicole smiled sympathetically. “But I can assure you are ready for today. You improve so much since we started the team. Are you at the best you can ever be? Probably not, but nobody ever is. That is the good part, the exciting part about being a player. There is always room for you to get better and improve your game. This is just the start.”

“Do you really think I can do it?”

“I know you can. Just focus on today, that’s how you build your future. One day at a time. Besides, I need my Capitan with her head on the game,” Nicole pulled from her pocket a big ‘C’, so Rachel could attach it to her sweater.

“Do you want me to be  _ captain _ ?”

“You worked hard to be captain, you lead your friends even when I don’t ask you to do it. You made yourself captain, Rachel. I’m just making it official,” Nicole shrugged.

“Thank you, Coach,” the girl couldn’t take her eyes from the letter in her hands.

“Let’s go back inside, I want to talk to the other girls, too,” Nicole tapped Rachel on her knee and stood up, going into the locker room. “Are you all ready, girls?”

“Almost there, Coach,” Amanda shouted and hurried to get ready.

“Alright everybody, get over here,” Nicole grouped them. “That’s it, girls, first game. I know how you all are feeling, I’ve been there. And I know what you are thinking, that they are a great time. You are right, they are, but we are great, too. I want you all to remember this all the time. YOU. ARE. GREAT. What you are doing today is amazing. I don’t know many players who would be willing to play together after just a couple of months of training together. I want all of you to know that you are very brave for doing that. I know we still have a lot of work to do, but we will learn a lot about ourselves in this game. No matter what happens today, we will come out stronger than we arrived. We go there and we play hard and fair. Give the best that you have and everything will be alright. Never forget that we are stronger together. And please, please, please… Go there and have some fun, ok? In the end, that is what this is all about: working hard but also having fun with your friends. Now everyone line up, I need to take a picture so we never forget this day.”

“We wouldn’t forget it anyway, Coach,” Rachel said when Nicole pulled her phone and captured the moment.

“And one more thing, girls,” Nicole sighed. “I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be your coach. It’s an honor to me to be here with you today.”

“Are you getting soft on us, Coach?” 

“Not a chance, Amanda. Let’s go there and give our best. Ravens on three: One, two, three RAVENS!”

When both teams were on the ice and the game was about to start, Nicole looked at the bleachers and saw not only her family there but all the girls’ families as well. She knew at that moment that no matter the result of the game, they were going to win. When the puck first touched the ice, things got harder.

Nicole had watched some previous games of the opponent team, so she knew they were good. They prepared for that, and during the entire match, Nicole tried to remind the girls of what they have practiced. By the end of the first period, the Ravens were losing by 2-0. In the first minute of the second period, Rachel scored for the first time, and their team managed to hold the other more than in the first part of the game. When the second period ended, they were down by 3-1. When the third period started, Emma, their central, scored and they celebrated a lot, even though it wasn’t enough. At the end of the game, the Ravens lost by 6-2.

Nicole encouraged her team to greet their opponent for their victory. Once in the locker room, the girls pulled their helmets off and felt defeated, all of them with their heads down.

“No, this will not happen here, I won’t heave it. Everybody heads up, now. It’s an order,” Nicole screamed at them. “I know, losing sucks, I get it, I feel it, too. We lost a game but we are not losers. I don’t have losers on my team. Losing and winning is part of the game, it’s what we do with this result that matters. This feeling that you all have in your gut right now, we are going to use it next time we practice. We are going to work even harder than we did before. Heads up because you played at your best today and proved that you deserve to be here. Everybody understand?”

“Yes, coach.”

“One more thing... you made me so incredibly proud today. You listened to my instructions, you were respectful with them, you handle the puck beautifully. I took some notes on what I want us to practice more, but in the end, you were amazing today, girls. We are only starting and we’ll play even better next game. Now you get a shower and let’s get out of here.”

Outside the gym, their families were waiting for them to get out and greeted them with warm hugs.

“This day deserves a proper celebration,” Waverly told them all. “I prepared dinner for all of us, so everybody goes to the Homestead, alright?”

Cheers and laughs resonate around them and Waverly felt like she had accomplished her mission.

“Did you really cook for all of us?” Nicole whispered so only her girlfriend could hear.

“Of course I did.”

“Be careful, Coach. We are going to like Miss Earp more than we like you,” Rachel teased her.

“Don’t I know it?” Nicole played along.

“Stop it, you two.”

At the end of the day, with their bellies full and among friends, the girls took countless selfies and laughed over nothing at all. Nicole felt like she had accomplished her mission as well.

_ All my life, you stood by me _

_ When no one else was ever behind me _

_ All these lights, they can't blind me _

_ With your love, nobody can drag me down _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you think about this one in the box under here! Kudos and comments are always welcome.
> 
> We have one more chapter in this story, then we'll have to move on to other adventures. I hope you like it.


	22. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long road doesn't end. There is the possibility to look for something good in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear Earper friends!  
> Almost six months later, we get to the end of this story. We talked about a serious subject here and I tried to approach it with the maximum respect that I could, I hope I made it justice. We say goodbye to the people in this fic with a happy ending because that is what I wish for every single person who struggles with this disease. Please, know that you are not alone. You can count on me whenever you need to.
> 
> Okay, then. Let's go to our last chapter. I hope you like it.

**Chapter 22 – Home**

_ Make a little conversation _

_ So long I've been waiting _

_ To let go of myself and feel alive _

_ I was stumbling, looking in the dark _

_ With an empty heart _

_ But you say you feel the same _

_ Could we ever be enough? _

_ Baby, we could be enough _

  
  
  
  


It was a surprisingly warm day in Purgatory. People were able to leave their big coats at home and leave with only a sweater or a jacket. Waverly and Nicole were walking on the street, holding hands, and the brunette couldn’t help but notice how quiet her girlfriend had been all morning.

“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Waverly said.

“I think I do, Waves. They are expecting me to.”

“You did it before. Do you feel like today is different than the other days?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Well, you could imagine that you are talking to the girls on the team,” Waverly suggested. “They always pay attention to what you say.”

“That’s because they are scared of me,” Nicole said. “I don’t want people at PeaceMaker feeling afraid.”

“Yeah, right,” Waverly laughed, but then she noticed the redhead was serious. “Wait, do you really think the girls are afraid of you?”

“They are,” Nicole stated.

“Oh my goodness,” Waverly laughed even harder. “They are not afraid of you, baby. You are not as scary as you think.”

“I am,” Nicole tried to argue.

“Yes, you are as scary as a bunny,” Waverly teased her. “They listen to you because they respect you and they care about what you have to say. People at PeaceMaker will feel like that, too.”

“I just want them to feel comfortable and understand that they are not alone,” Nicole sighed.

“They will feel it, I’m sure,” Waverly replied.

“I hope you are right,” Nicole said as they walked around the corner and approached PeaceMaker. Much to her surprise, her entire team was standing in front of the place. “Hi, girls. What are you up to today?”

“Sup, coach. We are going to Mama Olive’s for lunch,” Amanda said. “Hello, Miss Waverly.”

“Hello, girls. Congratulations on the last game. You were great and it was a nice win,” the brunette said.

“Thanks,” Rachel said. “We wanted to talk to you before lunch, coach.”

“Is everything alright?”

“You and I met exactly a year ago,” Rachel looked to her right. “Sitting here, at this bench.”

“I remember,” Nicole smiled at the memory.

“Life was so different back then,” the teenager sighed. “You were having a bad day, but still you tried to make me feel better. You said I would find my people and that I shouldn’t change who I am. You made me feel special, like I mattered. Look where we are now.”

“You matter, Rachel. You always did,” Nicole said.

“See? You doing it again. You make me, well, us, feel important even when the day is not about us.”

“I want you girls to be successful and happy,” Nicole shrugged.

“We wanted to come here to tell you that we are proud of you,” Maddison stepped in. “We know it’s an important day for you, coach.”

“It is. Thank you for coming to see me,” Nicole said. “It means a lot to me seeing all of you here today.”

“We want you to know that we’ll never forget everything you do for us all these months, all the games and practice,” Maddison was getting emotional, so Emma hugged her waist.

“Believe me, you all do so much more for me. You have no idea,” Nicole giggled. “Now, I don’t want to keep you on a Saturday. Go have fun. I’ll see you all on Monday.”

“Bye, Coach. Bye, Miss Waverly,” they all said.

“Bye, girls. Hey, before you go… Am I scary?” Nicole asked and saw all the faces frowning.

“No,” Rachel was frowning, too, but then she smirked. “Did you want to be?”

“Nevermind,” Nicole groaned. “Go have fun.” Waverly chuckled and Nicole sighed loudly behind her as they walked inside PeaceMaker.

“There you are,” Wynonna said.

“Hey, Nonna. Am I scary?” Nicole asked in a heartbeat.

“No. Why?”

“Did you tell her to say that?” Nicole asked Waverly.

“Sweetie, people usually tell the truth because they think it’s the right thing to do,” the brunette got to the tip of her toes and pecked her lips.

“You two are weirder than normal today,” Wynonna frowned suspiciously.

“I guess I have to admit that you are right,” Nicole pretended to be defeated.

“My poor baby,” Waverly spread kisses all over Nicole’s face. 

“She’s always right, Nicole. The sooner you understand that the easier your life will be,” Wynonna said.

“I know that since I’m fifteen, Earp,” the redhead only held her girlfriend tighter.

“Let’s get to business. I want to give you this,” Wynonna handed her a bronze coin with the number one in Romanus in the center. “Well done, Nicole.”

“Thank you, Wynonna,” the redhead couldn’t take her eyes from the coin. It was like she was looking at a trophy, a reward for all her hard work.

“Come over here, you jerk,” right there, in the middle of the hallway, Wynonna threw her arms around Nicole in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, dude.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you. Both of you.”

“You could have,” Waverly said. 

“No. I tried before. You two are the most important people in my life,” Nicole told them. “You make me want to be better, stronger.”

“It’s good to know that we could be there for you, but you did all the work,” Wynonna replied. “Don’t throw your nobility on us, Haught.”

“Shut up, Nonna.”

“Hey girls, are you ready?” Rosita showed up. “The meeting is about to start.”

“I wished Fish was here,” Nicole groaned.

“He’s probably banging Levi in Hawaii right now,” Wynonna looked around and it was like everyone was judging her. “What? It’s true and you all know that.”

“Good morning, everybody. Please take a seat,” Rosita asked the people in the room. “It’s good to see familiar faces and as you all know, we have a tradition here in PeaceMaker. Every time someone reaches the one year mark they say a few words. I’m glad to be here today to witness this day for you, Nicole. Can you tell us a bit about your experience?”

“Sure, yeah,” the redhead stood up and looked at the faces around her. They have all became friends and supported each other through tough times. “So… I’m one year clean today, but honestly, it feels like a lifetime. I was the worst version of myself for a long time because I lost something important to me. I always took hockey for granted, I never thought I wouldn’t have it anymore. When it happened, I realized that I never had a plan B, so I felt lost. I stopped appreciating life and I was only waiting for it to end. I also did everything I could to make it happen faster. Now… now I feel like I belong to this world. It wasn’t easy, and I don’t think it will ever be, but damn, it's worth it. Every single one of you helped me find joy in this life. On my first day here, Fish, who is enjoying a sunny beach at this very moment, said something about not being cured, but constant healing. I agree with him. We are in constant healing, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy life. There are good things everywhere we go. Some days are easy, some days are harder, but we have to keep fighting, keep looking for the bright side. I want to thank everyone in here for the support you have been giving me on this journey. I want to thank especially Chrissy and Rosita for always making me comfortable in here, my best friend Wynonna, who stayed by my side when I was at my worst, and my love, Waverly, for seeing the best in me even when I can’t. The world is a better place because of you, babe. If any of you here need some help, whatever it is the problem, I want you to know that I’m here for you, anytime. I think that was it. I can finally say that I’m making my peace, one day at a time. I feel at home in myself.”

Nicole looked around the room and most people were smiling at her. Chrissy and Waverly had tears in their eyes, and Wynonna was looking away, but Nicole knew that her friend was only doing that because she was trying not to cry. When the redhead sat on her chair, Waverly pulled her closer by her arm and placed a light kiss on her neck.

“I’m so proud of you,” the brunette whispered.

“Thanks, love.”

“Thank you, Nicole. I think I can speak for all of us in here when I say that we are all proud of you,” Rosita said. “We are so happy to be part of your journey. It’s beautiful.”

When the meeting was over, people started their normal routine of talking and laughing together. Nicole walked around the room to get closer to Wynonna.

“Hey, Haught Pepper. Did you tell her already? Did she like it? Of course, she did.”

“Not yet, I’ll tell her later today,” Nicole said. “I wanted to talk to you before we left.”

“What about?”

“I wanted to thank you.”

“You already did that,” Wynonna replied.

“Yeah, well, I think I should do it again. I would not be here without you,” the redhead put her hand up when she noticed her friend was about to interrupt her. “I know what you are going to say, that I fought for myself. I agree, I did that. I’m still doing it, but I would have literally died without you, Wynonna. You never gave up on me, even when I deserved to be left behind, you never did it. I want you to know how much I love and admire you. You are my hero, Wynonna Earp.”

Wynonna felt her throat closing and it was like she forgot how to breathe. Then the tears fell from her face and she hugged her friend to hide it.

“I’m so fucking proud and happy for you, Nicole,” she stepped away from her embrace and slapped her on the shoulder. “Damn it, you do it on purpose, right? Using your sweet words and walking bumper sticker attitude, making me look soft. You just want people to stop thinking about me as a badass.”

“Yeah, that was always my plan,” Nicole teased. “You figured it out finally.”

“What are you two are crying about?” Waverly approached them and hugged the redhead.

“Your girlfriend here is making me look bad in front of all these people.”

“Your sister is a big baby inside and I’m making people witness it.”

“You know what? I don’t want to get caught in the middle of it,” Waverly chuckled. “Plans for today?”

“You two do you,” Wynonna said.

“Really? I thought we would hang out together to celebrate,” Waverly sounded disappointed.

“I actually have plans for us, baby,” Nicole said. “If that is ok with you.”

“I’m always happy to spend time with you. What are we gonna do?”

“Well, first lunch and then… then you’ll see,” Nicole smirked.

“Alright, so let’s go. Bye, Nonna.”

“Bye, you two. Don’t get into trouble and make me proud.”

After lunch, Waverly and Nicole spent the afternoon walking in the park and making out as much as they could. They were sitting together on a bench with the brunette leaning against her girlfriend, between Nicole’s long legs.

“Today was a good day,” Waverly sighed happily.

“It was.”

“Did I tell you how proud I am of you? Because I'm very proud.”

“You did,” Nicole giggled and kissed her head. “Can we stay here to watch the sunset?”

“Of course, my love.”

“You know, on that first meeting at PeaceMaker, people were talking about how they overcome hard times and enjoyed life,” Nicole recollected. “The only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to find joy again, to feel like that one more time. Now I’m a hockey coach, I have my best friend again, and my love inside my arms. Most of it it’s thanks to you, Waverly.”

“You are giving too much credit to other people and not enough to yourself,” the brunette stated.

“That’s because you are a great part of me getting better,” Nicole confessed. “On that they, I promised myself that I would work hard enough so I could live good moments with you. I wanted to at least be able to watch the sunset with you one more time.”

“Is that why we are here?” Waverly asked and Nicole nodded. “I think it’s a perfect idea.”

“That first day I also thought that it would be pretty cool for us to travel somewhere,” Nicole whispered.

“We’ll go, baby. Sooner or later we’ll do it.”

“I was thinking about sooner,” Nicole pulled a couple of plane tickets from her pocket.

“Nicole… what is it?”

“Our first trip together, if you want to.”

“Plane tickets to Egypt?” Waverly gasped, completely shocked. “I can’t believe it. Is this why you have been taking so many extra shifts at GRU?”

“I wanted a good hotel and I know there are so many things that you’ll want to do once we get there,” Nicole smiled at her girlfriend’s reaction. “I want you to have the best time over there. But only if you want to go.”

“Of course I want to go,” the brunette rushed. “My dream trip with the love of my life? That is the best thing ever. Oh, I have so many ideas already. I love you, I love you.”

Waverly threw herself on Nicole for a long kiss. Every time they did that, it seemed to be better. Their lips found a home in each other, moving in such sync that words failed to describe.

When the sun went down, Nicole held Waverly extra tight. She knew that her fight was not over, it might never be, but with Waverly by her side, she knew she could face anything. Just like the sun, a new day would always rise. She was at home and it was all she needed.

  
  
  
  


_ So hot that I couldn't take it _

_ Want to wake up and see your face _

_ And remember how good it was being here last night _

_ And it's alright _

_ Calling out for somebody to hold tonight _

_ When you're lost, you'll find a way _

_ I'll be your light _

_ You'll never feel like you're alone _

_ I'll make this feel like home _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for every single one of you who left kudos, comments, or silently read this story. Thank you for giving this Brazilian girl over here a chance. I enjoyed every single moment I spent in this fic, I hope you did, too. I hope we can meet again in another story.  
> Until then, please take care of yourself. You are so important to this world. You matter.  
> See you soon, my friends!


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